It escapes me

It escapes about marriages when one of the partners transistions. I was reading a forum where a women in transistion announced her (formerly his) wife was leaving her. And she was devasted. Like what didn't she see? This (in transistion) woman was dismayed her wife wan'ts as loving anymore and wasn't in love with her anymore. Like that's new or news?

I don't mean to be hard with these women but I'd baffled what they missed in understanding who and what their partner married and what they expected during their marriage. It wasn't a post-transistion lesbian marriage. Heterosexual women want to be married to men. To love and be loved by a man, not a post-transistion woman. What's not to understand?

And the transcommunity is always sorry about it. But no one wants to talk about the elephant in their marriage, like were you consciously blind or ignorant of the reality it's more than likely than not (like 90% or better) your marriage will end and your family disingrated into angry people, feeling betrayed by their husband and father. And it will take many years to resolve that, if ever.

I've been through a divorce, a very amicable one, but not for any transistion, just our lives and ourselves were so radically different we decided to let the other one find someone they would want to love and be loved. We've still been friends over the years after the divorce, and her second marriage. And we know we did the right thing.

But had either of us decided to transistion, it would simply be the choice of the other one to accept and make the decision to leave the marriage or stay with the new person. As much as transistioning women think it's only their body changes, everything changes, and everything between them and about them changes. What's not to see there?

But apparently it's easier to hope than see reality. It's easier to avoid the question to their partner, "What is best for you?" It's easier to just continue to think everyone will understand and everyone will adjust or adapt to what you want and who you become. Except it doesn't happen.

Then the truth and reality is standing there immediately in front of you as they turn the heads away and then turn their backs to you. And you are feel betrayed and unloved. Ok, that's understandable and lamentable. But it's not a fairy tale where everything works out and everyone lives happy ever after.

That's overstating the scenario because I know in-transistion women see and know what's going on. They have those conversations with their partner. But almost all of them subconsciously seem to think it will work out and their partner will be there through and after their transistion, and to want to stay married to them. It's about love, and it's always blind.

That's a sad reality but a true one. Transistions involve families, something often or frequently lost on those transistioning because the transistion takes so much time, energy and focus on it and everything around it, loved ones are just another factor in it. Important, but still not fully supported by those transistioning, which leads to the surprises by their partner and family.

This is all too often true across the lifestories of those transistioning and usually only seen in hindsight, when it should always be there, even above the transistion. It's why some don't transistion, despite the overwhelming feelings to transistion. They fear the loss of loved ones more. But this isn't commonly known because these people aren't visible or vocal.

And so we hear or read about another marriage dissolving from a transistion. Sympathy and empathy are helpful, but honesty would be better.