How to be an Idiot

Yes, how to be a real Idiot, with a capitol I. An on-line advice columnist, Michael Alvear, wrote this answer in response to a question someone asked who was interested in an apparently obvious transwoman working at a Starbucks. First, since he doesn't know for sure and assuming somethings which may or may not be true, he's putting himself in the wrong frame of mind.

But mostly the answer was really stupid. First, the jokes were cruel and making a post-joke apology doesn't take away the joke. They were better left unsaid than his bad attempt to make transwomen the butt of some jokes. Second, the assumptions were far from reality. Maybe it's his reality but it's not the world's reality.

The answer should have been very easy, "Treat her like she is, a woman, a person and maybe a friend, and never ask "those" questions unless she feels ready to tell you. She is no different than any other woman. They all have their stories, and they all tell them in their time. So just be casual and let things go where they go. She is and that's all you need to start.

In short, they're people first as we all are and should be treated the same as making any new friend. You'll be surprised that her character, temperment and personality will quickly overwhelm anything about her past that seems curious, so focus on that and you'll be fine."

The sad truth is that men, when they think you're a transwoman, even if you're long post-transistion, always want to know about it, about the changes, like asking any woman about her personal and most intimate secrets on the first date. And while transwomen have their unique history from most but not all genetic women - as some women have undergone changes and surgeries for reason related to their genes or body, that doesn't make it topic number one in the conversation.

So why didn't he say that? He did but later in the response, when it should have been his first response. He tried to describe what he thought transwomen are like, like they all conform to a stereotype as we all do as people and more so as men or women. He gave all the things everyone says about them to tell you to forget what you think, except reiterating it only reinforces it.

So in the end, it seems anyone with any common sense would think, "Gee, maybe I should assume he's an idiot? He certainly showed he has the talent for being one." And he certainly didn't show an sense of humanity about transwomen. Would he have described a gay man or lesbian the same way? Offered generic advice about talking about the sexuality and intimate sexual affairs?

Common sense and wisdom would say the opposite, treat them and people. So treating transwomen as a joke or some stereotype is fair and right. Or only an idiot would think it was, like him?