Transistion Advice

I read a non-public forum (can't directly link to the post) where someone posted their advice for a transistion, and unfortunately, after reading it, I couldn't disagree more. Their advice is well-founded and good, but my criticism is that it is entirely based on the individual in the transcommunity. To which I responded with the following.

I would only counter having one or two close friends who are trans or understand transpeople, and then avoid the transcommunity altogether. The peole in the transcommunity generally are either be dismissive (the cliquish attitude) or overly positive (unrealistic). Develop your friends and contacts among the rest of the world because that's where you'll live post-transistion, not with the commuity - unless you're a public figure who wants to be there or has little choice.

There a many transpeople who transistion without the transcommunity and use the wealth of professional and personal resources to get through and beyond their transistion. Many of the medical and other professionals provide the complete suite of services you need (physicians, surgeons, therapists, appearance, etc.) outside of community. They may support the community but they work with the clients individually, and not through the community.

I would say to find a good physician, therapist, and appearance specialists (face, wardrobe, etc.). They'll be more honest, understanding and supportive of you and your transistion to succeed than other transpeople being cheerleaders, or the opposite.

Don't think you need other transpeople or the transcommunity, and only support it, if you want, for the issues you care about. This is important if you don't want to develop the thick skin approach or don't want to live with the inbred attitudes often found in the community.

And realize most importantly, you can't put yourself back in the closet. So be very careful not only how you come out, but when. Coming out early has its pitfalls and puts undue stress on you and your appearance to meet expectations. You can actually get most of the way through your transistion to coming out just before going fulltime, and after you've learned what it takes and are ready.

I would go so far as to say, only do so when it's clearly obvious to others what you're doing, and even then do it cautiously and carefully. Waiting helps the understanding and acceptance by others as they've seen you change and are less surprised. This is important with your professional life and career where you want to stay without any significant impact. This is unlikely but less so when they value you and your work.

Anyway, that's what I wrote.