It's what all transwomen do, look at the face in the mirror, to see if the face they've known all those years is the new face they want to be and live with. Some who are comfortable with makeup, namely drag queens, transvestities and cross-dressers, and some who transistion who use it for life, rely on the face in the mirror for confirmation.
And if you notice, it's how the media portrays transwomen in stories, dressed nicely with makeup and jewelry. It's what's expected of women, to want to be pretty with makeup and want to always worry about their looks. In the transcommunity, there are those transwomen, usually self-described as "girly girls." To them, it's often all about looks, especially the face.
But there also are also those who do it because it's part of life as a woman. It's not the reason, the need or the want, but the expected. This is true in many professions and jobs where clothes and presentations are standards, whether it's saleswomen in stores, managers in public roles, senior managers and executives with government, organizations and corporations.
In all those cases, it's about the face in the mirror, and how best to make it pretty for the day or situation. But it's not the way they normally live outside those situations. The majority of women today wear little if any makeup. A much smaller percentage wear it outside the workplace. And it's mostly two types.
The young women who wear it because it's part of their life. And the older women who wear it because it's part of their looks, and often necessary to get by. For themit's their face which isn't there without out it. It's what they want to see in the mirror, not liking what they see without it or wanting to look like someone else with it.
These are the transwomen who swear makeup, and the rest of the typical woman's world of clothes, fashion, jewelry, shopping, etc. is what women do because it's what women are. The criticize women who don't wear it and condemn transwomen who don't want to wear it. To them, it's often more about playing dressup than being a woman.
That's because very few make any real effort to be physically women, and it's why all the clothes, make and jewelry are necessary. It's a play to get away from being male and men than being women. The largest group under the transgender umbrella are cross-dressers when and where these standards apply.
But it's those who transistion who ignore those standards because it's not about playing women but about being women and the normal life of one. It's not the occasional day/night excurion, weekends, or even conferences to dress as a woman for awhile, but return to being male and a man who they are and live. It's the 24/7 life as all women live.
And that is where the face in the mirror is important. It's the one without makeup. It's about losing the face of their past and seeing the face they've always wanted. And makeup is optional as part of life, used when it fits, and not as a necessity when it doesn't. It's about being ordinary as a woman, and yes, it's all the plain and ordinary being of women.
It's also raises the question about transistions. The problem I've noticed with many post-transistion women is that they focused their transistion on their public presentation to get through the initial experience, often called the real-life experience and get to the sex reassignment surgery (or gender reassignment surgery in many countries). They want the vagina to be whole.
But they forget the face. Their face. Hormones make a lot of changes, obviously to body, and the less obviously to the face. This is where women split in their transistion. Some decide, either naively, blindly or intentionally, to see a face they want than the face they have. And despite all the information that the first thing people use to judge others is the face, especially for gender, they find themselves "clocked", and then angry.
They're angry they weren't seen as women and forgot their male-like face. And even with all the makeup in the world, you can't hide those features. The very face they saw in the mirror is the one which betrays them in public. And they didn't notice or want to notice. And they get angry at the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
It's also why many in transistion focus to get facial feminization surgery for a female face, often spending $25-30K for the work, including extensive bone work. And even then, it's a gamble. The resulting face may pass but won't pass their view of what they wanted to see. Realistic expectations often gets lost in the hope and wishes.
This is where the two groups divide. In their thinking, their transistions and their life after their transistion. The face in the mirror. To see what it is or what you want. To see it with reality or imagination. To see it without and then with makeup to be a woman in heart and mind reflected in the mirror, than hiding what you don't want to see.
In the end, the face others see is reflected in the mirror, and we can choose which we see.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Trans Puppets
Reading about the appointment of Amanda Simpson to the Department of Commerce. No one doubts her creditials, but all the pundits are taking one of two sides. The first is that she is setting a trend for trangender employees to find jobs or careers with the federal government, except she's not the first, only the first political appointment. This is fine except for two things.
First, she's not transgender, but a post-transistion or legally-recognized woman. She transistioned years ago and long left the label and identity. Second, by using the term to describe her, she's becoming a puppet for both sides, or really all sides. She's used by the transcommunity as a shining example of a (trans)woman - they add the prefix trans. She's used by the LGBT community for equal opportunity. And she's used by the government to show they're trans-friendly.
All except she was appointed for her creditials, or maybe only mostly so, and I suspect partly because she's repesentative of "transgender" women. Meaning all post-transistion women aren't really women, despite all their effort to be physically (as medically possible) women and legally female. The world will still treat them as transgender. And that's the sad part.
Amanda accomplished a lot before she transistioned, and more afterward. And although she, like almost all transwomen, who transistioned on the job with the same company, she didn't advance during and after her transistion. Companies advertise support and protection for transgender people, but they always find a way to redirect their work and career out of the public eye and away from their career path as a man.
It's why all post-transistion women have big valleys in their career from the start of their transition to several years after they finish. Almost all never reclaim the same professional level after as before. If they do, it's usually outside the company they started with and more often in other careers or work. Generally only artist tend to stay in same profession because it's what they do and are known.
A few do go on to bigger and better things. But only after years of little or no work for years, sometimes near a decades, and after reinventing themselves. We are still a society that allows people to transistion, but we haven't allowed them their work and careers without professional and personal discrimination.
Until of course, it's happens to fit a political agenda. Like Amanda Simpson. I wish her well and know she will do well, but she's now stuck being the token transgender women during her career with the Department of Commerce. Something she likely didn't want but has, and will have to work harder to prove herself both as a manager and a woman. That's not different as any other woman, but she has an extra burden too, her transgender past.
Political puppets are that, and try as they do and as much as they succeed, in the end, they're still puppets. No different than other polticial puppets, only a different flavor one.
First, she's not transgender, but a post-transistion or legally-recognized woman. She transistioned years ago and long left the label and identity. Second, by using the term to describe her, she's becoming a puppet for both sides, or really all sides. She's used by the transcommunity as a shining example of a (trans)woman - they add the prefix trans. She's used by the LGBT community for equal opportunity. And she's used by the government to show they're trans-friendly.
All except she was appointed for her creditials, or maybe only mostly so, and I suspect partly because she's repesentative of "transgender" women. Meaning all post-transistion women aren't really women, despite all their effort to be physically (as medically possible) women and legally female. The world will still treat them as transgender. And that's the sad part.
Amanda accomplished a lot before she transistioned, and more afterward. And although she, like almost all transwomen, who transistioned on the job with the same company, she didn't advance during and after her transistion. Companies advertise support and protection for transgender people, but they always find a way to redirect their work and career out of the public eye and away from their career path as a man.
It's why all post-transistion women have big valleys in their career from the start of their transition to several years after they finish. Almost all never reclaim the same professional level after as before. If they do, it's usually outside the company they started with and more often in other careers or work. Generally only artist tend to stay in same profession because it's what they do and are known.
A few do go on to bigger and better things. But only after years of little or no work for years, sometimes near a decades, and after reinventing themselves. We are still a society that allows people to transistion, but we haven't allowed them their work and careers without professional and personal discrimination.
Until of course, it's happens to fit a political agenda. Like Amanda Simpson. I wish her well and know she will do well, but she's now stuck being the token transgender women during her career with the Department of Commerce. Something she likely didn't want but has, and will have to work harder to prove herself both as a manager and a woman. That's not different as any other woman, but she has an extra burden too, her transgender past.
Political puppets are that, and try as they do and as much as they succeed, in the end, they're still puppets. No different than other polticial puppets, only a different flavor one.
The space in between
It seems most people consider sex and gender to be binary, the either or thing with male-female and man-woman, and some people consider it to be both but usually distinctly either or, namely in the definition of transgender or transsexual people. But as the transcommunity has seen, some people live in between, often labelled the gender-queer, because even the transcommunity treats them differently.
We also know that transpeople aren't mutually exclusive of the opposite between their birth sex and mind gender, meaning they're not all distinctly trans, but somewhere between balanced and slightly on the other side. They're not comfortable being who they were but they're also not comfortable with the expectation of the other side and especially the trans-side.
In short, they live and are in the space in between sexes and genders. It's where they're comfortable, if only society, and even the transcommunity, would let them be and live. But that rarely happens as people want to know which they are and which they want to be. Like it matters? It doesn't to anyone. They're not hurting anyone, but people don't like them challenging that imaginary binary.
So, the pressure and stress on them isn't as people think, their confusion to decide, but from people pushing them from both directions, when all they want to do is live as they are and see themselves. It's hard when it's an either or world and you're an "and" person. The signs don't fit. You don't fit. And everyone makes assumptions about the way you dress, speak, behave, and everything else you.
And sadly, this is also prevalent in the transcommunity. They like little boxes to describe and fit people. They tolerate people moving between boxes or living in several boxes, but not people living outside their boxes, and living in their own space and only a box if there are others doing and being the same. The transcommunity is often as harsh or cruel as the public, except it's inside the community where people can't see.
Why this idea? Well, I've always been a non-box person, besides an out-of-the-box thinker. I've don't like being in or put in boxes. I don't fit in them. I like walking around and peeking over the tops of boxes to see who and what's inside. I like living in the space in between boxes. And I'm not much different with gender.
To be honest, I've never really fit inside any model of what to expect of being a boy or man. I've always just been myself and almost always by myself. I'm very comfortable being alone (and note not lonely or a loner, just being alone). And I'm the same with gender. When I was told it's what a man does, I wouldn't do it unless there was no other choice.
I didn't like doing it. But I also knew it's what family, friends, work, and so on up the scale of our life and world, expected men do. So I tried, but many times, I simply decided not to or walked away. It's my personality, character and temperament. But I also know that all of me would fit better inside a woman and than a man. And that's the conundrum in my life.
I don't consider or see myself as transgender or trans-anything, just me, and just trying to fit into an "or" world with an "and" mind, and living in the space in between.
We also know that transpeople aren't mutually exclusive of the opposite between their birth sex and mind gender, meaning they're not all distinctly trans, but somewhere between balanced and slightly on the other side. They're not comfortable being who they were but they're also not comfortable with the expectation of the other side and especially the trans-side.
In short, they live and are in the space in between sexes and genders. It's where they're comfortable, if only society, and even the transcommunity, would let them be and live. But that rarely happens as people want to know which they are and which they want to be. Like it matters? It doesn't to anyone. They're not hurting anyone, but people don't like them challenging that imaginary binary.
So, the pressure and stress on them isn't as people think, their confusion to decide, but from people pushing them from both directions, when all they want to do is live as they are and see themselves. It's hard when it's an either or world and you're an "and" person. The signs don't fit. You don't fit. And everyone makes assumptions about the way you dress, speak, behave, and everything else you.
And sadly, this is also prevalent in the transcommunity. They like little boxes to describe and fit people. They tolerate people moving between boxes or living in several boxes, but not people living outside their boxes, and living in their own space and only a box if there are others doing and being the same. The transcommunity is often as harsh or cruel as the public, except it's inside the community where people can't see.
Why this idea? Well, I've always been a non-box person, besides an out-of-the-box thinker. I've don't like being in or put in boxes. I don't fit in them. I like walking around and peeking over the tops of boxes to see who and what's inside. I like living in the space in between boxes. And I'm not much different with gender.
To be honest, I've never really fit inside any model of what to expect of being a boy or man. I've always just been myself and almost always by myself. I'm very comfortable being alone (and note not lonely or a loner, just being alone). And I'm the same with gender. When I was told it's what a man does, I wouldn't do it unless there was no other choice.
I didn't like doing it. But I also knew it's what family, friends, work, and so on up the scale of our life and world, expected men do. So I tried, but many times, I simply decided not to or walked away. It's my personality, character and temperament. But I also know that all of me would fit better inside a woman and than a man. And that's the conundrum in my life.
I don't consider or see myself as transgender or trans-anything, just me, and just trying to fit into an "or" world with an "and" mind, and living in the space in between.
Friday, January 1, 2010
What's with the word
What's with the word trans and add your own suffix, such as transgender, transsexual, etc.? I don't get why people want to use the term to describe themselves. I guess I can understand using gender identity condition, since it's not a disease or disorder, much against the American Psychiatrist Association (and the other American Psychological Association), but even then, that's just a medical description.
Gender Identity is not a personal one and not one I would use to describe myself, albeit I'm not far from it by some measures, but then we all have gender identity issues about ourselves. Well, most of us do, and those who don't, don't know they have issues about their identity. Sometimes blindness or ignorance is helpful if you don't want to challenge yourself.
But trans-anything when it comes to sex or gender baffles me. I read these blogs and the vast majority of the individuals call themselves transgender or transsexual. Like it's a button you're required to wear? They don't go through life wearing it, so why do it on their blog? So the reader won't find out and feel betrayed or worse?
Yes, I understand it to some degree. It gives someone identity to establish who they are by standards set by the medical community, society, media, etal, and to show people it's who they are, maybe different but still normal among all of us. And truthfully, there really isn't a good word to describe the places on the spectrum or myriad of humans.
Our language isn't like others which have different words for nuances of definitions, like the Inuits have for snow or the Japanese for rain. We're a lumping language instead of a splitting language. It simpliifies things with a word for a broad stroke but then requires either adjectives or supporting phrases to provide the details or finese.
But it's hard when you want to describe something so clear and subtle, but then find you need a sentence or a paragraph to explain something which could be said in a word. Simplicity has value, but not at the expense of the lack for it. We cherish great literary writers, for the great prose and use of words. But if they didn't need so many?
I find it somewhat sad our language is so difficult to describe the human heart and mind. And trans-sex/gender isn't a bad word, only often a misused, an abused or a derogatory word used to demean or condenmn people for being themselves, but different from others. And the truth is we're all trans to some degree. We're not immune from our own language. Only some people more so than others.
But what baffles me even more is when people use it to describe themselves even after their transistion to become legally recognized, or post-transtion, men and women. It's your past and not your present or future. It, however, gives the media something to key a story about you. But it's why I wouldn't use it and would hate someone describing me with it.
I write this after I read the public announcement of Amanda Simpson appointment to the Department of Commerce by President Obama. After the details of her career, it ended with an afterthought that she was a transgender person. LIke it mattered about her skills, intelligence, professional experience for the job? It didn't but it mattered to the LGBT community for one of their own.
Except she isn't having transistioned years earlier while working for Raytheon. I doubt she recognizes or identifies herself as a transwomen, only a woman. So why make it important? For one, they pushed her as a "transgender" woman to show they're supportive of the LGBT community and people. And for another, the LGBT community pushed her as "one of them."
Except she's not. Maybe was, but only if she wanted to use the word. Otherwise, it's irrelevant. And it does, would, and will, for me too.
Gender Identity is not a personal one and not one I would use to describe myself, albeit I'm not far from it by some measures, but then we all have gender identity issues about ourselves. Well, most of us do, and those who don't, don't know they have issues about their identity. Sometimes blindness or ignorance is helpful if you don't want to challenge yourself.
But trans-anything when it comes to sex or gender baffles me. I read these blogs and the vast majority of the individuals call themselves transgender or transsexual. Like it's a button you're required to wear? They don't go through life wearing it, so why do it on their blog? So the reader won't find out and feel betrayed or worse?
Yes, I understand it to some degree. It gives someone identity to establish who they are by standards set by the medical community, society, media, etal, and to show people it's who they are, maybe different but still normal among all of us. And truthfully, there really isn't a good word to describe the places on the spectrum or myriad of humans.
Our language isn't like others which have different words for nuances of definitions, like the Inuits have for snow or the Japanese for rain. We're a lumping language instead of a splitting language. It simpliifies things with a word for a broad stroke but then requires either adjectives or supporting phrases to provide the details or finese.
But it's hard when you want to describe something so clear and subtle, but then find you need a sentence or a paragraph to explain something which could be said in a word. Simplicity has value, but not at the expense of the lack for it. We cherish great literary writers, for the great prose and use of words. But if they didn't need so many?
I find it somewhat sad our language is so difficult to describe the human heart and mind. And trans-sex/gender isn't a bad word, only often a misused, an abused or a derogatory word used to demean or condenmn people for being themselves, but different from others. And the truth is we're all trans to some degree. We're not immune from our own language. Only some people more so than others.
But what baffles me even more is when people use it to describe themselves even after their transistion to become legally recognized, or post-transtion, men and women. It's your past and not your present or future. It, however, gives the media something to key a story about you. But it's why I wouldn't use it and would hate someone describing me with it.
I write this after I read the public announcement of Amanda Simpson appointment to the Department of Commerce by President Obama. After the details of her career, it ended with an afterthought that she was a transgender person. LIke it mattered about her skills, intelligence, professional experience for the job? It didn't but it mattered to the LGBT community for one of their own.
Except she isn't having transistioned years earlier while working for Raytheon. I doubt she recognizes or identifies herself as a transwomen, only a woman. So why make it important? For one, they pushed her as a "transgender" woman to show they're supportive of the LGBT community and people. And for another, the LGBT community pushed her as "one of them."
Except she's not. Maybe was, but only if she wanted to use the word. Otherwise, it's irrelevant. And it does, would, and will, for me too.
The silent majority
I follow the transgender community, along with many other issues, subjects and groups. I do this for a number of reasons which I won't say much beyond the fact the reasons are there. But following and participating are two vastly different matters, which is always intriquing to me because the transgender community assumes transpeople agree with them, or at least publically, but far too often not privately or personally, to avoid showing the deep divisions in the community amongst the different subgroups of people.
And this is what is interesting, because the smallest active group in the transcommunity are the legally recognized, or post-transistion, men and women, those who have finished the medical process and legal avenues to be physically their (target) sex or gender and to have all, or all those possible, legal documents changed, starting with the name change and birth certificate.
And this group has long been claimed by the transcommunity and long labelled by the media as transgender or transsexual. But they're not. The courts are more and more recognizing they're legally male or female, without any qualifier, especially trans-anythng. They're just one of the many men and women in life and the world.
But the interesing point is the numbers of those who after their transistion, silently leave the community if they ever were a part of it, whch sprisingly most do not because the resources available today allows them to simply go through their transistion without ever belonging to let alone being a member of any support group.
In earlier years the support groups were the only resource for transpeople, especially transistioning ones. Wth the Internet, some moved to and found the resources on Website and forums. It's all there, the information and the people, without ever really meeting other transpoeple let alone going or belonging to a group. It's the new indedepence of transpeople, and now the largest way people transistion.
The membership of transgroup is fairly stable at best and decling at worst, mostly becuase they depended on member for money. Without it, and the continued longterm membership getting tired of more and more costs for less return, groups are struggling in many places. And they're attracting fewer new people while the number of new people increases. Which leads to the new reality.
When you do the back of the envelope (or napkin wherever you are) calculations with the number of new legally recognized men and mostly women, simply using the statistics from the current number of surgeons performing sex reassignment surgery, required for women but not men, adding an estimate for the latter, and the number of active or public legally recognized men and women, you discover the reality.
The number of legally recognized men and women not active or public outnumbers the public or active, out of choice or circumstance such as career, life, etc., by a factor of greater than 10 to 1. The percentage of silent legally recognized men and women is about 95% of the total men and women. And this is a conservative estimate and possibly in the 98% range.
They're leaving because they don't see or identify themselves as transgender or transsexual, but simply men and women. The genes are different, and their anatomy is obviously slightly different, after all medical science and technology can only do so much to change the body between the sexes, but the mind isn't different. Even brain research is more and more showing the brain is physically more similar to their non-birth (transistion) sex than the norm.
That's why being transgender is a physical condition and not a mental one, and definitely not a mental disease or disorder, as currently catagorized in the DSM-IVTR. And it's why they think, act, and behave as their identified gender and not their birth gender. And why, once finished with their transistion, they are simply men and women.
Just like everyone else. Just normal like everyone else. Granted the differences, but let's remember we're all different, and we're all a mix of male and female, it's what makes us human. We're not exclusively male or female but some proportion, only transpeople are more the other. But that's a tanget point.
The point is that the transcommunity has no right to call legally recognized men and women transgender and claim them as one of them. They are exclusive of the community once they finish their medical and leagal transistion. And it's why 95+% walk away and never come back.
And it's why their silent. To speak out means coming out. And coming out means becoming public, the last thing they want if they can help it. They don't want to be one of "them" which people associate with drag queens, transvestites, cross-dressers and pre/in-transistion transpeople. They're not and don't want to be.
And it's why the silent majority will never be seen, let alone known. The sad reality of coming out. So silence is better than the alternative.
And this is what is interesting, because the smallest active group in the transcommunity are the legally recognized, or post-transistion, men and women, those who have finished the medical process and legal avenues to be physically their (target) sex or gender and to have all, or all those possible, legal documents changed, starting with the name change and birth certificate.
And this group has long been claimed by the transcommunity and long labelled by the media as transgender or transsexual. But they're not. The courts are more and more recognizing they're legally male or female, without any qualifier, especially trans-anythng. They're just one of the many men and women in life and the world.
But the interesing point is the numbers of those who after their transistion, silently leave the community if they ever were a part of it, whch sprisingly most do not because the resources available today allows them to simply go through their transistion without ever belonging to let alone being a member of any support group.
In earlier years the support groups were the only resource for transpeople, especially transistioning ones. Wth the Internet, some moved to and found the resources on Website and forums. It's all there, the information and the people, without ever really meeting other transpoeple let alone going or belonging to a group. It's the new indedepence of transpeople, and now the largest way people transistion.
The membership of transgroup is fairly stable at best and decling at worst, mostly becuase they depended on member for money. Without it, and the continued longterm membership getting tired of more and more costs for less return, groups are struggling in many places. And they're attracting fewer new people while the number of new people increases. Which leads to the new reality.
When you do the back of the envelope (or napkin wherever you are) calculations with the number of new legally recognized men and mostly women, simply using the statistics from the current number of surgeons performing sex reassignment surgery, required for women but not men, adding an estimate for the latter, and the number of active or public legally recognized men and women, you discover the reality.
The number of legally recognized men and women not active or public outnumbers the public or active, out of choice or circumstance such as career, life, etc., by a factor of greater than 10 to 1. The percentage of silent legally recognized men and women is about 95% of the total men and women. And this is a conservative estimate and possibly in the 98% range.
They're leaving because they don't see or identify themselves as transgender or transsexual, but simply men and women. The genes are different, and their anatomy is obviously slightly different, after all medical science and technology can only do so much to change the body between the sexes, but the mind isn't different. Even brain research is more and more showing the brain is physically more similar to their non-birth (transistion) sex than the norm.
That's why being transgender is a physical condition and not a mental one, and definitely not a mental disease or disorder, as currently catagorized in the DSM-IVTR. And it's why they think, act, and behave as their identified gender and not their birth gender. And why, once finished with their transistion, they are simply men and women.
Just like everyone else. Just normal like everyone else. Granted the differences, but let's remember we're all different, and we're all a mix of male and female, it's what makes us human. We're not exclusively male or female but some proportion, only transpeople are more the other. But that's a tanget point.
The point is that the transcommunity has no right to call legally recognized men and women transgender and claim them as one of them. They are exclusive of the community once they finish their medical and leagal transistion. And it's why 95+% walk away and never come back.
And it's why their silent. To speak out means coming out. And coming out means becoming public, the last thing they want if they can help it. They don't want to be one of "them" which people associate with drag queens, transvestites, cross-dressers and pre/in-transistion transpeople. They're not and don't want to be.
And it's why the silent majority will never be seen, let alone known. The sad reality of coming out. So silence is better than the alternative.
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