This is the often one of the more debated, or argued, subjects with transpeople, who don't know how to explain why they transistion, and the non-transpeople who think they're nutcases who don't accept their birth sex and body. You can talk all you want about it, but it boils down to the understanding the question, "What if you were born in the body of the other sex?"
What would you do? And to a person, the answer is always the same, in different words, "I'd transistion, such as when Jennifer Boylan asked Oprah, "What would you do if you were born with a penis and testicles?" She instantly responded, "I'd cut them off!" That's the crux of the issue non-transpeople don't get until faced with the reality of being in the body of the other sex.
And in the end a transistion isn't really about all the clothes, makeup, etc., the stuff of life we use to get through the world and life, which the media likes to focus on to show transwomen are "real" women by the standards of normal society. They don't get all transwomen want to do is fit in and be accepted, and then get on with their life as women. Nothing more.
I won't argue some like the clothes, makeup, shopping, etc. Many women and many men, although they won't say so, like shopping. It's just all relative to the products. But then many women don't like shopping and don't care about clothes and makeup. If you don't belive that, watch women for awhile and you'll see the greater precentage wear little or no makeup and most wear everyday clothes for convenience, like jeans, t-shirts, etc. Just like men.
But the real reason people transistion is simple. To be physically whole and right. That's it. Nothing more. Once there, they're happy to be who they know they are and wanted to be, just a woman, like any other women, minus the obvious genetic differences which can't be added, not that they wouldn't want that too, only medical science hasn't gotten there yet.
That's not hard to understand. Where transpeople have long wanted, often dreamed and some prayed, to wake up with the right body, the rest don't realize how lucky they are they already have the right body. But then think if you didn't. You wouldn't feel whole or right, and you would want to do everything to change matters? It's the same thoughts, feelings and emotions transpeople have.
Not hard to understand then is it?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Suing for what
Update 12/29/09).--Apparently this may be a hoax. Or so says the attorneys representing Caster Semenya. They're in discussioin with the ASA and IAAF over her status and publicity, but they say a lawsuit isn't in the plans. So, I sit corrected about the story, but not my view if it happens. That won't change, only if the lawsuit is real or not.
Original Post.--I read today (12/28/09) that Caster Semenya is suing the International Associations of Athletics (IAAF) and Athletics South Africa (ASA) for a combined value of $138 Million. Yup, that's a lot of money. It seems, according to the news story, the IAAF and ASA mishandled her tests and public release of the results that she is a hermaphrodite. Like professional (even the "amatuer" ones are professional when the train 24/7) athletes have any right to privacy when they compete?
It's interesting to see almost everyone in the transgender community supported her when she competed in the summer games, and won so handlity it raised obvious flags something was right with this girl. Recently both the IAAF announced she could keep her medals and title from the summer games, but they didn't mention if she would be allowed to compete in future games, or at least not without some changes.
I for one sided with the other women athletes who were wronged. Caster is a unique person, no doubt, but she's far from being female on the same level as, to use a phrase, "normal" athletic women. I felt the complete test results should have been made public so everyone knew who she was. That's no different than any other athletes who assumes test to confirm their sex or drug compliance isn't private.
The problem know is we won't know exactly what she is, what form of hermaphrodite to better understand the situation. All we know is what has been released, which was she was born male with internal testes and possibly an external vagina, and no female reproductive system, not something women have. And the testosterone when the testes worked clearly effected her body and abilities, and unfairly as the other women athletes maintain. And I agree.
What the transcommunity fails to understand is that this isn't about one person alone, but one person in context. The international athletics organization have established rules for transpeple to compete, and Ms. Semenya didn't meet the critieria to compete in women's events as a woman or a (trans)woman. It's that simple.
And now she's suing. I'm sorry for her but, as I've said before, she stepped into the spotlight to compete, and winning, as she clearly did, put her being and history into the spotlight. She can't say now she was damaged and wants compensation for the embarassment and mental damages. She wanted to run and even if she knew the consequences or not, she knew she would get attention.
That doesn't merit suing the organizers. She has a legitimate complaint against some people in South Africa who let her compete despite knowing the truth, which we'll never know, yet anyway. The trial may open those pages. But she doesn't have a complaint beyond that. She should have known about herself and her condition, and she still wanted to compete.
No doubt she was a victim of gender politics. No doubt she was used by the ASA for their agenda. And for that she deserves some compensation. But she doesn't deserve to add to the gender politics herself by making her the issue. And I expect the ASA and IAAF will settle the matter for considerably less to avoid the publicity of a trial.
And that's the sad part of the whole thing. She's adding to the calamity, putting herself in the spotlight again. And maybe this time we'll get more information about her and the situation, which is exactly the opposite of what she wants, the public release of the truth. But she did flip the light switch on herself, and for that, she has no one else to blame.
And in the end, she proved she's as normal as everyone else. It's not about what happened. It's about the money.
Original Post.--I read today (12/28/09) that Caster Semenya is suing the International Associations of Athletics (IAAF) and Athletics South Africa (ASA) for a combined value of $138 Million. Yup, that's a lot of money. It seems, according to the news story, the IAAF and ASA mishandled her tests and public release of the results that she is a hermaphrodite. Like professional (even the "amatuer" ones are professional when the train 24/7) athletes have any right to privacy when they compete?
It's interesting to see almost everyone in the transgender community supported her when she competed in the summer games, and won so handlity it raised obvious flags something was right with this girl. Recently both the IAAF announced she could keep her medals and title from the summer games, but they didn't mention if she would be allowed to compete in future games, or at least not without some changes.
I for one sided with the other women athletes who were wronged. Caster is a unique person, no doubt, but she's far from being female on the same level as, to use a phrase, "normal" athletic women. I felt the complete test results should have been made public so everyone knew who she was. That's no different than any other athletes who assumes test to confirm their sex or drug compliance isn't private.
The problem know is we won't know exactly what she is, what form of hermaphrodite to better understand the situation. All we know is what has been released, which was she was born male with internal testes and possibly an external vagina, and no female reproductive system, not something women have. And the testosterone when the testes worked clearly effected her body and abilities, and unfairly as the other women athletes maintain. And I agree.
What the transcommunity fails to understand is that this isn't about one person alone, but one person in context. The international athletics organization have established rules for transpeple to compete, and Ms. Semenya didn't meet the critieria to compete in women's events as a woman or a (trans)woman. It's that simple.
And now she's suing. I'm sorry for her but, as I've said before, she stepped into the spotlight to compete, and winning, as she clearly did, put her being and history into the spotlight. She can't say now she was damaged and wants compensation for the embarassment and mental damages. She wanted to run and even if she knew the consequences or not, she knew she would get attention.
That doesn't merit suing the organizers. She has a legitimate complaint against some people in South Africa who let her compete despite knowing the truth, which we'll never know, yet anyway. The trial may open those pages. But she doesn't have a complaint beyond that. She should have known about herself and her condition, and she still wanted to compete.
No doubt she was a victim of gender politics. No doubt she was used by the ASA for their agenda. And for that she deserves some compensation. But she doesn't deserve to add to the gender politics herself by making her the issue. And I expect the ASA and IAAF will settle the matter for considerably less to avoid the publicity of a trial.
And that's the sad part of the whole thing. She's adding to the calamity, putting herself in the spotlight again. And maybe this time we'll get more information about her and the situation, which is exactly the opposite of what she wants, the public release of the truth. But she did flip the light switch on herself, and for that, she has no one else to blame.
And in the end, she proved she's as normal as everyone else. It's not about what happened. It's about the money.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
A must read
Recently I found a blog about a mother with a young girl in transistion (ok, meaning born physically a boy and mentally a girl, and if you can't grasp that, then think of a girl born with a physical condition different than most girls). It's about Jen and her daughter Hope, found here. I can't begin to imagine all the issues being a mother and mom with someone like Hope, just trying to provide a safe environment for her to grow up surrounded by the world we live in today.
She does it with character and courage, for both Hope and herself. The number of families with transchildren isn't really known, and really shouldn't be known so the families can simply be families and not live in fear of public disclosure or being ostracized by friends and neighbor, because in the end, children are who they are. They don't hide themselves, only the truth occasionally when it's not on their side (haven't we all done that?).
It's only the transchildren who are pressured by their parents and siblings into not being themselves. These children learn to hide their innate sense of being in the clothes and behavior of their birth sex because it's expected. The will do this until they can open and express themselves as they've always known and felt. It's the sad reality parents don't see their children to help them than suppress, and some even oppress, them.
Rather than teaching love to their children, they're teaching the opposite, which will be expressed as angry, hate, and so on as they know and fear being discovered and the consequences. Worse so, they're teaching self-hate, which turns into other outlets to hide themselves. And this often leads to depression and all to often suicide, which is several times higher then non-trans children and teens.
But here we find a woman believing in her child to be themselves, and support that as best she knows, and facing all the problems of raising a daughter, an exceptional one at that. Thanks Jen for sharing.
She does it with character and courage, for both Hope and herself. The number of families with transchildren isn't really known, and really shouldn't be known so the families can simply be families and not live in fear of public disclosure or being ostracized by friends and neighbor, because in the end, children are who they are. They don't hide themselves, only the truth occasionally when it's not on their side (haven't we all done that?).
It's only the transchildren who are pressured by their parents and siblings into not being themselves. These children learn to hide their innate sense of being in the clothes and behavior of their birth sex because it's expected. The will do this until they can open and express themselves as they've always known and felt. It's the sad reality parents don't see their children to help them than suppress, and some even oppress, them.
Rather than teaching love to their children, they're teaching the opposite, which will be expressed as angry, hate, and so on as they know and fear being discovered and the consequences. Worse so, they're teaching self-hate, which turns into other outlets to hide themselves. And this often leads to depression and all to often suicide, which is several times higher then non-trans children and teens.
But here we find a woman believing in her child to be themselves, and support that as best she knows, and facing all the problems of raising a daughter, an exceptional one at that. Thanks Jen for sharing.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Don't speak for me
I am tired of theses article and columns on "What is..." this or that type of sexual or gender identity. Like everyone has to inform the reader what sex and gender is all about. Kinda' like Sex and Gender 101. Well, it's just your opinion, as is mine on the same issue, but I don't speak for you and you don't speak for me. So stop trying to provide the definitive view of it because you think your understanding is right or better.
Yes, I know there are some obvious common language that fits the definition of sex and gender, but that's not the issue here. It's the definition of the terms, such as transgender and transsexual. There are as many definitions as Baskin-Robbins has had flavors in their history, and all are variations of many used before. Not even the medical community has common definitions outside of official books on standards such as the DSM.
And yes, I know I also define and use the terms and other words in the same idea, but it's always for the discussion and not meant for anything beyond that or for anyone else, just to ensure points and ideas in the essay are understandable. After that, the terms don't apply to anything or anyone else, not even me. Nothing more and nothing less. Not better or right, just mine then.
And yes, I have a fundamental definition I believe is fair and right for me, but that's it, just me. I don't expect anyone to accept my definitions, as I don't accept other people's definition. It's how I see myself, but I don't see others or think others should see themselves or see me. So, in the end, speak only for yourself. And don't speak for me.
Yes, I know there are some obvious common language that fits the definition of sex and gender, but that's not the issue here. It's the definition of the terms, such as transgender and transsexual. There are as many definitions as Baskin-Robbins has had flavors in their history, and all are variations of many used before. Not even the medical community has common definitions outside of official books on standards such as the DSM.
And yes, I know I also define and use the terms and other words in the same idea, but it's always for the discussion and not meant for anything beyond that or for anyone else, just to ensure points and ideas in the essay are understandable. After that, the terms don't apply to anything or anyone else, not even me. Nothing more and nothing less. Not better or right, just mine then.
And yes, I have a fundamental definition I believe is fair and right for me, but that's it, just me. I don't expect anyone to accept my definitions, as I don't accept other people's definition. It's how I see myself, but I don't see others or think others should see themselves or see me. So, in the end, speak only for yourself. And don't speak for me.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Backward thinking
After President Obama signed the Hate Crime bill Wednesday (10/28/09) adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of people protecting, the religious and conservative "family values" organization came out of the woodwork to market the idea that this is wrong, somehow against America and "normal" values. Oh, how backward thinking they are and how they never will understand, and that's because they don't want to, see the truth to their own false arguments.
What they preach is that these are additional values on top of the rest of the rights and protections we have as citizens, and it creates special rights and protections. Well, it does protect gay people and transpeople, no doubt, but those people are not identitifed in the Civil Rights Act for protections which the rest of us have. They're excluded by definition and therefore excluded from rights and protections based on who they are.
The religious and conservatives need to refresh their understanding of the law, because they have it backwards. They have been denying rights and protections to gay people and transpeople under any law, and specifically excluding them from any rights and protections we have based on being homosexual or transgender. That's not what faith is about, and certainly not what God and Jesus would preach, and it's not American.
It's pure and simple discrimination on their part. And their arguments are the stuff of cow pasture material, and not worth much else. It's based on falsehoods and misunderstandings, all intentional to confuse people from the truth. And lying in the name of God isn't good, right or fair. They know that and should apologize to the transpeople of this country for their bigotry and hatred.
They know God accepts everyone, whatever their faith or religion, whatever your values and views, and whatever your sense of being. They know God does understand human diversity and while maybe not liking the violence and injustices done by people, he will accept them to see they understand the errors of the ways and life.
And they know Jesus would sit down and cherish transpeople as he would everyone else, to speak of love and kindness, and to speak against the words of hate. They know it's about acceptance. They know that, and still they speak against other human beings who have done nothing wrong or anything against the word of God or the teachings of Jesus.
In the end when they die and meet God, God will admonish them for the hatred and will remind them how wrong they were to treat people like they did and how backwards thinking they were when the preached of hatred and bigotry. And all the transpeople will still be admitted to heaven in spite of all their misguided rants.
What they preach is that these are additional values on top of the rest of the rights and protections we have as citizens, and it creates special rights and protections. Well, it does protect gay people and transpeople, no doubt, but those people are not identitifed in the Civil Rights Act for protections which the rest of us have. They're excluded by definition and therefore excluded from rights and protections based on who they are.
The religious and conservatives need to refresh their understanding of the law, because they have it backwards. They have been denying rights and protections to gay people and transpeople under any law, and specifically excluding them from any rights and protections we have based on being homosexual or transgender. That's not what faith is about, and certainly not what God and Jesus would preach, and it's not American.
It's pure and simple discrimination on their part. And their arguments are the stuff of cow pasture material, and not worth much else. It's based on falsehoods and misunderstandings, all intentional to confuse people from the truth. And lying in the name of God isn't good, right or fair. They know that and should apologize to the transpeople of this country for their bigotry and hatred.
They know God accepts everyone, whatever their faith or religion, whatever your values and views, and whatever your sense of being. They know God does understand human diversity and while maybe not liking the violence and injustices done by people, he will accept them to see they understand the errors of the ways and life.
And they know Jesus would sit down and cherish transpeople as he would everyone else, to speak of love and kindness, and to speak against the words of hate. They know it's about acceptance. They know that, and still they speak against other human beings who have done nothing wrong or anything against the word of God or the teachings of Jesus.
In the end when they die and meet God, God will admonish them for the hatred and will remind them how wrong they were to treat people like they did and how backwards thinking they were when the preached of hatred and bigotry. And all the transpeople will still be admitted to heaven in spite of all their misguided rants.
Body Consciousness
I was struck the thought, which isn't rare but none to date have been really new, or news for that matter, that we all have a consciousness about our body, from really very little to the extreme, which isn't the vast majority of transpeople who want to be and live as the other sex and gender, with the exception of course of some like Amanda Lepore. But then she's extreme like many women who have undergone extensive and numerous cosmetic surgeries to change their body, face, and whatever else they don't like about themselves to be better accepted or beautiful.
What struck me was the consciousness of transpeople that makes their experience unique and separate from everyone else's experience. We all have some physical aspect of ourself we don't like, even hate, and wouldn't mind changing it. I'm no exception there as I was frequently reminded of what I wasn't when I was young. Being self-conscious about my body then would be an understatement. And it hasn't changed as I've aged, only the body getting older.
But what differentiates transpeople is the one thing about themselves no else experiences and can't understand why they want to change it. Simply their gentalia. It's what Jennifer Boylan described on the Oprah show once about the sex reassignment surgery all transwomen go through to become physicall (as medically possible) and legally female. All states require it to change your birth certificate, minus only two states to date which don't, Tennessee and Ohio.
Anyway, Jennifer Boylan explained why transwomen want a vagina to become as whole for themselves as women and female as possible, and to rid their body of the last vestage of maleness. When Oprah questioned why, Jennfer replied, "What would you do if you were born a boy with a penis?"
As you can imagine, Oprah said, "I'd cut it off!" All the explanation in the world about why won't match that one question, to translate their body consciousness to someone else in a way they can begin to understand. And that is the crux of the issue, if you can understand being born and living with your identity in the body of the opposite sex, then you know what's it like to be a transperson.
That's the defining part because the vast majority of men and women take their gentalia for granted. It's simply their innate sense of themselves and their body. They match. They may worry about other features but very rarely that, although some men and women have cosmetic surgery there too, but to fix or enhance the existing gentalia, not to change sex, but they don't know the feeling of hating being another sex.
And that's only that which makes transpeople different. Everything else is the same and why in the end we're all the same in just wanting to be comfortable in our own skin and with our own body. All they want is to be like everyone else where the body and mind are innately the same. That's not hard to understand, just being human and being yourself.
What struck me was the consciousness of transpeople that makes their experience unique and separate from everyone else's experience. We all have some physical aspect of ourself we don't like, even hate, and wouldn't mind changing it. I'm no exception there as I was frequently reminded of what I wasn't when I was young. Being self-conscious about my body then would be an understatement. And it hasn't changed as I've aged, only the body getting older.
But what differentiates transpeople is the one thing about themselves no else experiences and can't understand why they want to change it. Simply their gentalia. It's what Jennifer Boylan described on the Oprah show once about the sex reassignment surgery all transwomen go through to become physicall (as medically possible) and legally female. All states require it to change your birth certificate, minus only two states to date which don't, Tennessee and Ohio.
Anyway, Jennifer Boylan explained why transwomen want a vagina to become as whole for themselves as women and female as possible, and to rid their body of the last vestage of maleness. When Oprah questioned why, Jennfer replied, "What would you do if you were born a boy with a penis?"
As you can imagine, Oprah said, "I'd cut it off!" All the explanation in the world about why won't match that one question, to translate their body consciousness to someone else in a way they can begin to understand. And that is the crux of the issue, if you can understand being born and living with your identity in the body of the opposite sex, then you know what's it like to be a transperson.
That's the defining part because the vast majority of men and women take their gentalia for granted. It's simply their innate sense of themselves and their body. They match. They may worry about other features but very rarely that, although some men and women have cosmetic surgery there too, but to fix or enhance the existing gentalia, not to change sex, but they don't know the feeling of hating being another sex.
And that's only that which makes transpeople different. Everything else is the same and why in the end we're all the same in just wanting to be comfortable in our own skin and with our own body. All they want is to be like everyone else where the body and mind are innately the same. That's not hard to understand, just being human and being yourself.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
It escapes me
It escapes about marriages when one of the partners transistions. I was reading a forum where a women in transistion announced her (formerly his) wife was leaving her. And she was devasted. Like what didn't she see? This (in transistion) woman was dismayed her wife wan'ts as loving anymore and wasn't in love with her anymore. Like that's new or news?
I don't mean to be hard with these women but I'd baffled what they missed in understanding who and what their partner married and what they expected during their marriage. It wasn't a post-transistion lesbian marriage. Heterosexual women want to be married to men. To love and be loved by a man, not a post-transistion woman. What's not to understand?
And the transcommunity is always sorry about it. But no one wants to talk about the elephant in their marriage, like were you consciously blind or ignorant of the reality it's more than likely than not (like 90% or better) your marriage will end and your family disingrated into angry people, feeling betrayed by their husband and father. And it will take many years to resolve that, if ever.
I've been through a divorce, a very amicable one, but not for any transistion, just our lives and ourselves were so radically different we decided to let the other one find someone they would want to love and be loved. We've still been friends over the years after the divorce, and her second marriage. And we know we did the right thing.
But had either of us decided to transistion, it would simply be the choice of the other one to accept and make the decision to leave the marriage or stay with the new person. As much as transistioning women think it's only their body changes, everything changes, and everything between them and about them changes. What's not to see there?
But apparently it's easier to hope than see reality. It's easier to avoid the question to their partner, "What is best for you?" It's easier to just continue to think everyone will understand and everyone will adjust or adapt to what you want and who you become. Except it doesn't happen.
Then the truth and reality is standing there immediately in front of you as they turn the heads away and then turn their backs to you. And you are feel betrayed and unloved. Ok, that's understandable and lamentable. But it's not a fairy tale where everything works out and everyone lives happy ever after.
That's overstating the scenario because I know in-transistion women see and know what's going on. They have those conversations with their partner. But almost all of them subconsciously seem to think it will work out and their partner will be there through and after their transistion, and to want to stay married to them. It's about love, and it's always blind.
That's a sad reality but a true one. Transistions involve families, something often or frequently lost on those transistioning because the transistion takes so much time, energy and focus on it and everything around it, loved ones are just another factor in it. Important, but still not fully supported by those transistioning, which leads to the surprises by their partner and family.
This is all too often true across the lifestories of those transistioning and usually only seen in hindsight, when it should always be there, even above the transistion. It's why some don't transistion, despite the overwhelming feelings to transistion. They fear the loss of loved ones more. But this isn't commonly known because these people aren't visible or vocal.
And so we hear or read about another marriage dissolving from a transistion. Sympathy and empathy are helpful, but honesty would be better.
I don't mean to be hard with these women but I'd baffled what they missed in understanding who and what their partner married and what they expected during their marriage. It wasn't a post-transistion lesbian marriage. Heterosexual women want to be married to men. To love and be loved by a man, not a post-transistion woman. What's not to understand?
And the transcommunity is always sorry about it. But no one wants to talk about the elephant in their marriage, like were you consciously blind or ignorant of the reality it's more than likely than not (like 90% or better) your marriage will end and your family disingrated into angry people, feeling betrayed by their husband and father. And it will take many years to resolve that, if ever.
I've been through a divorce, a very amicable one, but not for any transistion, just our lives and ourselves were so radically different we decided to let the other one find someone they would want to love and be loved. We've still been friends over the years after the divorce, and her second marriage. And we know we did the right thing.
But had either of us decided to transistion, it would simply be the choice of the other one to accept and make the decision to leave the marriage or stay with the new person. As much as transistioning women think it's only their body changes, everything changes, and everything between them and about them changes. What's not to see there?
But apparently it's easier to hope than see reality. It's easier to avoid the question to their partner, "What is best for you?" It's easier to just continue to think everyone will understand and everyone will adjust or adapt to what you want and who you become. Except it doesn't happen.
Then the truth and reality is standing there immediately in front of you as they turn the heads away and then turn their backs to you. And you are feel betrayed and unloved. Ok, that's understandable and lamentable. But it's not a fairy tale where everything works out and everyone lives happy ever after.
That's overstating the scenario because I know in-transistion women see and know what's going on. They have those conversations with their partner. But almost all of them subconsciously seem to think it will work out and their partner will be there through and after their transistion, and to want to stay married to them. It's about love, and it's always blind.
That's a sad reality but a true one. Transistions involve families, something often or frequently lost on those transistioning because the transistion takes so much time, energy and focus on it and everything around it, loved ones are just another factor in it. Important, but still not fully supported by those transistioning, which leads to the surprises by their partner and family.
This is all too often true across the lifestories of those transistioning and usually only seen in hindsight, when it should always be there, even above the transistion. It's why some don't transistion, despite the overwhelming feelings to transistion. They fear the loss of loved ones more. But this isn't commonly known because these people aren't visible or vocal.
And so we hear or read about another marriage dissolving from a transistion. Sympathy and empathy are helpful, but honesty would be better.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
transistion or die
Reading the blogs and forums over Mike Penner - Christine Daniels' suicide, I keep reading about the (trans)people who faced the choice to "transistion or die." It's always interesting to read because they always say it in hindsight. I say always because those who succeed can't speak for themselves. But those who transistioned never talked about suicide, let alone attempt it, before or during their transistion.
So, it becomes a handy excuse or reason to transistion. I had to transistion because I would die. Really? I mean you lived to the moment you decided to transistion. You lived through your transistion. And you lived after your transistion. So, exactly where was this sense of suicide?
In truth it wasn't there. They may have talked about thoughts or feelings of suciide - note it's now a major aspect of anti-depressant warnings, but suicide is about a sense of failure. It's about being so depressed about yourself, and in your world and life, that you sense it's an answer. You can argue the rightness or wrongness of it, it's real at the time.
But it's only real in those who succeeded and the few who survived an attempt. And I suspect, it's less about their transistion, than fitting it into their life and world. They knew who they were, but they couldn't reconcile that with the rest of the world and everyone else in their life. There was no place for them.
Many argue transpeople fit into the suicide potential model, and it's true for some. But it's not true it fits into suicide, only those who attempt it and sadly those who succeed. Making suicide a reason doesn't make it right or make any decision you think is based on it right. Only handy to believe you made the right decision.
Understand, I'm not condeming those who use the term. It's helps knowing the decision to transistion was right. Only, it wasn't a reason to transistion. We choose to live and then we choose to transistion. It's disingenuous to use suicide as a reason when it was the choice we made than the excuse we use.
So, it becomes a handy excuse or reason to transistion. I had to transistion because I would die. Really? I mean you lived to the moment you decided to transistion. You lived through your transistion. And you lived after your transistion. So, exactly where was this sense of suicide?
In truth it wasn't there. They may have talked about thoughts or feelings of suciide - note it's now a major aspect of anti-depressant warnings, but suicide is about a sense of failure. It's about being so depressed about yourself, and in your world and life, that you sense it's an answer. You can argue the rightness or wrongness of it, it's real at the time.
But it's only real in those who succeeded and the few who survived an attempt. And I suspect, it's less about their transistion, than fitting it into their life and world. They knew who they were, but they couldn't reconcile that with the rest of the world and everyone else in their life. There was no place for them.
Many argue transpeople fit into the suicide potential model, and it's true for some. But it's not true it fits into suicide, only those who attempt it and sadly those who succeed. Making suicide a reason doesn't make it right or make any decision you think is based on it right. Only handy to believe you made the right decision.
Understand, I'm not condeming those who use the term. It's helps knowing the decision to transistion was right. Only, it wasn't a reason to transistion. We choose to live and then we choose to transistion. It's disingenuous to use suicide as a reason when it was the choice we made than the excuse we use.
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