Not Always

When people who have transitioned talk to those who are considering or in therapy to start their transition or who are in their transition, these people always tell you to go ahead, don't hesitate, come out, go public, be fulltime, and take charge of who you are and your life.

It's often the advice Nike gives, "Just do it", something you expect from the one minute manager expert. These people are usually the ones who often passed as women before or during their transition, who didn't need cosmetic facial surgery, who didn't need very much facial or body hair removal and for whom hormones had an extraordinary change to their face and body.

In short they easily and readily passed. Or if not, they found or had the money to get cosmetic facial surgery and/or breast augmentation surgery. In other words, once they decided they went full speed through their transition through their Sex Reassignment Surgery and got on with their life.

And so they can hand out that advice like candy, they did it so everyone else should do the same, or as some often say, "You're not a true transwoman.", meaning they're the ones who subvertly decide who's true and right or not.

They will always tell their story of hardships and challenges, and how they overcame them or got through them to transition. They'll will always talk about well they were seen and accepted as women, forgetting how easily they passed.

This is often true of those who become public figures or celebrities as transgender women, accepting that word as who they are, but then always arguing they're also just women, like other women, except their experience is different.

They argue they're trying to change the public perception and image of "transgender" women, meaning calling anyone who is transitioning or has transitioned is transgender by definition, theirs and the public's, even if the woman doesn't want the label.

They either forget or disregard those who don't follow their path and advice. And unfortunate for those who can't and have to live with the stereotype these women set and the stigma of how they fail. These women argue against stereotypes while being one themselves.

Not all women transition like they do, and in fact, most don't, taking longer because of work, family, money, health, fitness, time and other reasons or factors. Some take a long time to or don't even transition because they're more afraid they'll be worse off and not accepted if they do transition, and to them, life of quiet desparation is better than a life of public isolation.

We forget that at the heart of this is someone's own gender identity inside the physical body genetics, time, experience and circumstance gave them, and that along with the realities of the transition, especially the cost, overshadows everything anyone else can say about them.

To all those public transgender women, I say to your words and advice, not always. And don't speak for anyone else and especially all transwomen, just speak for yourself.