Not All

There are no standards for transitioning women to live by anymore. There used to be with the one year real-life experience, often deemed a test, for approval for Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) where you were judged if you passed successfully as a woman.

As a therapist would tell you, the experience is to get used to presenting and living as a woman. In truth it was then and still is bullshit as anyone knows because while many pass most if not all the time, all transitioning women face the reality of being clocked or outed, creating more harm than good.

I've always argued that if you have been diagnosed with Gender Identity Condition and you accept the process with the understanding you make your choices and accept responsibilities for those choices, then you should have the right to the SRS and get your documents changed so you can get on with your life.

The truth is that even if you don't pass, that won't change after one year, and if you pass, then you don't need the one year. The one year test was a compromise years ago with the APA over those who argued no time is necessary and some who wanted 2-3 years.

It was those therapists who then used it to set standards of what was acceptable with the woman's presentation, meaning everything feminine and nothing masculine, and why many transitioning woman threw out their entire old wardrobe for their new one.

While some cherished this as a milestone, it was expensive for many and it was really stupid for some as they often threw away their favorite or best clothes for ones to get through the test and get the letters for surgery.

The point is that there are no standards anymore as some transitioning women don't throw out some of their old clothes and continue to wear them as women's styles now allow it. They aren't into makeup outside that which is necessary for the occasion.

They don't live to go shopping and for clothes and all the "normal" stuff they're expect to do as women. They live as who they are, and wear whatever they like, and do whatever they want. Some in and post transition don't fit the model or stereotype because it's not them.

The reality is that some don't like women's clothes because they often don't fit, it's tedious to find and then remember all the sizes which fits for each makers of clothes you like or want to try, and they often like colors found with men's clothes not availble in women's clothes.

In short some women keep and still buy men's clothes because they fit, they like the style, they prefer the colors and they're comfortable. They still wear women's clothes because they like them too but for some types, the men's are their preferred.

And the funny thing is they're still seen as women. And that's what some therapists have realized and accept with those women they're in therapy for their transition. Just be yourself and the letters will still get written and you'll still get the surgery.

That's because the diversity of women is far greater today where the diversity of transwomen now fits completely inside it. If only the APA can realize that to write standards which fits the new diversity than their narrow-minded ideal.

Not all transwomen fit their ideal but they're still women.

Others

I was reading a thread on a forum where some in the transgender community were openly criticizing celebrities for their public words, decisions, actions or behavior, and the transgender community was criticizing each other for their expressed opinions.

This thread is one of those arguments that remind me of people in a cafe all chatting with each other through their computers and each of them angrily pounding their keyboards mad about what everyone else was saying.

You can't win because people want to put the entire weight of the transcommunity on anyone they think deserves it, but we have to remember all of us have the right to our opinion and the right to express it whether anyone else like it or not, so no matter what anyone thinks, they need to go outside for a moment, take a few deep breaths and remember there's a whole big world outside whatever opinion they had, and in reality the rest of the world doesn't give on care about what people in the transcommunity says about each other.

It's why many (trans)people don't get involved or identify with the transcommunity, but go through their transition and get on with their life, which pretty much leaves only those in the cafe angrily pounding their keyboards. My point being is to let folks speak, argue the issues and never attack a person, otherwise, we're only beating each other up for nothing.

FWIW

For what it's worth, a post-transition, legally recongized female woman is not a transgender woman. She can be considered to have been a transgender woman, past tense, but once she is post-op and legally female, the word (adjective) transgender can not and should not be used to describe her as a woman. She is just female and a woman.

Now if only the media would learn to get their facts right, but then just calling her just a woman doesn't sell stories. And to me, any post-transition woman who still calls herself a transgender woman needs to rethink why she transitioned, unless of course it's not about that but being noticed.

It's one thing to call yourself a transgender woman because it helps other similar women or the transgender community, but does it really, selling a sexual stereotype isn't what other transitioning women need or want to be accepted and live their life as women, to always be thought of and compared to media stereotypes.

Or do all the stereotype "transgender" women simply want the attention? Maybe it's why so many women transition and live after their transition out of the media and stealth. Who wants to always be called a transgender woman? Who want to always reminded of their past? Who wants to always be asked why they're not like those in the media?

If you have to think about it, then you don't understand.

Christmas Wish

The only thing I want for Christmas is the body I've always wanted, knowing and feeling who I know I am. Maybe one of these years I'll get there. For now the worse feeling in the world is knowing what's inside isn't what people see on the outside, and there's little you can do about it, for now anyway. But there's more Christmas' to come, and patience is your best friend and worst enemy.

They are back

I've put all my post back on-line. There isn't anything there I'm ashamed of or disagree with even now, so they're all there to show what I've thought over the last few years, nothing really new or news, let alone newsworthy, just thinking out loud and my opinion.

I'll leave the rest to the reader. Enjoy or not, but at least smile a little. It doesn't hurt.

Yeah

Well, I didn't stay silent for very long. It's not my nature when I see obvious contradictions. So, I guess I'll undo some of the past post and write some more about what I see and think. But no, it hasn't changed my personal plans about my life.

Those plans are fluid for now as I sort out the finances to finish what I started and hope to finish sometime in the next 2-3 years. All I have left are the surgeries, and sadly, none are covered by health insurance despite the best medical advise and political pressure to do so.

Such is life as anyone who goes through it knows all too well. As Rusty Wallace said at the beginning of a race, "Stay tuned Hotrod, we're just getting started." Well, I'm well down the road and waiting for now. Patience is a virtue except when you want it done.

Update and Changes

This will likely be my last post for awhile as I've decided I don't want to argue with the people in the transcommunity anymore and just want to get on with my life and changes I had planned and worked for but have struggled with the associated medical problems and financial issues.

It's also because I have a new plan to get through the changes and it doesn't involve anything or anyone in the transcommunity. I have all the medical and other professionals I need to change and don't plan to say anything more, as I tell friends, "It's personal and private and not open for public discussion."

I applaud younger and especially young transitioners who can be open and public - Tumblr is a good place to find them, and while it works for some transitioners, even older ones, it doesn't work and even sucks for some older people.

It's not about the person, they know who they are and what they want to do about their life. It's what people expect and don't like when they see or hear about people changing. I don't need or want it. I just want to live my life.

So I don't plan to post here except every now and then.  I've moved all the previous posts to draft and may bring some of them back in the future, but I don't think they do much for anyone else except let me think out loud.

Otherwise, thanks for readers. I wish you well.

Why

The purpose of SRS is so the person reaches down between their legs and feels what they love than what they hate. It's that simple. Nothing more and nothing less.

Interesting

It's interesting that last fall the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS), the federal agency overseeing the Affordable Care Act (ACA), sent a letter to health insurance companies stating that they can't discriminate against transgender people, but it has caveats.

One caveat is that the letter which covered transgender under the ACA only stated the companies can't deny them coverage or reject claims for their healthcare with one exception, which is that the insurance companies aren't mandated to cover transition care, essentially therapy, drugs, and most importantly surgeries.

In other words, you have to take them as customers and cover the healthcare as you would anyone but you can discriminate against them for their transition care. This is the same as the Federal Employees Health Benefit (FEHB) program where companies can't deny employees or retirees who are transgender but they can deny them their transition care.

This is expressly stated in all the health insurance plans in the FEHB which does not cover "sex transformation" care and can recoup any care they did cover if they discover it was related to the patient's care for their transition outside of the normal healthcare for everyone else.

So, in the end, it really doesn't matter if you're transgender under the ACA or FEHB, the latter explicitly exempt from the ACA because it's the federal government, you still have to pay out of pocket unless you're fortunate to have an employer, attend a university or live in a state which does cover transition care under supervision.

Gee, not such a warm and fuzzy feeling. The insurance companies can't discriminate on one hand accepting you as a customer but then can discriminate on the other because you're a patient. So much for the ACA being useful.

And forget being under the FEHB because the White House sent a letter to the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) which oversees the FEHB program three years ago to remove the exclusive exemption from FEHB plans but have yet to do so.

So for transgender people, it's still the same, don't tell them you're transgender and get out your checkbook for your treatment and surgeries. Nothing's changed.

Annika's Way Cool Article

Annika (Penelope) wrote an excellent article about her transition, "Ten Things I Wish I'd Known When I Started My Transition", found on Autostraddle or the Huffington Post. She is at the end of her second year and getting on with her life just being a woman (transanything optional to her now).

I would only add a few things. First, don't make your transition front and center of your life, make it fit within your existing life, work, school, career, whatever. The point being you will get through your transition but your life, etc. will continue as you will be then.

It's easy to make your transition a focus as it's important to get through it with all the work for it, therapy (more about that), medical tests, hrt, surgeries, legal stuff, etc., not to mention the family and friends, social world and network, clothes, etc.

But try hard to make it fit into your life. Be yourself with everything else and your transition will blend into the whole array of being yourself. That is what's most important, life, now and in the future, when you're through your transition and living as yourself.

This is where many make the mistake to focus on their transition to find themselves afterward without much of a life, maybe or maybe not work and especially a career, and likey broke if not in debt for years if not decades.

If it takes your transition a little longer to live through it better on the other side, do it, you'll be and feel better for it because you won't have all the problems you created earlier or during your transition. Don't create problems you don't need or want.

Second, therapy is key, not for who you are, that's given and known, but what you will go through and how to survive. A good therapist is a god send to be there to listen, ask questions, give advice, in short, help you mentally with all the aches, pains, problems, troubles, etc. There will be many.

Third, make your heatlth and fitness top priorities. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) will change everything and not everyone's mind and/or body is tolerant of some of the HRT drugs or dosages. Don't crash your mind or body, it's not worth it so find a way to transition with the optimium dosage of HRT.

Fourth, I agree, you can't have enough money. If you're lucky, like Annika, to pass without facial surgery or want breast augmentation surgery, all you need is money for your sex affirmation surgery, especially if it's not covered by insurance.

Don't underestimate the medical costs, especially if you don't have access to a free or low-cost clinic for therapy, basic physician services and low-cost HRT. While employers will cover these, the vast majority in health insurance companies explicitly don't cover it.

As for losing privilege, yes, it's a reality, but less if you're older as you have a career you can rely on if you keep it. The mistake many make is walking away from their career and lose an advantages they had to start over as women, or worse as "transwomen."

This where many make the mistake to go fulltime before they're ready, mentally and physically and with life and work. Some are lucky to have good employers but many aren't and find themselves unemployed and unemployable.

The advantage of being older is you have a little more freedom from being socially or fashionably conscious of your appearance. Not to say it doesn't hurt to be, it's less important as older women have less interest if they choose and only for those occasions where it's expected.

All in all, Annika's article is great advice.

Why You Stay Stealth

There are several reasons you do not come out, do not become public and do not announce it on Websites unless you have no choice. The risk far outweigh the price you can and often will experience which sometimes results in violence, even death.

The first is that you open yourself to public harrassment through the various social network Websites. The anonymous people who think it's cool to harrass, threaten and imitidate other people, especially transwomen and more so post-transition women.

The second is that your Website will be trashed if you allow anonymous comments, questions, or posts, and may be hacked if you don't allow them. I don't allow them in hopes that anyone who wants to comments has to have an account and be a real person, or at least someone I can check them from their posts.

The third is if anyone posts a photo of you or information about you, you will be a target and may be attacked for just being yourself. You risk being a victim, being a patient and being a corpse.

Don't do it. If you are stealth, stay stealth. Protect yourself and stay silent and quietly live your life with your work, your loved one and family, and yourself.

Don't listen to the transcommunity and those in it who espouse coming out and being out. Ignore them and better forget them. There are far more stealth (trans)women than out women, by several orders of magnitude, so you are not alone in your decision to stay stealth.

Your safety and security are far more important than being out. Stay stealth.

I am

I am my own woman. Similar and different than other women, than all women. Unique in myself as each woman. And while I may not have been born to be naturally a girl and grew into being a woman, it doesn't change my reality, my sense of being who I am. I am my own woman.

Suggestion

A suggestion to all the tranwomen with blogs anywhere. Please do not give out medical advice or even make suggestions other than reminding anyone wanting to transition or starting a transition or to anyone just curious about a transition to seek experienced medical professionals.

I not against transwomen giving suggestions to find and get a physician, to visit a local clinic for transgender people, or to suggest they consult with a professional therapist for advice and help. But please don't discuss Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), even your own.

I say this because HRT drugs are powerful drugs which permanently change the body, especially testosterone for female-to-male transpeople. Female HRT drugs constitute a variety of drugs with a range of types and dosage with varying effects for each person.

This is why it can be and sometimes is dangerous dispensing pseudo-medical advice on a blog. You get people to follow your experience or advice without consulting physicians, buying them over the Internet or elsewhere, which can get people in trouble or worse, physically or mentally hurt.

HRT drugs should only be dispensed under the care of an experienced physician or endrochronologist to follow the patient over the duration of their transition. It requires routine blood tests and personal evalutations.

It also requires a letter of recomendation from a therapist to the physician or endrochronologist  confirming your condition under the DSM-IVTR standards with gender related issues and a clear decision to transition.

I read quite a few young transwomen who seem to freely and openly discuss their HRT, and while it's good to document and public show the effects over time if you want, it's not good to be specific about your HRT drugs and dosages.

This is because with HRT, it really is the old adage, "Your Mileage May Vary", as everyone reacts different to HRT, including some who can't tolerate it or have adverse effects or reactions to it. These will magnify with more types of HRT drugs and increasing dosages.

I think it's cool that young transwomen talk about their transitions and even mention HRT as part of the overall program to monitor a transition. Transitions should not be taken lightly and there are Standards of Care (SOC) defined by WPATH from the DSM-IVTR standards for diagnoses.

And that's what should be the advice, always get good, experienced medical help for a transition. It's good medical practice, but most of all, it's best for people who wants to or are starting a transition. It's your life and health at stake, mistakes can be dangerous and permanent.

That said, I'm over-reacting a bit, but it's a concern when I read the responses people ask these transwomen about transitions and read advice which, while good, isn't the best, when the best is to advise anyone to seek medical professionals.

Anyway, just a thought and a personal suggestion, one from personal knowledge and experience.

Why

Why do transsexuals, those in or after transition, always have to dress like women, preferably fashionable women? Why can't a transwoman who is comfortable in her old clothes or men's clothes continue to wear them and still be a woman? When women can wear men's clothes or women's clothes fashioned like men's clothes and still be a women, why can't transwomen?

The first thing almost all in-transition women proclaim is the day they heave all their male clothes into the dumpster or recycle bins? They proudly pronounce the day they expelled the maleness from their life and future. They claim all transwomen should love fashion, be fashionable and always love shopping for more clothes, makeup, etc.

But if a transwoman decides she likes some of her old, aka. male, clothes and loves men's clothes or women's clothes fashioned to be men's clothes, they're considered and called invalid, not a true transwoman. She can't be a transwoman. She can't be real or authentic. She's a fraud or a fake.

They refuse to see a woman is about the body and the mind and how she reflects that in her life through her public presentation, meaning her clothes is just her expression and behavior. And if a transwoman wants to live comfortable in whatever her clothes she likes, so be it. So why is it unacceptable?

That's what individual freedom is about and something every women in the transcommunity needs to respect, and not their personal view about their views on clothes for everyone. They argue for the right and freedom to be legally and physically but then argue against the right of invdividual expression as women.

In the end, clothes are just that, clothes. It's not the person, only an expression. Let's keep that in mind. Let's honor that and all transwomen however they dress.

Dear Ms Simpson

Update.--- After an e-mail exchange with Ms. Simpson, I'm satisfied she'll do well in the job, as she earned and deserved it, and will put the matter of her former transgender identity behind her. I will take her at her word for now and expect she will do as she said. While the transgender community will continue to promote her and probably encourage her activisim, I hope, and will hold her accountable by her words, that she will not engage in activites for the transcommunity or transgender employees in the federal government unless it is part of her official duties.

And so to that end, I will keep this post to hold it as a record. The original is below.

Dear Ms. Simpson,

I applaud your appointment by President Obama to the Department of Commerce. I have no doubt you will do well and serve this country well. You more than earned and deserved the offer to accept to serve the American people. And I appluad your efforts to work with the LGBT, and especially transgender, community to advance public awareness of transgender people and people like yourself to transistion and live legally recognized in the sex and gender they know they are.

After reading a public statement you made about your appointment, you said you hoped this opened the door to many more (transgender and post-transistion) people in government, I do, however, have some words in response. First, not all post-transistion people want to be recognized as transgender. It may be your choice of words, it's not theirs, so please don't label them when they don't want it.

Second, surprising as it may seem, there already are transgender and post-transistion people in government service, in the administration, the military and even Congress. You're not the first, so please don't assume you're the only one. The others have long preferred to live and work quietly without the public label you identify with. Again, don't hurt their life and work for your agenda and cause.

And third, don't think you speak or represent them. And you certainly don't speak for me. Keep your tune and tone, and especially your opinion, to yourself about other transgender or post-transistion employees and people. They just might not like or appreciate the consequences of your words.

Anyway, that's it. Enjoy government service. And remember you're appointed, not a permanent employee, so understand the latter are great people having worked for the American people in government service. Don't abuse or misuse them for political purposes or gain. They definitely won't like that.

Take care.

Being Oversensitive

After sitting on the sidelines watching the transcommunity for a number years, researching the history of the community, organizations, people, events, issues, and so on, and occasionally participating in discussions, I've come to the conclusion, really from my first group meeting, the transcommunity and especially the transgender part of the community, meaning mostly cross-dressers and transistioning women, are over sensitive and don't know when someone is making a point to poke fun, spark discussion, lighten the discussion or is making a tongue-in-cheek comment.

Not surprisingly few trans men join transgroups because historically they have a built-in support group in lesbian groups. Since they are female to male, most are or were butch lesbian (some use dykes), they don't need the transcommunity. For now anyway. Some lesbian groups are kicking transmen out because they want lesbians, not former lesbians turned straight guys. And they're not liking the testosterone effect on their former lesbians.

But that's off the point. Anyway, my point is that most of the people in the transcommunity haven't learned to lighten up in discussion and they take almost everything too seriously, especially internal opposition. And that's when it's worse. Question views or expresss alternative opinions or ideas and you will be verbally pummelled, if not expelled. As I have learned. Up to that point, you'll get criticized by the diehard transpeople (again mostly transwomen).

Extreme view? Maybe, but look at the recent situation with the appointment of Amanda Simpson to the Department of Commerce. I wrote as the first she will be the "token" women with a transgender past at such levels of government and she maybe (note maybe) a puppet for both sides, the administration to promote LGBT people and the transcommunity to promote one of them.

Except as I noted she's not one of them. She transistioned long ago and is legally female, not trans of any flavor, that's her past or history, not her present or future. And yes, she did work on LGBT boards and with LGBT groups as a transrepresentative. She even used it in her polticial campaign years ago. But now she's just a woman in a job.

It was the transcommunity who promoted the news release of a "transgender appointment" to the administration. And then they whined with the flak began. I kidding the "whining" part, but it was to be expected by the conservative and religious groups. What didn't the transcommunity not understand or see. They fired the first volley and didn't expect return fire, often as usually happens, very insulting and degrading?

It's why I walked away from the transcommunity and other than continue to watch from the sidelines, I don't get involved. There are many outsanding people and groups in the community, but like every larger issue, there are the often loud but always serious voices who don't tolerate opposition and especially dissent. And worst of all, they don't tolerate humor.

Don't poke fun at them in jest, least you want a verbal beating from members. I've always subscribe to the idea to take your issues serioulsy but not yourself seriously. But then always discuss any issue with an open mind and heart, to listen, understand and talk with honesty, fairness and always with some humor. There's humor in everything, it's makes life easier to swallow.

Unfortunately, in spite of all the good people in and good work of the transcommunity, they haven't learned to just smile at life. After all, it's funny it's in own right, just open your eyes and see. You'll feel better and learn to be more understanding and accepting, and yes, of opposition within and anger from outside.

Please Remember

Please remember folks, the essays here are simply observations and thoughts on life from my perspective. My eyes and mind. Nothing more. And just my opinion from my knowledge, understanding and experience. As I knew then or know now. Nothing more. The essays don't necessarily mean anything beyond that, except occasionally some may have some general relevance.

While I'm not active in the LGBT community and through its organizations, far from it for personal reasons, I like to wander around a lot of areas of life looking in from the fringes and see what's there. And true that misses a lot of the details from being there, looking longer, or seeing more things, I've found most people inside aren't much different. It's being human with our own bias.

For all the words, just remember they're simply mine, open to discussion (through your comments), and always open to change when presented with good arguments, information and experience. I learn before, during and after writing, and often review and rewrite some of the essays. And I always quote the old adage you grandmother taught you.

What you don't know it or forgot it? It's the old adage, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.", to which I've always added some rules. First, if you can't express a negative in a positive way, then don't say it. If you can't add suggestions for improvement or change, then don't say it. And if you can't say it with humor, meaning, say it with glint in your eye, your tongue in your cheek, or a smile on your face, then don't say it.

So, that's it. What I write is all said with an open, light-hearted intent to think out loud, and right or wrong, no verbal pummelling allowed. The positive will stay, the negative gets trashed. And both will show me more about yourself than your words.

Tavern conversations

I'm basically a tavern conversationalist. I like the spirit and openness of a good Friday night conversation at a tavern with rounds of good microbews, stout ale for me thanks, and great food. I like the hearty openness, honesty and freedom of these conversations. And the humor and tolerance for diversity and divergent views.

I like people who are passionate about their views, like wandering ideas, and listen well to understand and debate the subjects beyond saying, "I think..." I like people who take their issues seriously but don't take themselves seriously. I certainly don't. I often hold extreme view on issues, but I rarely speak them. I prefer offering views that open the door to dialog and debate.

Only when pressured or I want to say what I truly feel will I express my deeply held and strongly felt views on an issue. But even then it's just my view of the world, from my experience, knowledge and understanding. Nothing more, but certainly not less than anyone else's view. It's just mine.

And even as I age, I still feel the same way. The only people I avoid anymore are those who are clearly so intransigent in the views they won't change, they won't even listen. And they will keep twisting the topic or issue to their view or to denigrate the opposing view, or worse other people. At that point, when I used to try to talk to them, now I simply shut up and often walk away.

They won't change. But that's also issue dependent. I've known some very interesting, and staunchly opininated, people in my life, and I like being in their company for conversations, because they see the humor in life, and even their own life and view. They're often a hoot to be around and talk with. They laugh at themselves more than they laugh as life.

And I can kid them about life and their views. That's my style. Always with a smile and a humorous idea or perspective on things. The little kid in me never left and sometimes likes to make people smile. It's all in the value we have as people with each other. If we didn't respect each other and learned to appreciate and respect our differences and different views. what else would there be in the world?

I know somtimes friendship is best, and why maybe diplomacy is often better done, on a Friday night at the local pub over good beer and food.

Definitions

The word transpersonal, according to the Oxford American Dictionary, means, "of, denoting, or dealing with states or areas of consciousness beyond the limits of personal identity." What exactly this means, personally (ok, bad pun), I really don't have a clue. I just like the word and description, except to me the word means, "the consciousness about crossing divides of human thinking, feeling, expressions and behaviors."

It's not necessary to me what the literal definition means according to the various groups or organizations which use the term. I may use their definitions and usage, but apply it to the here and now in the context of the human experience, from my favorite tavern absorbing all the experiences of the senses sitting at a table against the window, to my photography, especially where I'm hiking in Mt. Rainier NP, just putting one foot, or really hiking boot, in front of another looking, and to my life, just going about the world in the things I do.

It's about life and the moment, and what, where, when, how and why it all fits into our existence. I'm not sure where it goes, or even if it leads anywhere. Sometimes it's just a wandering and wondering about what's around me, the like adage, "Stand in your space and know you are there.", but more so about the interactions, interconnections and interrelationships between the person, me, the world, where I'm at, the universe, and the unknown, whether a belief, faith, or in my case Taoism.

Well, that's it for an introduction, which is about as clear as a glacier fed stream flowing of Mt. Rainier, kinda' a chunky, milk chocolate drink of everything past, present and future. But then that's the beauty of it. It's open to everything and anything which my senses experience, my mind thinks, my heart feels, my soul experiences, and my spirit absorbs.

To stand and be. Nothing and everything.