Space in between

A rose in a teacup? Ok, and the title? Well, I marvel at how we like our world neat and orderly, or so most of us do, at least to some degree, most more than others. Some, on the other hand, love when the world is disorganized and disorderly, confusion in the perception of reality. It applies to a lot of things in our life and world, but it doesn't seem to be more important and sensitive than in gender. We like the established binary sex of males and females, and binary gender roles of men and women, or so we think.

Well, the actual reality isn't what we think we know. Specialists in gender studies over the years have discovered sex isn't binary, but a spectrum of many combination of X and Y Chromosomes, and the genes with each which we get don't translate to the same sex as the next person. And add to that the effects of hormones in our development, we come into life a bundle of both sex characteristics in our body and our mind.

And during our life we have, need and use, both sex hormones to stay alive, they combine to keep us going as a person. The existence of anyone with just male or female hormones is one in many millions. When you then combine that with gender identity, both our own internal view of ourselves and our view of our social role in the world, we get a real spectrum of human diversity, and a large measure of overlapping sex-genders between the bulk of men and women.

And when we get to gender roles, in short, all bets are off. As any reputable researcher in gender studies will tell you, there are no sex-specific, meaning exclusive of the other sex, behavoir in the genders, not even in the same population from a town to a nation. Despite the pop-psychology books on the market, we don't all think, speak, act, behave or exist as one set of same gender characteristics.

We are combination of both sex and gender characteristics. Generalities tell you that we can assume some basic commonalities for a majority of us. Well, maybe, but not across societies or cultures, let alone nations. What we think is male in the US isn't male everywhere, from the basic ideas of social roles to individuality, especially when we think about men's view of women. Beauty isn't universal. And the same works for women.

And despite what you really think about some gender roles, even the most obvious isn't consistently felt or expressed in either gender. Not all women want children or are good mothers, meaning they have a maternal instinct. And not all men want or like being bread winners or the leader in a family. What does this mean to what we accepted in our experience about our sex and gender roles?

And yet, we continue to use appearance to judge others, relying on our own values than trying to accept them or understand their values. We shouldn't, shouldn't put our values on them when we don't know or understand, especially if it's the first time or even a few times, as the child told her mom after she got angry with a cashier once, "Mom, maybe she's just having a bad day." So, my point?

Relax about yourself, but more importantly relax about others. Take a look at the diversity of people. What do you think of them from their appearance? Is it true? Not likely. You're judging them from your perception from your experience and knowledge. And that's the point, you never know who they really are, as a person, what's behind the clothes (ok, excpeted nudist colonies and hospitals), what's in their heart, what makes up their soul and spirit, and what makes them the person they are.

So, when you standing in line, remember we all live in the space in between somebody else, so enjoy those around for the moment. What's the old saying," Judge not, lest thee be judged." You just might find and meet an interesting person and maybe make a friend. The photo? It's a cup and saucer by Goyer and Bonneau, some really neat stuff.