Christmas Wish

The only thing I want for Christmas is the body I've always wanted, knowing and feeling who I know I am. Maybe one of these years I'll get there. For now the worse feeling in the world is knowing what's inside isn't what people see on the outside, and there's little you can do about it, for now anyway. But there's more Christmas' to come, and patience is your best friend and worst enemy.

They are back

I've put all my post back on-line. There isn't anything there I'm ashamed of or disagree with even now, so they're all there to show what I've thought over the last few years, nothing really new or news, let alone newsworthy, just thinking out loud and my opinion.

I'll leave the rest to the reader. Enjoy or not, but at least smile a little. It doesn't hurt.

Not Funny

The truth is if TV or the movie producers actually portrayed a (trans)woman in a scene or episode properly there wouldn't be anything unusual about it because a woman is a woman, and every woman has a history, some just have a slightly different one than being a girl when she was young.

When 2 1/2 men had cis-gender female play the role of a transwoman they still did a bad job of it than what they could have done, but since it is a comedy show and anything is open for laughs, well anything the public likes to joke about, transwomen are easy targets.

Would they have portrayed a gay man as an effiminate, even flamboyant, man? Would they have portrayed a transman was a butch lesbian or vice versa? Would they have portrayed a skinhead as a sexist racist?

No they wouldn't, because the jokes would backfire on them from the media and the various groups. But transgender people, really transwomen, are still fair game for the media. It's why many in or post transition woman aren't out or in the transcommunity.

No wants to become a target for hate or jokes. If you notice the only out (trans)women are always "passable", usually beautiful. That's because it's what the media wants and they (transwomen) think how it best portrays them.

It doesn't, it only glamorizes them and forces the rest to try to live to that standard. Gee, where have we heard that argument about women and beauty. Either you are or want to be beautiful, and it doesn't matter what type of woman you are, just be beautiful.

I won't argue against as some have that a cis-gender female is good to portray the woman in the show's episode. I think it was fair to show you can't tell the difference between a genetic woman and an in or post transition woman because there is no real difference outside of their birth sex.

And that's not what makes good comedy. They could have just as easily found ways to make having been or being transgender funny is a positive way, they didn't. They chose the standard laugh line to make sex the joke and make the audience stupidier in the process.

That doesn't help the cause of transgender women. And they wonder why we hate the media for things like this. Being stupid and not funny is what it is, it's called the media.

The Same

A child's sense of themself as a boy or a girl is innate and they self-recognize at an early age which is reinforced by the time they're 5-6 years old when they interact with other children and the world. That is given that parents assume their sex and gender are the same.

That doesn't change and isn't any different when the boy identifies as a girl or a girl identifies as a boy. It's the same self-recognition of themselves. That what anti-transgender activists forget. Children are children to know who they are.

I get tired of the activists arguing that a boy doesn't know who they are when the identify as a girl, but then say the opposite when the boy never questions being a boy, or the same about a girl whether she identifies as a girl or a boy.

They can't keep using different standards for the same thing, and I wish people would question them, challenge them and call them out for their hypocrisy.

Here is the deal

To those who rail at transgender people needing anti-discrimination laws for their rights and protections, here's the deal, simply put so you understand the underlying problem. Ready?

When you stop discriminating against transgender people, especially using hate and more so violence against them, and treat them as everyone else, then they don't need anti-discrimination laws to protect their rights and hold you legally liable and accountable.

Not hard to see, learn and understand is it? If you're the problem, then you're the solution. It's not rocket science, it's human dignity.

Not a Reason

I read the announcement by Megan Wallant that she was transitioning back to being Michael by April 2013, see link below, because of the health issues associated with the forms of estrogen used with Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) to change the internal hormone balance from male to female.

There are risks associated with both drugs normally used with HRT, namely Spironlactone and Estradoil with a few lesser drugs for some people. With some people either or both the drugs can produce adverse effects or have pronounced side effects, the former blocking the action of testosterone and the latter producing female-like effects.

Spironlactone can also reduce the metabolism in some people requiring them to gain additional weight on top of the effects of the additional fat while helping to lose weight on others with the decrease in muscle mass without gaining much fat. This is more due to genetics than drugs.

Estradoil is the one which can have the more pronounced adverse effects in the brain by changing the person's emotions and mental makeup. This is the drug which most transitioning women write about with the changes they note over the months and years of their transition.

Estradoil, mostly oral form but other forms of the supplements, has recently (2012) been found to exacerbate symptoms and conditions of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, especially bleeding in their intestinal track.

It has also been noted with a few women who transition is that estradoil can exacerbate a predisposition for depression, especially for those with genetic Dysthymia or a depression-sensitive personality or character.

What Megan wrote about, on her blog is also true for those predisposed to the risk of blood clots. I would, however, argue that not being able to take HRT isn't a reason to not just discontinue one's transition but to transition back to being male.

This is especially true if one has completed their transition with facial cosmetic surgery and even breast augmentation, whether or not they've had Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS), usually called sex reassignment surgery in the US.

You can live as a woman without taking estradoil and take low to moderate dosage of Spironlactone until your GCS after which isn't unnecessary, but even then some take low dosages of testosterone to keep a minmum level for health reasons.

I won't argue against her decision, that's her personal one to make and we to respect. I would argue by itself it's not a reason if you are a woman and want to live the rest of your life as a woman. You don't need estrogen for it.

If you are happy being the woman you know you are, then drugs won't change that, they only help but they aren't or shouldn't be reasons to go back if you can't take them. There are genetic females who can't take more due to the same risks.

The inability to take estrogen only changes one's plans with their transition but not their goal. You adapt and adjust, and if necessary take a break to rethink the plan, but never rethink the goal. It's about being yourself whoever that is, drugs or not.

Lifting the Ban

The Obama administration, namely the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) is considering lifting the ban under Medicare rules on Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) for patients diagnosed with Gender Identity Condition (GIC) and undergoing a medically supervised course of treatment for which SRS is recommended.

They should lift the ban and allow patients to be covered for SRS as part of their transition. That's common sense since the initial decision to ban SRS was made in the 1960's and the last decision on it was made in the 1980's. Science has changed a lot to show SRS is doable and affordable with a high success rate and few complications.

That's the good news, but I wouldn't hold your breath if you're on Medicare. It will be some time before the ban is lifted and then more time to find surgeons willing to accept Medicare patients for the remibursement, meaning if you still want it, get out your checkbook.

I say this because over 3 years ago the Obama administration sent a letter to the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) which oversees the Federal Employees Health Benefit (FEHB) program for health insurance for active and retired federal and postal retirees to lift the ban under that program.

The exclusion still exists in the health insurance plans offered to members and their families. While it is illegal to discriminate against transgender (in or post transition) employees, it is still legal for health insurance companies to discriminate against anyone undergoing a transition.

In short, it's the same answer and situation. While a few health insurance companies provide full coverage for GIC, including SRS, the coverage for employees are mostly provided directly by hundreds of companies and corporations as part of the employee's benefits.

So how about it President Obama, stop talking and recommending change, but actually see it happens with both the FEHB and Medicare?

Three years is too long for those who have already transitioned out of their own pocket for something which the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and the American Medical Association (AMA) have supported being covered by insurance.

GIC is a known and treatable condition with a long standing course of course of medically supervised treatment with over 98% successful satisfaction for patients. Reducing the out-of-pocket expenses to the affordable range which their health insurance is the right thing.

It's the human and humane thing to do. How about some action now Mr. President? Words don't write checks, and people with GIC have long paid the financial price with many still waiting to save for it. Don't talk, act!

Frustration

I wonder if those transitioning women on the social networking Websites realize that describing and documenting their changes on hormone replacement theraphy drugs, while good for them to get, know and celebrate, only frustrates those who at best can only take small dosages or at worst can't take them for the adverse side effects or comorbidity.

But then as someone said about this, "Hey, there's always surgery.", and not being on HRT won't disqualify you for gender confirmation surgery. It's just that to some it's frustrating to see what they are missing which many use as the basis for being real about a transition when it's about the person, not the drugs.

Yeah

Well, I didn't stay silent for very long. It's not my nature when I see obvious contradictions. So, I guess I'll undo some of the past post and write some more about what I see and think. But no, it hasn't changed my personal plans about my life.

Those plans are fluid for now as I sort out the finances to finish what I started and hope to finish sometime in the next 2-3 years. All I have left are the surgeries, and sadly, none are covered by health insurance despite the best medical advise and political pressure to do so.

Such is life as anyone who goes through it knows all too well. As Rusty Wallace said at the beginning of a race, "Stay tuned Hotrod, we're just getting started." Well, I'm well down the road and waiting for now. Patience is a virtue except when you want it done.

A Dumb Question

Why do (trans)women who argue against the gender binary, arguing that people have the right to be who they are and defy the socially accepted standards for the gender binary then dress, behave, act, speak, etc. in public just like women, effectively reinforcing the gender binary?

Coming out as a (trans)woman and living as a woman isn't arguing against the gender binary, it's becoming one of them. And isn't that the goal anyway, to transition and become invisible in the world as a woman? So why say you're fighting against how you're living?

Update and Changes

This will likely be my last post for awhile as I've decided I don't want to argue with the people in the transcommunity anymore and just want to get on with my life and changes I had planned and worked for but have struggled with the associated medical problems and financial issues.

It's also because I have a new plan to get through the changes and it doesn't involve anything or anyone in the transcommunity. I have all the medical and other professionals I need to change and don't plan to say anything more, as I tell friends, "It's personal and private and not open for public discussion."

I applaud younger and especially young transitioners who can be open and public - Tumblr is a good place to find them, and while it works for some transitioners, even older ones, it doesn't work and even sucks for some older people.

It's not about the person, they know who they are and what they want to do about their life. It's what people expect and don't like when they see or hear about people changing. I don't need or want it. I just want to live my life.

So I don't plan to post here except every now and then.  I've moved all the previous posts to draft and may bring some of them back in the future, but I don't think they do much for anyone else except let me think out loud.

Otherwise, thanks for readers. I wish you well.

Transmen

The problem with transmen is that they're just like men. It's what they want and who they want to become. And they wonder why after they transition women treat them just like other men.

The Difference

The difference between a cross-dresser and a woman (all inclusive, trans or otherwise) is really very easy and simple. The clothes define a cross-dresser. A woman defines her clothes.

For All the Reason

All the reason a cis-gendered woman tells a transwomen why the transwoman shouldn't transition are all the reasaons a transwoman wants to and should transition.

Why

The purpose of SRS is so the person reaches down between their legs and feels what they love than what they hate. It's that simple. Nothing more and nothing less.

The Simple Truth

No one wants to be transgender. Every transgender person would have loved to have been born in the sex they know they are in their mind that isn't in their body. Every transwoman would have loved to have been born female, raised as a girl, develop into a woman and lived her life as every woman knows.

No one wants to be transgender. In many ways it's one of the worst fates a person can be born, to know they will always be an outcast because of the conflict they know and almost everyone else will hate them, and even deny them their opportunity to change their body.

No one wants to be transgender. Even if they transition to become physically a woman and legally recognized as female, they will always know their past will never go away no matter how hard they try. They know there will always be moments when the truth is known.

No one wants to be transgender. Who would? If you don't believe it, then ask yourself if you were born with the body of the sex different than your mind, your gender identity, yourself. How would you feel? What would you do?

You see, it's really easy to see and understand. That's the simple truth.

HRT

While Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is one, and often considered the most, part of a transition, many transitioning people not only tolerate HRT, their body change significantly to even dramatically over months to years on it.

But some have issues if not problems with it as their body requires a very narrow range of hormone levels to work, meaning their estrogen levels can't go higher than their normal and their testosterone levels can't go much lower than their normal level.

If they change those levels outside the range, their body revolts from physical problems to mental problems, including excerbating some inherent problems, especially those prone to depression. This is true for estradoil in any form.

It's why some transitiong people have to find alternative routes, from surgeries to just living with what their body allows. So, don't judge someone who doesn't look like their transitioning and isn't on HRT, and don't tell them they're not real or serious about it because they're not on HRT.

They can't and you shouldn't.

The Difference

When someone decides to transition, the hardest part is recognizing the difference between chasing a dream of themselves and the reality of their being. The former will almost assuredly lead to problems between what they want to become versus what they are becoming.

The latter, however, won't necessarily lead to complete happiness with themself, but it will lead to being comfortable with what the could have and did achieve with their transition, someone they can live with and be the rest of their life with no regrets.

All I want

All I want is to be comfortable in and with my own body. You would think the medical community would jump at the chance to say ok, and do what's expected and necessary for that treatment which leads to a cure.

You would think. Some of them do. In fact most of them do. So why doesn't my insurance company? What don't they understand about a cure for a problem easily doable with a known treatment plan? And why hasn't the medical community demanded fair treatment by the health insurance?

They've "recommended" it. To date, however, the health insurance has never explained why they explicitly exclude the very treatment which is a cure, and they keep ignoring the medical community's advice. All for a condition easily and affordably treated.

Surprising

It's surprising that some small change in a person's physical anatomy, the change, addition or removal of something, can make the greatest change in the mental health of a person, so they can say they are complete and whole.

You would think the medically community would quickly jump at this small treatment which cures so many problems of a person that all the therapy, medical intervention, or anything other treatment can't do. One simple thing.

So why do they put so many roadblocks to this one thing? It's not rocket science. It's not really medically confusing. A simple decision to say ok, and all the other issues and problems fade into their past and give them a future.

You would think. Surprising it's not.

Why

Why would any woman who goes through her transition, surgeries to be physically female and legal documents changed to be legally recognized as female, and living as any other woman still identify as and call herself publically transgender?

That's what, not who, you were for describing a medical condition for the sake of others, but it's just a label you don't need and shouldn't want, not just following you when you get through and on with your life, but wearing like a lapel pin.

It's one thing to be a role model for women. It's another to have been known as a role model for transwomen when you were in transition and who you can be when you're through it as a woman, but not as an identity.

To say to everyone, "I am a woman. I am transgdender." You were transgender, not are transgender, but then some still see themselves as such, something I don't understand why.

Sometimes

Sometimes people transition not to become someone but to unbecome someone else. Sometimes people transition to female not necessarily because they want to embrace everything women have, do and are, but to get away from being everything men have, do and are, to become who they want to be, even if it's a boyish or androgynous woman.

It's about becoming someone they are comfortable being and being in their own skin and body. Sometimes it's not what's expected of them to be, which often creates it's own internal and external conflicts with the transcommunity and transpeople, especially transwomen who demand all are overtly women, but who and what they want to be.

That's where they live and are, something not often understood, let alone respected, by the transcommunity and other transwomen. Sometimes it's just about being human and nothing more or nothing else, wherever it lies on the gender continuum.

The Law

I read the open letter by Heather McNamara to CNN to change the network's position to refer to Private Bradley Manning as the name, Chelsea, and gender, female, he prefers and has chosen to live by in prison. The other media networks have chosen to use Chelsea and female, even NPR reversed their recognition to this.

I personally don't care either way, but there is one thing all the people arguing for Private Manning to be accorded proper recognition. It's called the law. Transgender people may request people use their prefered name and gender but until they get their official name change and documents changed for their gender, they are their legal name and gender.

In that respect CNN is right and others wrong. The transcommunity needs to remember they don't have special rules for prisoners than citizens, and imply prisoners have special privileges not afforded citizens only shows the transcommunity's narrow focus on some people than the greater community of transgender people.

I won't argue Manning deserves some measure of recognition for coming out and speaking out, and the media can choose for themselves how they recognize him or her in their news stories, but the law doesn't change for Manning or the fact of being a prisoner.

Manning can't officially and formally be recognized until he complies with it, like all the rest of the transgender people going through their transition and have to follow the law for their name change and documents changed.

On that issue and matter, nothing changes for Manning or anyone else, so it's fair and reasonable to consider Manning by his past until it's changed to her future. Even the military knows that, but many in the transcommunity don't seem to know or know but don't care.

Get the Facts Right

Let's get the fact right. Ok? For one gender identity is not a mental disease or disorder. It only is an issue, and sometimes a problem, with the individual when there is a conflict with the rest of their world and environment and those issues or problems causes stress, anxiety, etc.

This is what the APA finally got right with the DSM-V which establishes it as a condition which is only a mental or medical issue from outside influences or stress, namely family, friends, work, etc. Otherwise, an individual recognizing the difference between the physical sex and their gender is just that and the medical protocols and proceedures to transition are clearly defined by WPATH.

The reason it's still called and some identify with Gender Identity Disorder is because it's defined and described that way in the last edition of the DSM-IV. That changed in May of this year with the DSM-V which removed it as disorder in and of itself, and only from other forces.

This is proven by the tens of thousands of post-transition, legally recognized male or female people in the US who are living normal lives with the physical body and gender in congruence without any stress or anxiety and the hundred of thousands of in-transition people along with the gender different and variant folks.

Gee, happy, normal people people. What a concept. What people confuse with gender identity is the time between when the individual realize it's a possibility to the time they begin their transition and then live in the gender they know they are.

During that time, the therapist's role is to clarify their patient's thoughts, feelings and emotions about themselves and help them determine where they are on the gender scale and help them find a way to live in the gender(s) they're happiest with themselves and their life.

The only decision a therapist makes is to agree with the self-diagnosis and self-recognition of the person's gender identity to approve the use of hormones to help their transtion. Hormones are not a requirement of a transition, as some people have physical and mental health issues with them, but it helps change the body and mind.

After that, it's just the time the individual needs or takes to transition especially if they want diferent significant surgeries to change their body from male to female or female to male. While there are standards for approval for it, the standards also vary with the individual and the medical professionals assisting their transition.

The point I wanted to make was to dispel the confusion about gender identity. It's not the issue or the problem, it's everybody else and their problems with a person with gender identity. They are the ones in need of therapy more than the individual with gender identity, mostly to get their understanding and attitude changed.

That's the fact, so stop blaming or castigating gender different or variant people. They're normal, just another human being like all of us.

Really

Reading the news it strikes me the transcommunity, especially the most vocal and public transwomen, will bust their humps to get prison inmates, especially now that Manning has announced to transition in prison in Leavenworth, to get them proper medical care, mostly therapy but especially hormones, free but they won't lift a finger to write a word to help all the transwomen with and especially without health insurnance to cover their transition care and costs, even when they can and want to pay for it through premiums, co-pay and non-essential costs out of pocket.

Is there a more WTF moment with the transcommunity than this? Is it really more about the vocal and public transwomen getting attention than actually get real stuff done for the vast majority of transitioning women?

And no, I don't forget or exclude the work of some of the excellent organizations working on the real issues for transwomen, like medical care, health insurance, job protections, human rights, etc. But the real work is always done by the individual on their own at their own expense, and it's only when they're almost if not completely done do others take credit for "helping" raise the issue.

Yeah, right. I won't argue the transcommunity needs the organizations working and getting results for transwomen, but I'll always argue it doesn't need the voices of the attention-getting transwomen who think they're helping but aren't outside of the publicity.

Don't believe it? Think about all the people who fought to get the California law passed and signed to protect transgender children? Can you name any of them? Did they seek publicitiy or did they focus on the issue and got results?

But how many are speaking out for Manning and the transwomen in state, federal prison? And how much human and financial resources are being spent to protect their rights and help them get free medical care while the rest of the transcommunity has to pay for and often a lot?

And how quickly they want you to forget they're in prison for a reason, they committed crimes, some including the brutal murder of their spouse. Let's not forget Manning stole and gave Wikileaks hundreds of thousands of classified documents. That's why Manning is in Leavenworth, not to get free transition care.

Any wonder people pause to think many in and out the transcommunity have their priorities wrong? And wonder why the LGB community doesn't stand up for transgender people? You only have to look at the voices being raised over and for Manning.

Someone Explain

Someone please explain why inmates in civilian prisons, military prisions soon to follow, can get medical care for Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and get transition care with therapy, hormones and maybe even surugery (lawsuits pending) paid by the state or federal taxpayers while transgender people with health insurance can't get the same care and have to pay out of their own pocket?

It's a WTF moment for the vast majority of transpeople who want adequate medical care for their transition and face discrimination from the medical community and the health insurance companies, and pay for some, especially surgeries, and have to pay for their care through their premiums and co-pay.

Many health insurance companies still discriminate by explicitly prohiting costs for "sex transformation" care, from simple physician visits and exams through therapy and drugs to surgeries. It's only really covered by companies, organizations and state and local government through self-coverage for employees.

The federal government health insurance programs for active and retired employees and for Medicare beneficiaries still does not cover GID through their government-private health insurance plans, even 3 years after the President order the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) to add it for active and retired employees plans.

So why do inmates get rights for the healthcare even when some will never be paroled and will die in prison? Someone explain the logic on human rights for that, sacrifice the many who haven't committed any crimes, have health insurance and will pay for their care while the few in prison who aren't paying for it - they're paying for their crimes, not healthcare - will get it free.

Bradley/Chelsea will get therapy and hormones (the latter eventually) for GID in military prison at our expense and be ready to finish her transition when she is paroled as soon as 7 years. Two lawsuits, one in Massachusetts and Indiana, will provide inmates with sex reassignment surgery for two women who will never be paroled.

And yet the vast majority of transwomen who have done nothing wrong will pay $20-50,000 for their transition through premiums, co-pay and out-of-pocket expenses for everything associated with their transition, because the law allows health insurance companies and employers to discriminate against them.

It defies logic, fairness and justice.

Let's Understand

I've been reading the range of opinions about Bradley/Chelsea Manning (pick your preference) and while some argue, and somewhat rightfully, that the government, from whom Manning stole and gave hundreds of thousands of document to Wikileaks and other organizations, should cover some transition costs.

Granted the military psychiatrists diagnosed Manning with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), but they did nothing and neither did Manning. He had the whole range of choices then, including to resign with an honorable discharge and transition under the VA coverage (yes, they get coverage now, except surgeries), but he choose to stay and steal government documents.

Whether the documents were worseless or imporant is irrelevant to the point he waited until he was sentenced and going to the military prison in Leavenworth, Kansas, to announce he's female and wants the government to accommodate her and her transition.

Let's understand Manning is only on square one of a transition and the question is what's reasonable while Manning is in prison. The government can and should provide psychiatric care and maybe hormone replacement therapy, but should they allow Manning to live in a male ward, female ward or a separate one for the period of his/her incaration?

That's the question in front of the government but let's not forget what Manning did and push the GID issue to the forefront overlooking the criminal acts and the conviction. Granted the sentence is stiff but Manning will be eligible for parole in 7 years where he/she can then finish her transition.

I personally have no doubt Manning will be paroled sooner than later and quietly sometime after the 7 years has passed, all because the government has said the documents weren't that important to national security and they don't want the publicity surrounding Manning and his case.

Then Manning can get on with whatever life he/she wants. And that's what, in my view, should happen. If the military wants to allow his/her transition in prison, fine, but under the rules and not pressured by the transcommunity out of their narrowmindedness.

Let's keep the focus on the criminal acts and not the criminal.

Military Study

We learned this week the US Department of Defense (military) study to transgender personnel in the military isn't funded by the military, not even by the US government, but a $1.35 Million grant from a Taiwan foundation owned by an American billionaire, who also announced he/she will be transitioning from male to female.

It only goes to show the military, transgender people can serve, and the question is how, which is easy, just like everyone else, but if they have transitioned before they enlist or transition during their service, and then make the military decide what is paid by whom and how you accommodate them during their transition.

Good luck on that. History has shown it works and works well.

Sorry Mr/Ms Manning

I'm sorry you're going to prison for 35 years, but then you'll be eligible for parole in 7 years (10 minus time serve so it's not that bad considering your crimes, which although all the information you stole and gave to Wikileaks wasn't really that harmful to the US, you still stole it despite your agreement with your employment not to steal.

But I'm not sorry you won't and shouldn't get care for being transgender as you now proclaim you have been all these years. I realize transgender people have no protections in the military but you made the choice to hide that but steal government documents.

Which would have been easier and better for you, getting a discharge and transitioning, or not and going to prison? Almost sounds like a no-brainer but apparently not for you. I do not agree with anyone that you should get care for being transgender outside of anything that is life-threatening.

That doesn't include hormones, electrolysis, and especially surgeries. As has been noted, all you get is psychiatric care for Gender Identity Disorder. Good luck with that and think about your transition 7 years from now when it's not on the taxpayers to pay for it.

What you stole is inconsequential to the government but you still stole it, and for that you should pay for your crime, but the taxpayers shouldn't pay for anything else during your time. You made your choices, the government gets to make theirs now.

Why

Why do I get the impression that it's the LG(BTIQA...) community, where those in the parenthesis are secondary in the minds of the first two but mostly the gay (G) men community? One would almost get the impression it's male sexist privilege thing, and everyone else, even lesbians, are less.

Not an Apology

Apologizing for misgendering a person isn't an apology, it's just an excuse for being inconsiderate and insensitive and not asking in the first place. You can always use gender neutral words to describe someone if you don't know or didn't have a chance to ask, but apologizing later for not using appropriate words, especially pronouns, doesn't change the original mistake. It does, however, give you the opportunity to learn so it doesn't happen again.

Do Not Confuse

Do not confuse crossdressing with being transgender. They are totally different catagories of people and while a few crossdressers eventually recognize themselves as transgender the overwhelming majority of crossdressers are not transgender, meaning identifying as someone who's gender is not mostly if not completey their birth sex.

This is supported by the DSM-V which separates crossdressing out of catagory of transgender and into its own catagory about crossdressing for personal or sexual pleasaure. Crossdressers don't need therapy, and in fact it's against the professional psychological and psychiatric associations to require therapy, and only if it creates a problem with their personal or professional life, but not the crossdressing itself.

The term transgender is an umbrella term which is almost totally meaningless and only in the context of the person using it as the definition varys with every individual to include or exclude some groups under the umbrella or as separate independent groups.

And the term has been and is slipping out of any useful context as many people identify as other catagories, if any catagory other than just being themselves as man, woman or both, which is outside the umbrella. It's simply the diversity of human identity and expression.

But the point here is that almost all crossdressers are not transgender. It's just a personal hobby of theirs for whatever purpose or goal they choose and taken to the extreme they want. It's not anything other than that, and the person does not have issues between their sex and gender.

Crossdressing is about pretending and being transgender or whatever label you want is about being. So don't put them in the same content or context.

Stealth

The magazine Transadvocate is doing a series on stealth and passing, and Monica Roberts wrote this essay on the subject for the series. I only have one thing to say to her or anyone who holds the same view and to anyone who thinks every in-transition or post-transition should come out publically.

And that is that it's the right and decision of the woman to decide to come out or not, and it's not the right or demand of anyone else especially those in the transcommunity. Stay out of their life, stay out of their decisions.

Every woman who went through a transition and lives as a woman without coming out has the right to her privacy. She, like all in and post transition woman, faced difficult life choices, faced family, financial and personal hardship, and suffered discrimination.

And the transcommunity rarely helped them during their transition and the transcommunity never helps them after their transition, so post-transition women don't owe the transcommunity anything and the transcommunity doesn't have the right to demand anything of them.

All the transwomen who were outed or came out made and faced choices being public, I won't argue that's a hard choice and decision, but once done it's still only their choice and decision and it doesn't give them any additional power or authority to tell even demand others to do the same.

Sorry transcommunity, you're wrong. If a transwoman wants to transition an live stealth, and even never be out more than immediate family, friends, etc., it's her right. And she has the right to remain silent and not be outed and face being out because people in the transcommunity says she should.

Therapist

Why do gender therapist argue that losing your fitness isn't so bad with a transition? Why do they argue that (trans)women don't have to be fit, especially as fit as they would be if they didn't transition?

It's understandable you lose muscle on hormone replacement therapy (hrt) and you add fat along (meaning the fat cells were there but not significant, they get larger and obvious on hrt). It's understandable your metabolism slows on hrt.

It's not an excuse to want to be as fit as you can if you want, even if it keeps some of the muscles and reduces the fat on hrt. Yet, gender therapist will argue it's not what women do. So sacrificing your fitness is the price of a transition?

Ask a good gender-experienced physician and they'll tell you the opposite, never sacrifice your health and fitness for your transition. Some will even prioritize your transition in this order, your life, your health, your fitness and your transition.

This is because without the first three, your transition won't be as good as it should be and could be. Who wants to finish a transition to find your life in shambles, your health and fitness shot? So exactly what did you plan to do then?

Sorry, it's just a rant against therapist who argue wrong priorities. Yes, transition. But make it one you are better, healthier and fitter than when you started. And then enjoy your life as a woman.

Why

Why are almost all the ones who say passing doesn't matter are the ones who pass almost all, if not all, the time?

Why are almost all the ones who say all transwomen should come out are those who are out, and even though they face discrimination, hate, and even violence, say it's good and healthy for you even if you don't pass?

Why don't they respect the rights and privacy of those who don't want to come out or don't pass, and know their life would be horribly changed if they came out or face overt discrimination if they went public?

No one choose to be born with sex-gender incongruity but they can choose how to live their life and find the best path to their own fulfillment. And it's not the right of anyone to tell them differently.

Point of Fact

To all those bloggers, Tumblrs, media, etal.

A post-transition or legally recognized female is a woman. Period. She is not transgender, transsexual or trans-anything except her past or history. She is just another woman, another female and another human being. Nothing trans and everything female and woman.

A point of fact. So stop describing or labelling them as trans-something. They're not!

At Some Point

The almost always certain rule about transitions:

At some point in a transition the woman stops thinking of herself as transitioning and describing herself as trans-something and simply thinks and feels of herself as a woman. And at that point, she starts her life over and everything before is forgotten.

At that point she erases everything she did to identify as trans-something and just lives her life as a real honest person and woman. It almost always happens, and it's why they disappear in the society as any other ordinary woman.

Only those who are openly out or public about their trans-something history can't erase it and they're stuck with the stupid little adjective the rest of their life, that "transgender" woman. All the rest just get on with the life without it.

And so it should be, but don't leave those who were your friends during your transition behind to wonder why you left them without a word. They were there for you then and they can still be there for you now.

Give Thanks

For all those women transitioning and happy when they get to start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and get the effects and results of HRT, give thanks you can take the drugs, for there are some who want to transition as much, if not more, than you and can't tolerate HRT without serious adverse side effects.

Give thanks you get the changes which are often miraculous over months and especially years, for those who can't take HRT can't get the changes to make their transition better and easier. Give thanks you can and be accepting of those who can't.

Give thanks you can smile as your body changes from male to female as best that HRT can accomplish, for there are those who can't smile because they can't get and won't get the changes to make their transition better and easier.

Give thanks. You can change. Some can't give thanks. Some can't change.

Stop Talking

Can gay men stop talking about transgender issues? Really, I mean really, because they almost always screw it up to say that "transgender people need to learn...", "transgender people need time...", and so on down the shit list of subtle, covert transphobic comments.

I listened to Huffington Post's commentary on the case before the Maine Supreme Court brought by the parents of a transgender student to access the girls bathroom after she was using it but then the school administrators said no but offered her a bad alternative.

The commentary between the two men, assuming one or both were gay (ok, just observing and they were LGB advocate, activists, or journalists), was just full of the same talk straights told LGB people decades ago when they fought for their right, "It's just not the time, be patient."

Yeah, right. The same shit LGB people have been telling transgender people for over a decade now fighting for their rights but not getting support from LGB people but being held to support LGB issues and people.

It's why transpeople created their own groups and organizations to fight for their own rights and forget support from LGB organizations unless they want to help fight for transgender people's rights and protections, which includes bathroom issues.

LGB people don't have the same bathroom issues as transgender people and especially children and teens. Yes, both get bullied but for different reasons, but still being LGB means you don't have to get into the bathroom you want than the one they demand you use.

Anyway, that's my rant against these two men who wasted my time any journalist or activist could say, but from the gay part of the Huffington Post, it's absurb on their part to assume and talk like they know. They don't, so stop talking as if you do.

Get a transgender activist to talk.

Why

If, as the LGB community has been asserting to overturn anti-homosexual laws, that being gay or lesbian is who you are and not who you decide or choose to be, then why don't LGB people understand that being transgender, meaning those whose mind is a gender different than their birth sex, is who they are and not who they decide or choose to be?

What don't they want to recognize that transpeople are the same as gays and lesbians in the innate sense of who they are as a person, just like straight people and cisgender people. They're all just people of different flavors, so why do gays, lesbians and radical feminists hate transpeople for just being themselves?

Yeah, rhetorical question asked too often and never really answered, let alone resolved.

What I Hate

What I hate is the LGB community activists, journalists, bloggers, etal using LGBT acronym but then only mentioning transpeople in passing as part of the larger community, issue, policy, etc. but never addressing the transgender issue in their writing, talks, videos, etc.

This has long been the practice going back decades, even a generation, where it was easy to require their support for LGB issues but then deny support to them for their issues which don't necessarily relate to the larger LGB issues.

This ranges from legal rights, healthcare, employment protections and rights, etc., anything that is pretty much unique to transgender people. The LGB community simply has ignored or excluded them in the discussion but then keep adding the T to the LGBT label.

This is blatant discrimination and what I hate about LGB people when they do this. If you can't be fully inclusive then don't include the name. It's the old adage, use it or lose it, but don't patronize it. It hurts real people and it hurts the gains transpeople need.

Support them or be honest enough to say you don't, but don't lie. That's why you're not liked or trusted.

MWMF II

I wrote some thoughts on the Michigan Women's Music Festival explicitly excluding transwomen, even legally recognized (post-transition) women, except they haven't said how they enforce that policy when "those" women have essentially female brains and a vagina, and that some of "those" women have actually attended the events, one even pre-surgery.

That said, I was struck by the thought the organizers use for the exclusion and about women's life experience being from birth, and obvious with a vagina, like children really think about it. They argue one point which anyone, especially women, would disagree, when Cristian Williams wrote:

At its core, Thompson’s argument — and Vogel’s — is essentially based on gender identity and socialization. It contends that being assigned female at birth is a life experience that differs from that of being assigned male. “The internal struggles and social pressures are different,” says Thompson. “We live in a patriarchy. That is still true. And that has real, cultural effects.”

This assumes women have a universal, maybe even generic, life experience being born female. Are Ms. Thompson and Vogel are arguing the fact of a certain physicality creates the exact same life experience that is a unique cultural experience to these people, meaning women?

That, to me, is the underlying fallacy to her decision and the discrimination - let's call it what it is which is a policy of discrimination they wouldn't tolerate if it applied to them with excluding women from anything because they were born female.

The diversity of women's life experience is as diverse and men's life experience, or really anyone's life experience regardless of the sex or gender. I won't argue boys and girls are treated differently through their childhood and youth, but that doesn't take away each boy and girl has their own take on that and their experience.

I also won't argue puberty is a different experience for boys and girls, both personally and socially, but let's not forget transgender children are equally different for having the identity of a gender different than their sex. They don't have the female reproductive system of girls but they have everything else.

And just having a female reproductive system doesn't make all girls the same or give all girls the same life experience. We know this in part because some girls grow up hating being female and some of those transition to become legally male.

These transmen deny their own female body and life experience. And we know that many women simply take being female as something to live with and engage in a life they want regardless and even in spite of being female. Being female is just something they life with and don't have the life experience Ms. Thompson and Vogel suggests.

But what also bothers me about their argument based on female anatomy is that they're applying the same logic the feminist movement used to gain freedom for women which they're applying it to discriminate against the freedom of women.

They can't have it both ways, or else men could equally use their own logic against them to exclude women from what the feminist movement gained which is equal rights regardless of one's sex or gender.

The MWMF seems to have forgotten their own history and using it to do what has been done to them.

Why

Why is it that if you are transgender, especially in transition or more so post-transition, and you don't want to be recognized with the whole diversity of "transgender" people, meaning crossdressers, transvestities, drag queens/kings, etc. you're considered against transgender people, even transphobic?

It's a what the f..k thought on their part. There no reason everyone has to accept the whole of any group. It doesn't mean you dislike or even hate them, it's just you don't have the interest in their world and they're not a part of your life.

I ask the question from a column where a transwoman wrote about the responses she got from transpeople who disagreed about thinking transvestites and drag queens were transgender and should be accepted by all transpeople because they're part of the diversity.

Well, sorry, it's her opinion, just that and nothing more, and not worth more than anyone who disagrees with her and doesn't want to be associated with other groups under the transgender umbrella. And I can see why some disagree with her.

If you are a woman who is transitioning and especially has transitioned and just want to be invisible in the world of women, why would you want people to see you, or worse label you, transgender like transvestites and drag queens.

This woman's column was prompted by Gwyneth Paltrow's comment she sometimes overuses makeup where she looks like RuPaul and other drag queens. Yeah, RuPaul should know what that means and no doubt she said it in passing without malice toward anyone.

We all know, or common sense suggests, with drag queens and most transvestites, it's all about glamour and makeup. And we all know those people often complain and always criticize real transwomen for their lack of makeup and common everyday styles.

They're two entirely different groups of people with no overlap except the things common with women as a whole, clothes and makeup. Transvestites, drag queens, etal, don't transition and don't go through the mandatory medical proceedures to transition.

So why should people have to accept them as transgender? Especially since some of them don't see themselves as transgender. It's a personal choice and opinion, and certainly not mandated by the very people who think they should accept them.

The Damage Done

I read a column by a young transwomen who stated in her piece she dresses and acts like she wants to live her life but it's not as a "good" transwomen, meaning representative of women. She lives openly as a transwomen but is in the area between normally passing and not passing.

This means, as she stated, "survives" her transition as a (trans)women, the trans part being just the label other people attach to her because she wasn't born female and lives as a women. I don't know her and the photos of her suggest she gets through life and her transition, albeit probably with some issues and problems.

But that's not my point. My point is the idea of these women who openly, and in many cases as this women seems to say, live loudly as a transwomen. What does she and her openness do to other transwomen who are transitioning and don't want to be seen like her?

Does this women create an enviroment and set an example for other transwomen which openly invites problems for other transwomen? Where does personal presentation and expression overlap the presentation and expression of others who don't want the label?

The range of transwomen is diverse, as diverse as women, so there really isn't any consistent label which fits all of them, but there are so few open transwomen women that the diversity gets shrunk into fewer labels where many of the transwomen don't fit let alone want.

So do the actions of a few out, loud and proud transwomen who aren't necessarily normally let alone easily passable, damage the rest of transwomen who don't want to be seen as them?

If many people only see the extreme examples of transwomen, which is a small percentage of them, does it hurt the rest  as how the public thinks should see them?

Many of these transwomen also like to write about their life and personal experiences as a transwomen, like this woman, which increases the perspective others see for transwomen. But once written, is the damage done to others?

Or do these women really think their words are simply unintended consequences they don't have to accept responsibility if applied to others?

The transcommunity is something I have seen be more about individuals than others. There are a few good organizations and people, but there are far more individuals who are out for self-promotion and self-identity, and these women are often mistaken for the whole of transwomen.

So where does that leave a transwomen except to simply get through their transition and get on with their life as women? The answer is that this is what the vast majority do and don't touch the transcommunity let alone get involved.

And why the transcommunity more often than not doesn't represent those transwomen, they don't want the representation if it's like many in the transcommunity. They don't want the damage done to them by others.

What escapes me

What I don't understand about women who transition is that not all of them want Sex Reassignment Surgery (vaginoplasty) to have a vagina. They like and want to keep there penis. Why?

This is what escapes me, to live in between where your presentation and sense of being is as a woman but your body is still basically male. I know the younger generation have accepted this idea about transwomen, and two states have now legalized the change of birth certificates without SRS.

And while I can understand this is important to the many who want to complete their transition even with SRS but can't afford it or can't have it for medical reasons. But to consciously decide they don't need SRS and keep their penis?

What the changes in the law is allowing is women who live between male and female where anyone living and presenting as a woman, perhaps under some level of transition can skip SRS and still be legally recognized as female.

It's a hmmm..., to me, and raises the question, exactly what defines a legal female and a woman? The old standard of a vagina, or really no penis and testicles, seems a thing of the past, or at least in two states now (CA and IL).

But what also seems to me is what happens if these women are discovered, and as often happens, arrested if not beaten, raped and even killed, all because of their gentalia. And few outside the transcommunity cares, even to call them women.

I won't argue they have rights to be women and do everything every woman does, but isn't this exactly the opposite of what the transcommunity has been fighting all these years, the right to be women because they have the same physical body, ie, a vagina.

In the end this is where one of the distinctions exist within the transcommunity, those who view a transition as something through SRS because it's what women want, and those who view it as a choice.  The quetion is if the two are compatible in the greater society.

This is because the former can be and often are seen as the latter, often describing those who did transition through SRS as all the other transgender women who didn't want to transition or complete their transition, just want to live as women and kept their male genitalia.

As one blogger asked, "Isn't being trans about your gentalia and changing it to match your mind?"

They went on to say, "It’s true, if you LOVE your genitals, the likelihood is, you’re not transsexual. ", which is my point and what escapes me, and makes me ask, "If you want to live as a woman with male genitals, then what makes you a woman other than your looks and clothes?"

And isn't this exactly what womens' organization, especially radical feminists groups, cite as the reason to exclude transwomen from any distinction as women and especially any legal recognition as women? Isn't that what they argue, women with male parts aren't women?

And there are those who argue this perpetuates the binary gender roles. Ok, to a point but we do need a way to accommodate those who want to pass through between genders as well as those who want to live in between gender roles.

The problem is that the law doesn't accommodate those in between, you're either one or the other. And society reinforces the binary roles. So what's the answer to those in between? Force them into one side or create the space for them?

This is where I don't have answers and why it escapes me. Personal choice versus everyone else.

Was It Legal

If you know about veterans who are transgender and have fought for the rights of active, inactive and retired service members who are transgender then you likely know Autumn Sandeen, a retired Navy seaman (was a man during her service).

She has recently reported that she finally got the DOD to change the gender marker on her service record after over a year long fight with them for this change. Autumn has reported she has changed her birth certificate to reflect she is female after her "surgery."

Well, the problem is that her surgery, legal under California law now as irreversible sex change surgery, was only an orchiectomy, meaning just the removal of the testicles and not a vaginoplasty, does not comply with DOD regulations for the change of gender.

The DOD requires sex reassignment surgery (SRS) which is a vaginoplasty and what 46 states require to change the marker on birth certificates. Ohio and Tennessee don't allow changes on the birth certificates even after SRS and California and Illnois are the only states which uses the term "irreversible sex surgery" to allow changes.

This language is and will create more headaches for the state of California than they imagine when they made the change. Some transwomen have had lesser surgeries, not genital related, and had surgeon(s) call it gender surgery to get the birth certificate.

This creates what the laws were passed and are administered had not planned but opens the door to the issue of what defines being female under the law, namely, can a woman have a penis and still be legally defined as female?

But back to the issue at hand which is similar and the obvious question. Does this mean Autumn Sandeen deserve to have her gender marker changed when she hasn't completly complied with the DOD regulations defining the surgery for qualification?

The federal government agencies have different rules for gender markers. The State Department will issue a passport with the change if you submit affidavits from surgeons and physicians confirming completion irreversible and permanent sex change therapy.

They will also issue a one-year temporary passport for those in transiton if your surgery is within a year so you can travel without the gender conflict on documents. The Social Security Office requires the birth certificate to be changed first before their records.

The VA will change the marker to align with the patients on presentation of affidavits from medical professionals. But the DOD has, and with many tranwomen continues, to refuse to change the marker, until Autumn Sandeen got hers changed, but was it by hook or by crook?

Would the DOD reverse their ruling to change her record if they knew she didn't comply with the regulations for her surgery? I personally don't care because a former service record is really irrelevant in the normal lives of transwomen, it's more symbolic and not what the VA uses except to confirm service.

Is getting the DOD to change their policy on gender markers ok if the means used weren't exactly legal? Does it matter the person fighting for the change was more interested in their own issues than those of transwomen, wanted the attention to herself than anything using the transcommunity to get it?

When does the community recognize self-serving "leaders" of the transcommunity aren't for the community but for themselves and gains for the community are secondary. Their goals are self-promotion. So why does the transcommunity continue to support these people?

Do not mistake

Don't mistake passing when people are simply polite and even nice. It doesn't mean you pass, it only means people are being kind and don't want to offend you. You pass when they're not polite and don't make comments about you that insinuate you don't pass.

It's easy to fool yourself if you don't hear criticism, comments or worse jokes. Don't mistake silence for acceptance. Don't mistake the absence of harsh words for the presence of the good words. Don't mistake your desire to pass for the reality of it.

Being Convinced

When you know you want to transition, it's not your heart which needs convincing for it already knows how you feel. It's not your mind which needs convincing for it already knows how you think. It's not your body which needs convincing for it already knows who you are.

It's your eyes which needs convincing for they need to see you as you are standing in front of the mirror where the truth and reality is always looking back at you. When you see yourself with your eyes, the rest of you has been waiting, you'll know you're there and the rest is just the process to make it right.

MWMF

The owner and policy maker of the Michigan Women's Music Festival (MWMF) has issued a affirmation of the policy that the festival is off-limits to transwomen, specifically referring to those women who are born male but are women. Ok, discrimination at its worst but I'm curious.

How exactly does the organizers decide which women to exclude if a former transwomen, meaning a woman who has fully transitioned physically, yes that surgery, and legally? Do they do DNA tests on each women to establish their chromosomes?

We know that some transwomen and former transwomen (transitioned) have attended the festival so the policy is bogus at best since some of the organizers have admited these women. So what exactly do the women at the festival have against women who haven't fully transitioned?

[Note.-- One transwoman actually wrote about it a column, but has since left the place she wrote columns. She wrote she spoke out at the festival about this discrimination but then said it was a private conversation with one organizer who was a friend.]

Do they think they're men in disguise? Like say butch dykes or transmen who are allowed to attend because they are XX and have a vagina, even though some recognize as men and not women? How many transmen attend because they still have a friendship with women?

And what about women born women who don't necessarily look female or act feminine, do they get scrutinized for their sex and gender? And who is the police for this, or do they really care and admit women in regardless if they have the proper documentation?

The whole thing on the part of the owner and organizers is a sham and a shame on women. I agree with Andrea Gibson and the Indigo Girls for boycotting it year and next year, respectively. I agree more performers, artist and prominent people should speak up and boycott the event.

The law allows the owner and organizers of the MWMF to discriminate, the same way the Boy Scouts ban gays except they've had gay in the organization for decades as transwomen and former transwomen have attended the MWMF.

It's funny that women who scream the loudest at discrimination by men decide to discriminate against other women, but no matter how they try to describe and explain this policy and practice, it's exactly what they would scream against if it was focused on them.

Women have cried foul on men-only clubs, organizations, and events, such as the Augusta National Golf Club recently, and even filed lawsuits against privately own ones for outright and obvious discrimination, but then say it's ok for them to discriminate and call it fair?

It's time for the MWMF to change. What do these women who are the festival and those who attend it fear from other women, a fear solely based on birth sex? What don't they know about the Civil Rights Act that they have used so often when it's discrimination against them and now it's they who discriminate?

The Sad Reality

The sad reality for some women who transition is that even with facial surgery, and maybe, but not necessary, breast augmentation or liposuction surgeries, they will never really pass beyond getting through life with some occasional stares or soem questions or comments.

The sad reality is that they know who they are as a woman, but the mirror tells them something else, the body they were born with and have just doesn't get them very far as a woman. What's worse is they read the blogs and columns of women who do pass who tell them, "Hang in there.", among the rest of the hype to make them feel better.

But really all that does is make them feel worse, as there is nothing worse than someone who has succeeded in passing telling someone who doesn't it's ok. It only makes the other woman feel superior and better. No one needs it or wants it.

And it's the sad reality all the way around, to transition and never really arrive at your goal, to just be invisible as an ordinary woman when you see other women not only finish but succeed and even be beautiful.

Transition Suggestions

Here are my suggestions if you are starting your transition or even some ways into it but still have some changes to go. These assume you have access to good professional transgender resources found in most cities, but if not then find the nearest city with them.

First, forget the transgender/transsexual community. Don't attend in group meetings and only have a few trans friends you've knownand trust for years. All the rest will either lie to you or hate you for being either passable or successful with your transition.

Second, find a good trans experienced physician and a good trans experienced therapist who have overseen a lot of transitions and focus on the issues of your transition. Walk away from gatekeepers and any professional who judges you before they say they'll help you.

Their goal is to help you get through your transition and on with your life, nothing more. Everything else is just talk you don't need. Both should be knowledgeable with other professionals who are trans friendly to help with what they can't.

Remember with your transition your priorities should be, first, your life; second, your health; third your fitness; and last your transition. It doesn't pay to transition if you wreck the first three. Remember you need a job, some money and necessary resources for and after your transition.

Without them your transition will leave you what you want but not what you need. Fit your transition into the first three and you'll be surprised how easy it can go, or not and you can adjust or adapt your transition, maybe longer but still succeed with your life, health and fitness.

Third, never tell you health insurance company you're transgender or have GID. Have the physician and therapist avoid any trans diagnosis or treatment with any claim. Just treat you like a normal person and you'll be surprised the insurance company won't question the expenses.

Read your health insurance coverage benefits and exclusions. You'll be surprised that they'll cover therapy of a general nature, maybe at higher co-pay but still covered, for non-specific conditions without requiring a diagnosis.

That said, only use GID if you know you have the coverage for transgender care, often called "sex transformation", for therapy, drugs, care, surgeries, etc., but first be very sure. Don't risk letting them know unless they have it written in the policy.

Fourth, find a trans experienced electrologist or laser specialist, preferably the former if you want permanent facial (and other) hair removal but some have success with the latter. They tend to be more understanding.

Fifth, find a trans friendly clothing expert or wardrobe advisor. Don't use any transwomen as examples or go to "transgender" friendly clothing stores, they're too expensive. You'll find many clothing stores, even the upscale and larger ones, understand transwomen.

Sixth, follow women's fashion for your age and style. Don't use transwomen and especially crossdressers as examples for anything fashion. Don't let anyone tell you to buy a lot of clothes to try different things if you don't have the money or the interest, unless you plan to give a lot of clothes away later.

Remember a few good styles and clothes go a long way. Find a style you're comfortable with being you and then explore styles and clothes when you want if you have the extra money. Clothes collecting dust or sitting in the closet only hurts your pocket book.

Seventh, your therapist should know the process for name change, sex/gender marker changes, etc. and legal experts to help you through the process. Don't let them require you pass some sort of test or play dressup for their approval and letters.

Remember you're a woman, not a stereotype, be yourself with your own style. Any good therapist and physician understands diversity to write the letter you need for legalities or surgeries. It's not about how you present yourself, it's about who you are.

Lastly, stay away from the transcommunity at all cost. You'll be living in the world of women, not transwomen. Be a woman like all the rest of them. Just my thoughts and experience. Good luck.

To Cisgender Women

Cisgender people have many things in common with transgender, in fact 99.9% percent of things in common. Cisgender people may or may not like their body, their looks, their emotional or mental state at times, their voice, even their mind, or even more things about about themselves.

That's human nature as every person has feelings about themselves, both good and bad, even to the point the want to or do have surgery to correct what they hate. but cisgender people always walk out their front door with one sense they can't deny.

Cisgender people never question their gender, never question who they are a inside their body, never question their mind knowing it's the right gender for them and their body. And they know no one will question them about it either.

The only differnce, that very small percentage, is one genetic thing, a physical defect of being born with the wrong genitals. That's all, nothing else and nothing more. Just something remedied with surgery and then they're just another woman like all women.

Remember all women are different and not all women can concieve, become or be pregnant, or give birth. It doesn't detract or subtract from them being women. Everything else is there. And intersex women are the same.

And transwomen are the same, the same as cisgender people. Is that so hard to understand? We're all just human beings trying to find ourself, trying to be comfortable with our body, and trying to survive as best we can.

What I dislke

What I dislike are reading stories of transitioning women to read about how far along are they on their Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), to report how much they're taking and how much it has changed them physically. I don't dislike these women.

What I dislike is that they often become almost to always passable to be privileged to live in the world as women because of the changes HRT has made and will make with them and that they don't seem to realize there are some transitioning woman who can't take HRT.

These women don't get the advantages of HRT, don't get the changes which helps them, and don't get past being themselves physically in the world looking male in a female world. It hurts, more than anyone can imagine if you're not one of these women.

These women can't take HRT because of the adverse effects far outweigh the advantages where they get more of the adverse effects with minimal dosages and little if any of the good effects. These range from excerbating physical conditions, like IBS, bleeding digestive system, crashing the metabolism and depression.

It doesn't matter if it's Spironolactone or Estradiol, both have adverse effects they can't tolerate. And that's what I dislike when other transition women express themselves openly and freely about how much HRT has helped and changed them.

I don't dislike the women who can take HRT, I'm happy for them. I only wish they'd think a little more of those who can't have their experience and understand. Sadly some don't, even being dismissive and critical of non-passing transitioning women. And that's what I dislike about them.

Interesting

It's interesting that last fall the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS), the federal agency overseeing the Affordable Care Act (ACA), sent a letter to health insurance companies stating that they can't discriminate against transgender people, but it has caveats.

One caveat is that the letter which covered transgender under the ACA only stated the companies can't deny them coverage or reject claims for their healthcare with one exception, which is that the insurance companies aren't mandated to cover transition care, essentially therapy, drugs, and most importantly surgeries.

In other words, you have to take them as customers and cover the healthcare as you would anyone but you can discriminate against them for their transition care. This is the same as the Federal Employees Health Benefit (FEHB) program where companies can't deny employees or retirees who are transgender but they can deny them their transition care.

This is expressly stated in all the health insurance plans in the FEHB which does not cover "sex transformation" care and can recoup any care they did cover if they discover it was related to the patient's care for their transition outside of the normal healthcare for everyone else.

So, in the end, it really doesn't matter if you're transgender under the ACA or FEHB, the latter explicitly exempt from the ACA because it's the federal government, you still have to pay out of pocket unless you're fortunate to have an employer, attend a university or live in a state which does cover transition care under supervision.

Gee, not such a warm and fuzzy feeling. The insurance companies can't discriminate on one hand accepting you as a customer but then can discriminate on the other because you're a patient. So much for the ACA being useful.

And forget being under the FEHB because the White House sent a letter to the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) which oversees the FEHB program three years ago to remove the exclusive exemption from FEHB plans but have yet to do so.

So for transgender people, it's still the same, don't tell them you're transgender and get out your checkbook for your treatment and surgeries. Nothing's changed.

Is Nothing Worse

Is there anything more depressing to be in the middle stages of your transition where you don't often pass to meet a woman who finished her transition just a few years ago to discover she doesn't want anything to do with you let alone talk to you because she's only wants real girlfriends?

Why

If a woman can be a dyke and even become a transman, what's the problem with a man being a transdyke? Why do all male-to-female transpeople have to be "normally overtly" feminine to transition? Why can a man just be the female version of himself as a woman?

Why do the therapists say that's unacceptable? If a man just wants to be the female version of himself, meaning with breast and a vagina but still the same person, even the same or women's version of his clothes, why is it so wrong?

Just a thought about the few who actually do transition through like this. Kinda' disrupts the gender theory and model don't they? And kinda' cool too, because it's about being comfortable with yourself and your life without having to conform to some arbitrary standard of being trans.

They're saying, "Fuck you."

WTF

Really WTF applies to this question, why. When a transman, meaning a female born person who transitions to be relatively physically male having double radical mastectomy with other surgeries optional but legally male, the world, especially men, raise a toast to him.

The man can stand up and say he identifies as transgender, which would be obvious if he didn't have bottom surgery, and the media and everyone cheers him to be proud of who he is and identifies. Well, almost everyone, some in the lesbian community often have issues with transmen, but they rarely voice their views publically.

But when a transwoman, meaning male to female born person transition with the surgeries, the sex reassignment surgery and sometimes with facial cosmetic and breast augmentation surgeries, is outed, forced out, or chooses to come out, and decides to identify as transgender, something which escapes me why they do post-transition, then the media and people can't condemn and demean her enough.

There will be a few media sources and many in the LGBT community who praise her, but most don't and many do worse, including using offensive words and language. You can bet she is rarely treated nicely by any current or  propective employer. And equally rarely do family members stay with them let alone by their side.

In short, transmen quickly assume and get male privilege but transwomen get shoved to the bottom of the social ladder, and all of them are lumped into lowest single catagory of human beings. This is old stuff I know but I get tired of reading editorials by out and proud transmen who earn praise while out and proud transwomen have to fight for it and rarely only get it if they pass as women and more so are model pretty.

Yeah, the transcommunity is getting full of model-pretty transwomen as spokeswomen who talk about being out and proud and demand not just other but all transwomen do likewise forgetting those women have lives, families and careers which they would risk losing if they came out.

That seems to be lost on the out and proud group, men or women, and it's the reason the vast majority of transwomen don't come out, don't identify as transgender and don't support the transcommunity outside of any private way they can.

Why the sudden rant on this I've written about before? Yeah, a column by an out and proud gay transman (seems many transmen change their sexual orientation from lesbian, butch women to gay transmen as some transwomen change from straight pretransition men to straight post-transition women) shouted how proud is he and that all transpeople should come out.

Then a news story about GLAAD's new mission transgender inclusive statement. Gee, that was quick of them after recognizing transmen and women for years but if you notice they only recognize accomplished or pretty transwomen? Sexism at its finest in the LGBT community?

Why are almost all the young out and proud transwomen model pretty? Like they represent the vast number of in and post-transition women? Like ordinary isn't good enough for the spotlight or cameras, to be on stage or sitting across from news anchors?

And they all wonder why the vast majority of transwomen and especially post-transition women are quietly living their lives and don't care about transcommunity outside of their own world. Gee, what a concept, ordinary life watching the model-pretty transwomen tell their story and express their view when it rarely approaches those of most transwomen.

What these women have done is set a standard the vast majority of transwomen can't achieve, even if they had all the opportunity and money, it's not who they are and what they can be, let alone what they want to be seen and identified as, transgender.

When you're model pretty no one questions your womanhood. When you're not model pretty, everyone questions your womanhood. But no one question a transman's manhood. Cis-sexism is alive and well in and out of the transcommunity. And yes, it's a WTF question of why.

Something to Hide

The difference between a post-transition woman and an in-transition is that one has something to hide and the other has something to hide. One is what is expected and one isn't what is expected, but both don't want to share it except with their closest friends. It's a small difference and a big difference, but it's what makes the difference.

Tumblr Observation

I look at probably 400-500 Tumblr accounts, checking a few several times a week and the bulk of them sometime during the month. They run the gamut of people and their posts and reblogs, and yes, I have a Tumblr page if you're interested, or not.

A few dozen of those are transpeople and one thing is consistent with them, and that's there's are turnover of them, new ones but mostly discontinued ones, which if you watch them for awhile, the reasons are simple.

Their transition is over and they're legally female. They have nothing more to say about being trans.

They got a job and don't want their employer finding their Tumblr page about them and their tastes.

They got bullied into leaving by too many anonymous people asking offensive questions.

They simply got tired of talking about their life and expressing their views on trans issues.

Or they realized revealing themselves so much on a social media Website is really stupid.

And they disappear from Tumblr. I not only can't blame them, I agree with them and don't recommend any transperson posting so much, often with photos, about their life. Sharing is one thing, sharing with the whole world is another.

I subscribe to the view that any transperson should simply say when asked about their transition, "It's personal and private, and not open for public discussion." If you want to talk about trans issues, fine, be vocal, even outspoken.

Talk about anything else but not your life unless you want to become public transperons and a target, because I guarrantee there will be a time you wished you hadn't and you can't hide it or take it back, it's been reblogged.

Just my observation on Tumblr.

Privilege

Occasionally I find and read an entry on a blog by a in-transition woman, sometimes a post-transition one which escapes me why a post-transition woman talks about anything trans or related to transpeople, about passing privilege.

And it's clear these women are almost if not completely female in appearance and voice if they have a YouTube channel. What bothers me is that they refute they have "passing privilege" and talk about how hard they've worked to be who they are to get through public life as women.

I don't doubt that and I think it's cool they are within the normal range of women for their body, face and voice. I do think, however, they're misguided to say it's not a privilege when there are so many transwomen who barely pass some of the time, if at all.

They say to passing is self-confidence, which I can't disagree, but there are limits when you're not immediately seen as a woman no matter how hard you try, even more than those above who do work hard and pass with relative ease.

And that's my point, it's not about how hard you work, it's about where you start. Being gifted to be more naturally passable as a woman goes far more and longer than if you don't pass. You can improve if you pass but you can't improve if you don't.

That's because the body, face and voice just isn't there to be passable, sometimes even with surgery. They can't win acceptance without being themselves and hope people are nice and kind or at least don't point them out or worse.

What the blogger I read doesn't realize, the privilege is about being invisible versus visible, or worse being obvious not a woman no matter how hard you try. Privilege is about being invisible even when you don't try because you can.

Maybe this blogger and others should try being visible or more so obvious not passing and see how it feels. Then talk about privilege.

Your Worst

What transwomen want is when they can dress in their worst clothes on their worst days and when they go somewhere, no one wonders, let alone asks, if they're a man or a woman. They're just another woman having a bad day.

Clothes

Transpeople just want to be accepted and comfortable in the clothes they want to wear, not what society says is acceptable for a given gender. Just comfortable with themselves as themselves expressed in their clothes.

Only other people have a problem with it they don't see let alone understand, and never consider letting people just be people. Transpeople don't impose their standards of clothes on others, so why do others impose their standards on transpeople?

After all, it's just clothes.

Why

Why is it that cisgender women bitch that they don't understand transwomen and even verbally criticize, discriminate, and even abuse, them, but when you ask them one question, "If you woke up tomorrow with male gentalia, how would you feel and what would you do?", they understand?

Why don't they understand before they have to be asked the simple question?

Sick & Tired

I'm getting really, f..king sick and tired of the gay community, meaning gay men, talking about LGBT rights and protections, talking about community, talking about coming out, etc., and then solely focusing on being gay, not lesbian, let alone bisexual and totally forgetting transgender people.

The gay community wonders why people don't like them but still support the rights and protections of LGBT people, this is why, they're total a..holes at times to literally forget the rest of the LGBT community but then use the LGBT label.

I'd call it something else but people might get the wrong impression. I'm as straight as they come, one of those who support LGBT people, but only as a whole community and more importantly transpeople, because I know them and count them as friends.

Why the rant? I just got through listening to a news story about a politician who changed his view on gay marriage when his son came out gay. The journalist/anchor focused the entire story on "gays" meaning men, and never mentioning women or transpeople.

Really. And we're supposed to be impressed with his change of heart?

Just Remember

Remember that not all transwomen who transition are on hormone replacement therapy, often considered the ticket to feminizing their bodies. Some people have problems with Spironolactone and estradiol which has adverse physical and mental side effects.

Spironolactone has a host of side effects as it's used for a variety of medical conditions beside transitioning transwomen, mostly causing increased urination with dehydration problems and decreased energy and muscle weakness.

Estradiol is also used for a variety of medical condition but mostly has the obvious effects of feminizing the body for transitioning transwomen. But it can cause or worsen depression, reduced energy and excerbate digestive conditions, such as bleeding intestines.

So, my point? Just remember that when they don't appear to what you would expect with their transition. Remember they hate it more than anyone as their body rebels against their mind, and their mind rebels against itself. And there is nothing they can do outside of surgery.

It's their reality.

Sorry No

I don't often disagree with the many LGBT organizations, and especially the transgender organizations. They do good work on legal rights and protections for transitioning people, but they often take it to the extreme forgetting the overall context of transgender people in society and this country.

A case in point is Michelle Kosilek who brutally murdered his wife and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility for parole. I won't argue the State of Massachusetts Department of Corrections (DOC) has mishandled his care when he decided to transition in prision.

They denied him the care to transition with respect to therapy, hormone drugs, and now surgery, which is where he's at now in his transition. I don't use the male pronoun to refer to a male-to-female transpeople but I will in this case because he's in a male prison still legally recognized as male.

The courts have ordered the DOC provide him with Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) to complete his transition and become physically and legally female. I don't have a problem with that so long as he pays the bill. An identical case in California has denied the right of an inmate to SRS paid by the State of Califonia.

The Kosilek case is no different. It's not surgery necessary to save the life of the inmate, or it is necessary surgery to ensure the inmate health in prison. And that's my argument against the organizations filing friend of the court briefs in support of Michelle Kosilek.

If they want to help people get SRS, then advocate for the health insurance companies to remove the exclusion for "sex transformation" treatment from their coverage and plans. Advocate for the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) to demand health insurance companies to likewise for federal employees and retirees.

If they want to help people get SRS, the advocate for companies to include this coverage in their employee plans. Advocate for young people in college to get the surgery through their respective college or university student health plans.

Advocate for all the free people who are at the same point in their transition who want and need the surgery who can go on and have productive lives as free people and not have the burden of living in between legal sexes while saving for the surgery.

But don't advocate for someone serving a life sentence who demands the taxpayers pay for it until you advocate for the rest of the people needing and deserving it. While all those people can't get help from all these same organizations, they're fighting for this one inmate but not fighting for the same thing for a California inmate?

Why is that? Michelle Kosilek will never leave prison. After surgery she will be reassigned to a women's prison. Does she expect to be better treated there? Really? Michelle will still be serving a life sentence, so exactly why would she need the surgery for that?

And what about all the free people needing and wanting the surgery? They don't count? They're less, even not, important than this one inmate? These organizations need to rethink their priorities. Michelle getting surgery won't help anyone else as the case won't translate to other people.

These organizations will waste their resources for what? One person who is serving a life sentence? Sorry, no. Michelle Kosilek killed his wife. He doesn't deserve more than just serving his sentence.

Being Normal

All a (trans)woman wants to feel and be is normal. Normal as is complete and whole as the person they've always known they are. Something everyone wants to feel and be normal with themselves. Why is it so hard for others to understand and more so accept? Don't we all want to be normal, if only by our own definition?

WTF

Why do people who interview transwomen, sometimes even knowing they have had "the surgery", meaning sex reassignment surgery, apologize that people always ask about the surgery knowing it's personal, but then ask the damn question anyway?

It escapes me they talk about how it's personal and not really something to talk about let alone ask if the person has had the surgery, but then they ask it anyway like it's the story, and often the highlight of the story, forgetting the whole person.

It's really a WTF moment to hear it, and more so when the transwomen actually answers it, like it's supposed to change anything. Really, why do they answer it or just say, "It's personal and private and not open for public discussion."?

No one asks men or women about any genital surgery they've had, so why ask a transwoman? It's insulting and an invasion of their life and privacy, and should be left out of any interview. Once a woman transitions, it's all behind her, so why ask about it as if it's current?

It's not. It's not who they are. It's not how they're defined. It's not what makes them a person or human being. It's just what they had to complete their transition to be a woman. That's all. Accept it and accept it's not worth the questions.

I'd like to have one of them reply to the interviewer, "So, what you're genitalia like?" Ok, dumb rant done after watching an interview, but at least they did focus on the woman's work after the stupid question about the surgery.

Really

What I dislike are people who have Websites on Tumblr, Blogger, Wordpress, Live Journal, Twitter, Facebook, etc. and describe it as a LGBT Website and then forget the "T" to be exclusively about lesbian or gay people with some straight people.

What's worse are gays boys and men who talk about or portray drag queens, female impersonators, shemales, crossdressers, etal. as transgender people, and all about glam, tits and ass, makeup and every exageration of women and always about their dicks.

Then they wonder why real transgender and post-transition people hate them, "Like duh!"