Caitlyn Jenner failed to stop while driving on the Pacific Coast Highway and her Cadillac Escalade hit a Lexus pushing it into on coming traffic hitting a Hummer, killing the woman driving the Lexus, and hitting a Toyota Prius. She’s never admitted fault for her actions, said she prayed for the dead woman’s family, and now faces possible vehicular manslauter charges.
Yet she was awarded an Arthur Ashe ESPY award for courage and character for coming out as a transgender woman, even though millions of women have come out, and many transitioned, before her to face hate, discrimination, joblessness, poverty, violence and even death. What courage and character has she shown outside of what of her wealth and privilege has provided her to be insulated from realtiy the rest of us live?
The transgender community has embraced her despite her statements saying transgender women should get jobs and not depend on the government to help them in live and their transition. This from a woman who earned her wealth as Bruce Jenner, Olympic champion, and member of the Kardashian family with the reality TV show.
Caitlyn has admitted to being a staunch republican, flaunting her wealth and privilege on her own TV show, all the while the transgender community thinks she deserves respect for coming out with the help of her money, her family, Vanity Fair magazine and a television network, while she questions ordinary transgender women needing help to survive, live and hopefully transition.
And that's worth an ESPY award. Really?
Friday, August 21, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
So It Goes
So it goes. While many in the transgender community promote gender diversity and the whole spectrum of gender expression and presentation, there are many who, while understanding and accepting the idea of the non-binary, like the binary.
There's nothing wrong with liking and living in the gender binary if it's makes you comforable with yourself and your life. That's your right, and it's not the right of the advocates of the non-binary to criticize, or worse, atack or demonize you.
There's nothing wrong with not identifying as a transgender woman or man and not wanting to be reconized, and especially not labelled, as a transgender woman or man. It's your right to self-identify as non-binary people advocate for themselves.
There's nothing wrong for both sides of the argument for gender identity and the use of the word transgender to exist without declaring war against the other. It's the right of everyone to choose who they are and how they want to be identified.
There's nothing wrong if both sides agree to just let everyone be themselves. And hopefully, to do it respectfully and without malice toward others. But that's not what is these days in the fight for inclusion where inclusion is everyone whether or not they want to be included, and more so want to be excluded.
So it goes these days. The whole transgender community at war within itself. You can't decide for yourself anymore. Others get to decide for you, decide who you are and how you should be called. And argue you can't disagree with them.
And the transgender community wonders why so many (transgender) people don't like them anymore, and don't participate in the community. They created the atmosphere and environment and encourage the fight, forgetting they're losing most of their own in the process.
So it goes. The many not caring, if even watching, and the few yelling at each other about who's right or wrong.
There's nothing wrong with liking and living in the gender binary if it's makes you comforable with yourself and your life. That's your right, and it's not the right of the advocates of the non-binary to criticize, or worse, atack or demonize you.
There's nothing wrong with not identifying as a transgender woman or man and not wanting to be reconized, and especially not labelled, as a transgender woman or man. It's your right to self-identify as non-binary people advocate for themselves.
There's nothing wrong for both sides of the argument for gender identity and the use of the word transgender to exist without declaring war against the other. It's the right of everyone to choose who they are and how they want to be identified.
There's nothing wrong if both sides agree to just let everyone be themselves. And hopefully, to do it respectfully and without malice toward others. But that's not what is these days in the fight for inclusion where inclusion is everyone whether or not they want to be included, and more so want to be excluded.
So it goes these days. The whole transgender community at war within itself. You can't decide for yourself anymore. Others get to decide for you, decide who you are and how you should be called. And argue you can't disagree with them.
And the transgender community wonders why so many (transgender) people don't like them anymore, and don't participate in the community. They created the atmosphere and environment and encourage the fight, forgetting they're losing most of their own in the process.
So it goes. The many not caring, if even watching, and the few yelling at each other about who's right or wrong.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Really
Caitlyn Jenner did what every woman who has transitioned has done before her, is doing now and will do in the future, but very, very few of those women had the family support, money and resources to transition what then Bruce Jenner decided to do, become themself, Caitlyn in this case.
And the vast majority of those women, then, now and to be, have had to deal with the whole array of life's issues with a transition, from coming out to family and friends, and then to come out their employer and co-workers if they had a job, and then become public.
Many of those women faced the whole array of adversity, problems, even hate and violence, and often losing their job or their careers. They had to find the medical resources to go through the transition, facing humiliation and often discrimination, just to get into see doctors or therapists.
Many of those women had to find ways to transition with the money they had, and often with almost no money, to have to resort to work they find dehumanizing. Many had to extend their transition for years for the lack of funds.
Many of those women didn't have the ability to pass in public without looks, stares, or ridicule. Many women didn't have the funds and access to medical resources to get surgery to become passable, and those that do were strapped with significant debt just to get by in life without public humiliation or embarrassment.
And through all that very few got recognition for their courage. Yet Caitlyn gets an ESPY award for courage? Really for what? Doing what hundreds of thousands of woman have done before her, including some professional or amateur athletes.
I don't see she deserves anything more than what many women have already done, but then it only goes to show you what lengths celebrities will go to for publicity and fame. If anything Caitlyn shows, it's not courage, but selfishness for publicity.
And for that ESPN gave her the Arthur Ashe award for courage.
And the vast majority of those women, then, now and to be, have had to deal with the whole array of life's issues with a transition, from coming out to family and friends, and then to come out their employer and co-workers if they had a job, and then become public.
Many of those women faced the whole array of adversity, problems, even hate and violence, and often losing their job or their careers. They had to find the medical resources to go through the transition, facing humiliation and often discrimination, just to get into see doctors or therapists.
Many of those women had to find ways to transition with the money they had, and often with almost no money, to have to resort to work they find dehumanizing. Many had to extend their transition for years for the lack of funds.
Many of those women didn't have the ability to pass in public without looks, stares, or ridicule. Many women didn't have the funds and access to medical resources to get surgery to become passable, and those that do were strapped with significant debt just to get by in life without public humiliation or embarrassment.
And through all that very few got recognition for their courage. Yet Caitlyn gets an ESPY award for courage? Really for what? Doing what hundreds of thousands of woman have done before her, including some professional or amateur athletes.
I don't see she deserves anything more than what many women have already done, but then it only goes to show you what lengths celebrities will go to for publicity and fame. If anything Caitlyn shows, it's not courage, but selfishness for publicity.
And for that ESPN gave her the Arthur Ashe award for courage.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Elinor Burkett
I read Elinor Burkett's article, "What's makes a woman", in the New York Times opinion section of Sunday's (June 7, 2015) newspaper. It was more confusing than anything as she seemed to say what doesn't make a woman than what does.
While I agree with her assessment of the "mainstream" view of transgender activists and celebrities, using Caitlyn Jenner's recent photo shoot and interview (which I disliked for it's obvious self aggrandizement by Ms. Jenner than anything) she makes the mistake to assume that view is shared by the many women who have transitioned or are transitioning.
And in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth, which shows either she knows very little about the transgender people, except from the mainstream media and community, or didn't readily show her knowledge of it beyond the mainstream media and community.
In short, she made false assumptions to make a case, and that's the issue I have beside the other issue where she makes women a very complex construct of physicality, mental characteristics, experience and cultural/society events, she puts men in a large box, including male to female (MTF) transgender people.
Many MTF people don't transition because they're men wanting to be or live as women, and most recognize and acknowledge they can't have what female women have with their body. They transition because of an innate sense of who they are and put themselves into the limits society gives them.
She makes the case that you can't tell a male from a female brain. Not entirely true as neurobiologist have researched and published there are some general physical difference but insufficient to distinguish with any great accuracy.
What she doesn't addressed is that neurobiologist have researched and published that MTF people have brains more similar to female brains than males brains, something she either failed to mentioned or doesn't know. It's not the body that matters, it's the individual's brain that does.
The view of binary gender norms are changing as younger generations reject the male-female binary to be who they want over the whole spectrum, and while some older people also live in that mode, most assume a role they're comfortable with that also fits into what society expects and allows them to live.
As she noted, the majority of transgender people, especially children and young adults, face discrimination and often violence, more than women face in many aspects of society, especially in work and acceptance in public. This is something she neglects to acknowledge.
In addition, many women don't accept the standards of what society expects as women, but often live by it to get through life and work with the least hassles and problems. This is no different that MTF people who transition into a similar role, but women don't have the obviousness of transitioning in public.
She also assumes that all men have male privilege by some gift of society forgetting many men don't have it and don't live with it, and some don't want it. Some of the last find themselves recognizing more as women than men, not in the way Caitlyn expressed but simply as themselves by their personality, character, temperament and identity.
In the end, she has a point about the transgender community as expressed in the mainstream media and many transgender activists and celebrities, but she mistakenly assumes it respresents the whole of the community and all transgender people.
On that note she should talk to more women who have transitioned or are transitioning outside the mainstream media. She will find acceptance of her view about women because they're equally women, just with a different histories and experiences.
While I agree with her assessment of the "mainstream" view of transgender activists and celebrities, using Caitlyn Jenner's recent photo shoot and interview (which I disliked for it's obvious self aggrandizement by Ms. Jenner than anything) she makes the mistake to assume that view is shared by the many women who have transitioned or are transitioning.
And in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth, which shows either she knows very little about the transgender people, except from the mainstream media and community, or didn't readily show her knowledge of it beyond the mainstream media and community.
In short, she made false assumptions to make a case, and that's the issue I have beside the other issue where she makes women a very complex construct of physicality, mental characteristics, experience and cultural/society events, she puts men in a large box, including male to female (MTF) transgender people.
Many MTF people don't transition because they're men wanting to be or live as women, and most recognize and acknowledge they can't have what female women have with their body. They transition because of an innate sense of who they are and put themselves into the limits society gives them.
She makes the case that you can't tell a male from a female brain. Not entirely true as neurobiologist have researched and published there are some general physical difference but insufficient to distinguish with any great accuracy.
What she doesn't addressed is that neurobiologist have researched and published that MTF people have brains more similar to female brains than males brains, something she either failed to mentioned or doesn't know. It's not the body that matters, it's the individual's brain that does.
The view of binary gender norms are changing as younger generations reject the male-female binary to be who they want over the whole spectrum, and while some older people also live in that mode, most assume a role they're comfortable with that also fits into what society expects and allows them to live.
As she noted, the majority of transgender people, especially children and young adults, face discrimination and often violence, more than women face in many aspects of society, especially in work and acceptance in public. This is something she neglects to acknowledge.
In addition, many women don't accept the standards of what society expects as women, but often live by it to get through life and work with the least hassles and problems. This is no different that MTF people who transition into a similar role, but women don't have the obviousness of transitioning in public.
She also assumes that all men have male privilege by some gift of society forgetting many men don't have it and don't live with it, and some don't want it. Some of the last find themselves recognizing more as women than men, not in the way Caitlyn expressed but simply as themselves by their personality, character, temperament and identity.
In the end, she has a point about the transgender community as expressed in the mainstream media and many transgender activists and celebrities, but she mistakenly assumes it respresents the whole of the community and all transgender people.
On that note she should talk to more women who have transitioned or are transitioning outside the mainstream media. She will find acceptance of her view about women because they're equally women, just with a different histories and experiences.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Talk is cheap
The truth is most tranwomen of privilege talk a lot about the conditions and circumstances of transwomen in general and those less privileged or less economically off than them, but in the end, they don't really care enough about them.
They give speeches, even get awards for their experience and lives, but every night go home to their privileged lifestyle and enjoy a good life while all the rest of the transwomen in this country struggle to live, fight to exist, and try to get through each day.
There's a big divide in the transcommunity, very much like the rest of the country, between the haves and have nots, the 99% of transpeople just getting through life finding ways to get through their transition and get on with their life, and the 1% who talk about it and nothing else.
Talk is cheap when it comes to transpeople, especially transwomen, notwithstanding their race, ethnicity or heritage. Talk is what the transwomen of privilege find easy, because they don't live the reality of the rest once they've attained privilege, if they even had to attain because it was given to them.
Talk is cheap. As we've seen some come out to sell books, some for the spotlight, some to be celebrities, and some because it's the goal to be at the forefront of an issue without investing themselves in it beyond talking about it.
Talk is cheap. Just hear all the transwomen talk about it, but ask them what have they done other than talk, other than be in the spotlight, write books, give speeches, meet with the media, give interviews, etc., in other words, just talk.
Talk is cheap to the transwomen trying to have a life, but talk is what transwomen of privilege use to make a living on all the lives of the rest of the transwomen. Words pay the bills of the 1% but does nothing for the 99%.
They give speeches, even get awards for their experience and lives, but every night go home to their privileged lifestyle and enjoy a good life while all the rest of the transwomen in this country struggle to live, fight to exist, and try to get through each day.
There's a big divide in the transcommunity, very much like the rest of the country, between the haves and have nots, the 99% of transpeople just getting through life finding ways to get through their transition and get on with their life, and the 1% who talk about it and nothing else.
Talk is cheap when it comes to transpeople, especially transwomen, notwithstanding their race, ethnicity or heritage. Talk is what the transwomen of privilege find easy, because they don't live the reality of the rest once they've attained privilege, if they even had to attain because it was given to them.
Talk is cheap. As we've seen some come out to sell books, some for the spotlight, some to be celebrities, and some because it's the goal to be at the forefront of an issue without investing themselves in it beyond talking about it.
Talk is cheap. Just hear all the transwomen talk about it, but ask them what have they done other than talk, other than be in the spotlight, write books, give speeches, meet with the media, give interviews, etc., in other words, just talk.
Talk is cheap to the transwomen trying to have a life, but talk is what transwomen of privilege use to make a living on all the lives of the rest of the transwomen. Words pay the bills of the 1% but does nothing for the 99%.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
The trick
The trick to getting through life in public as a (trans)woman is simple. Either be beautiful where you turn heads in admiration or you don't turn heads being invisible, meaning just any other woman. Anything else turns heads in curiousity or worse, and more often than not the latter.
To the former, consider your luck and work, and in some cases surgery, to pass and be nice to the latter who may pass some of the time but not most if not all the time. Their life is hard enough transitioning, adding subtle public opinion only makes it harder.
To the former, consider your luck and work, and in some cases surgery, to pass and be nice to the latter who may pass some of the time but not most if not all the time. Their life is hard enough transitioning, adding subtle public opinion only makes it harder.
Monday, January 5, 2015
A Rule
From the news of the recent suicide of Leelah Alcorn in Ohio (long story, look it up), there has been a lot of opinion said and written about her and suicide, and many people resurrecting the advice to other how to know and then engage them if you think someone is contemplating and even planning suicide.
Well, here's a rule you should always remember! If you are not a professional therapist who has experience with suicide or a suicide counselor:
Do not think you know someone is suicidial and do not engage them in talking about suicide.
You don't know squat when it comes to suicide so don't make matters worse, and you can and often will, if you engage them to talk about suicide, and force them deeper into their own world. You can and likely will push them the wrong way.
The solution is to find someone who does know and talk to them, and then let them decide what to do, and if necessary, engage the person. And don't suddenly start acting and talking differently around them or to them. They're not stupid, and they're likley to react to you the wrong way.
And do not report them to anyone with legal authority. The last thing they want or need is legal intervention where they lose their rights and face legal hurdles. You could be wrong, and they last thing you want is to make a lifelong enemy.
In short, help them by not helping them, but just be a friend, no different than before, just be there whenever they want to be with you. No more. Just be there.
Friday, January 2, 2015
A Lot Said
A lot has been said about the suicide of Leelah Alcorn, and from what I've read, which isn't much because I get tired reading the same arguments repeated ad naseum by people thinking they're smart but really just espousing their opinion.
I can't add much to it except to say she's not around anymore, less by her choice as by her life, and it's clear the circumstances of young transgender people totally depends on one's support group, starting with their parents and family, and then everyone else.
We can all think we have some experience with people in similar situations, as I might losing a nephew at 19 to suicide with deeply religious parents, but I can't really, as all of us can't say much because we don't really know beyond what the news and information which has been released.
I can only say there are common signs of people not just thinking about suicide, but on the edge of commiting suicide, because of what I've read over the years and what I've experienced in my life, being there twice and didn't for reasons I don't fully know even now.
What I do know is what she wrote, "Fix society.", is really at the heart of the issue, because transgender children and youths need understanding and love above all else to be themselves, and failing that, it's very easy to slowly implode into oneself and pretend to everyone else.
It's one of the common signs of children and youths for a variety of circumstances, but it's hard to discern them from their personality, character and temperament which is dynamic all the time. It's why those close to them don't see it, but most don't even care to look for it.
And this I know throughout my childhood being mentally abandoned by my parents and left to live within my own world. And what clues they saw only lead to more denial and ignorance on their part, and more isolation on mine.
The criticism against blaming Leelah's parents is somewhat, but not entirely, unfair because parents reacting badly and worse to transgender children and youths runs the gamut of families as do the parents of those accepting and supporting of their transgender children and youths.
What we must think about is that Leelah's life, like those of all children and youths is bound by their own sense of themselves and their world, a significantly smaller and limited version adults live in under the psychological framework of bounded rationality.
Except their world isn't all that rational (many adults' world aren't either) but one thing overrides all other thoughts about her life and death and all children and youths almost all adults don't want to accept let alone try to understand.
Children know themselves with respect to their gender and gender identity better than everything else about themselves. This is established in the research about being a transgender person that it is discovered between 3-6 years and pretty much fixed by age 10-12.
It's a given in them they know and express, and it's only the adults who don't get it, or worse react to dismiss it and worse argue and even fight against it and their own children. Leelah was no different and there lies the heart of the issue.
A child and young adult didn't have the chance to live as she knew who and what she was. Who failed is left to those who live with her death, if they actually do rethink their own views or just decide denial, whether in faith or something else are the answers.
For everyone else, all we have is what could have been, which we don't even know that, so it's best to keep our thoughts and feelings in silence. We don't need more voices about it or the issue. We need resources for them no matter their circumstance and situation.
We need resources where transgender children and more so youth can get help to live when they can be free of the physical and mental chains of their youth imposed by their families and loved ones. Leelah seemed to see it but didn't find it.
I can't add much to it except to say she's not around anymore, less by her choice as by her life, and it's clear the circumstances of young transgender people totally depends on one's support group, starting with their parents and family, and then everyone else.
We can all think we have some experience with people in similar situations, as I might losing a nephew at 19 to suicide with deeply religious parents, but I can't really, as all of us can't say much because we don't really know beyond what the news and information which has been released.
I can only say there are common signs of people not just thinking about suicide, but on the edge of commiting suicide, because of what I've read over the years and what I've experienced in my life, being there twice and didn't for reasons I don't fully know even now.
What I do know is what she wrote, "Fix society.", is really at the heart of the issue, because transgender children and youths need understanding and love above all else to be themselves, and failing that, it's very easy to slowly implode into oneself and pretend to everyone else.
It's one of the common signs of children and youths for a variety of circumstances, but it's hard to discern them from their personality, character and temperament which is dynamic all the time. It's why those close to them don't see it, but most don't even care to look for it.
And this I know throughout my childhood being mentally abandoned by my parents and left to live within my own world. And what clues they saw only lead to more denial and ignorance on their part, and more isolation on mine.
The criticism against blaming Leelah's parents is somewhat, but not entirely, unfair because parents reacting badly and worse to transgender children and youths runs the gamut of families as do the parents of those accepting and supporting of their transgender children and youths.
What we must think about is that Leelah's life, like those of all children and youths is bound by their own sense of themselves and their world, a significantly smaller and limited version adults live in under the psychological framework of bounded rationality.
Except their world isn't all that rational (many adults' world aren't either) but one thing overrides all other thoughts about her life and death and all children and youths almost all adults don't want to accept let alone try to understand.
Children know themselves with respect to their gender and gender identity better than everything else about themselves. This is established in the research about being a transgender person that it is discovered between 3-6 years and pretty much fixed by age 10-12.
It's a given in them they know and express, and it's only the adults who don't get it, or worse react to dismiss it and worse argue and even fight against it and their own children. Leelah was no different and there lies the heart of the issue.
A child and young adult didn't have the chance to live as she knew who and what she was. Who failed is left to those who live with her death, if they actually do rethink their own views or just decide denial, whether in faith or something else are the answers.
For everyone else, all we have is what could have been, which we don't even know that, so it's best to keep our thoughts and feelings in silence. We don't need more voices about it or the issue. We need resources for them no matter their circumstance and situation.
We need resources where transgender children and more so youth can get help to live when they can be free of the physical and mental chains of their youth imposed by their families and loved ones. Leelah seemed to see it but didn't find it.
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