The old adage

You know the one that says, "Do as I say, not as I do"? So applicable almost everywhere with everyone. And mostly from everyone. And why it's interesting listening to the life stories of post-transistion women, especially those long transistioned and living as women, invisible as the rest of us. And why, you ask?

Because they will all advise transwomen comtemplating let alone beginning their transistion with one phrase, "Don't!" Simply don't transistion. They will argue that a transistion is the worst thing you can do and go through and then have to live with and as. You see, as a transperson, and especially a transwomen, you become visible, not lost in the crowd of your birth sex and gender.

You become different and obvious. You're, in a sense, as a person you become mutt, someone accommodates but never have to accept as real, and certainly not one of them, men or women. They will tell you think again, and again, and don't transistion. Stay as you are and accept yourself.

But when you ask them if they could have stayed, to a woman, they'll tell you they couldn't. They had to transistion. It was their only choice in life and with life. They did it and survived. But then they'll say don't do it. Not even know if you're no different than them about yourself.

I've heard this over and over from them about transwomen just starting. So hypocritical. Harsh? Yes, but honest too. They don't see they're the old adage which everyone knows is only said to lie. It's not about the positives you'll know and feel, it's always about the negatives, the pain, the hurt, the anger, the abuse, even the violence, and more so the discrimination.

Yet they did it for their own sanity and being. And they advise everyone else not to, like the others have choices like they didn't or did and chose then. I'm doubting or questioning the wisdom there for many people. A transistion isn't fun and isn't always successful. In fact quite the opposite.

Most women who transistion end in being worse off than when they started, only now as women. What's not said in the life stories are the failures, not just with that person, but the many who haven't written. Not all the don't write life stories are failures, many are successes. But far more are failures.

And that's what these women are saying. Not about themselves so much, but of those they know or saw. What they're really saying is, "Get real first.", and not "Don't!" That's not being hypocritical, just pragmatic, from experience and knowledge. That's fair to a point. But it's not fair making it universal as they do.

That's what hypocritical. Saying one size fits all. It didn't for them, or at least they survived and came through relatively ok, some even better. But they assume failure fits everyone else. As one might say today, "Not!" But then understand the odds aren't with you and are stacked against you. Understand that and you'll be ok, or at least mindful of the reality.

So maybe they're not saying "Do as I say, not as I do.", but "Don't do as I did, but find your own way."