Don't confuse the two

Under the transgender (trans)community umbrella exist quite a few divergent and diverse groups, some people living in more than one and some moving between during their life, but most just sit in one. This is where the public gets confused and mixes one or more together or uses characteristics of one for another. They're all really vastly different and almost exclusive of the other groups.

And this is where the community at large and many of the groups confuse the public, sometimes intentionally and sometimes inadvertently to define the larger umbrella than the different groups. This is where some groups and members of those groups get misunderstood and face discrimination and often hate or anger. They're not what the people think but only what the community has presented.

Harsh? Maybe, but I was reading a column by a pair of transvestites or crosse-dressers, they didn't say which but they're two gay men who love to play dressup and go out as caricatures of women. Women they think women should be and they love to pretend to be. But they're not transgender, which they claim they are.

I say this because transgender means possessing characteristics signifcantly more of the opposite sex or gender than their birth sex. This means men who are women in their mind, and usually want to be and live as women, some to the extent they transistion into becoming physically female as much as medically possilbe.

Some call these people transsexuals to distinguish between transgender people. But the truth is that either way, men who only like to present themselves as women because it's fun, a hobby or other reasons aren't transgender in any sense of the definition, but they like to claim it for the purposes of discrimination laws.

And this is where the transcommunity shoots itself in the political foot. By wanting laws for the rights and protections of everyone under the umbrella, they hurt the ones who really want to be women, not occasionally, but 24/7, complete with changes to their birth certificate and all documents. They want to be women and leave their male history behind, far behind.

This is a divisive issue in the transcommunity and people who espouse separation between groups and especially independence from groups and the community are most often treated as traitors and enemies of the community, but this is the prevailing view of many in and post transistion women. The don't see themselves as trans anything and have little interest in the transcommunity.

And this is where they look at other groups in the transcommunity as hurting them and their efforts for acceptance and integration into mainstream life. When people keep identifying them as or with other groups, they feel they have to start all over explaining themselves. It's the never-ending cycle of misunderstanding.

It's why the vast majority simply walk away from the transcommunity, and since they are legally women, where the others aren't, they can and usually decide it's not their world or issues. It's why the transcommunity has a hard time keeping post-transistion women, they walk away and never look back.

Why should they? They were betrayed by the other groups in the transcommunity who confuse the distinction, claim they're like them, and then demand the same rights and protections. And then the "trannies", like those in the column, wonder why they're not liked? Where are gay men playing dressup the same as in or post-transistion women?

And the same applies to cross-dressers, only less so for the small percentage who do transistion, who are men who just want to dress as women. They're no different than drag queens or transvestites, only the reasons are different. They live and work as men, identify as men, usually married with families, and don't want to transistion to be or live as women.

So what's transgender about them? There's no overwhelming self-identity as women to want to be women, only to wear the makeup and clothes. That's not different, just their clothes, which often are similar as they like to dressup for parties, events or weekends, but not just simply living.

Still harsh? Yes, but I know some in and post-transisition women who feel that way, only those who stay with the community, as some are public or media people, have to or choose to keep their personal views to themselves, but most just walk away and forget the transcommunity exists. I don't and won't blame them. I agree with them. It's their life and right, not to be confused or misrepresented.

These two gay men aren't the transcommunity and should not decide or speak everyone in the community, and definitely should not think they're transgender. Don't confuse real differences, don't confuse the truth and reality, and above all else, don't consider you're the same as (trans)women. Clothes don't make you one, being and living does.