The simple truth is that every transwoman wants one thing as she goes through her transition, and then when finished, gets on with her life. And that is to be able to do anything any woman does or can do and no one thinks any different of her than any other woman.
To be seen as just another woman doing what women do. And no one says, "But you're..." to tell them they're not a woman, or worse, they aren't a woman, can't be a woman, won't be a woman or will never be a woman, not because of their birth but because of who they are and how they are seen.
Being invisible as a woman among women. The simple truth and for many the hardest thing they do and likely will do their entire life.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Being Forgotten
Apparently transgender people don't count in California when it comes to reparative therapy for young people, at least if it's actually gender identity and not sexual orientation of the young person. That's what California just did with Senate Bill 1172, signed into law September 29, 2012.
While all the lesbian and gay people where championing this bill through the legislature and encouraging support from the greater LGBT community, they forgot to include banning reparative therapy for gender identity.
Why is that? Because the gay (men) community were in charge of this bill?
Lesbians gained here too but there is far less effort for therapists to change the sexual orientation of a young girl. But if the young person is transgender, then reparative therapy, long proven the same as homosexual reparative therapy as a bogus, then it's still legal?
It's still legal for parents to try and force their transgender child or youth into therapy for what? Did you not plan to consider inclusion of transgender reparative therapy in the bill all along? Did you really forget transgender people except to cite them in the bill but not include in the ban?
Why is this not just another example of why gay men hate transgender people, especially transgender women? Because this is another example.
And you wonder why you didn't get their support for this bill when you probably assumed it and expected transgender people to stand up and support it?
I forgot you, gay men, really don't care about any minority rights except your own. And here is shows, obvious and blatant. And maybe the courts will rule it invalid. Transpeole can hope, if only to teach you, gay men, a lesson in humility and inclusion.
Being deliberately forgotten isn't appreciated, again.
While all the lesbian and gay people where championing this bill through the legislature and encouraging support from the greater LGBT community, they forgot to include banning reparative therapy for gender identity.
Why is that? Because the gay (men) community were in charge of this bill?
Lesbians gained here too but there is far less effort for therapists to change the sexual orientation of a young girl. But if the young person is transgender, then reparative therapy, long proven the same as homosexual reparative therapy as a bogus, then it's still legal?
It's still legal for parents to try and force their transgender child or youth into therapy for what? Did you not plan to consider inclusion of transgender reparative therapy in the bill all along? Did you really forget transgender people except to cite them in the bill but not include in the ban?
Why is this not just another example of why gay men hate transgender people, especially transgender women? Because this is another example.
And you wonder why you didn't get their support for this bill when you probably assumed it and expected transgender people to stand up and support it?
I forgot you, gay men, really don't care about any minority rights except your own. And here is shows, obvious and blatant. And maybe the courts will rule it invalid. Transpeole can hope, if only to teach you, gay men, a lesson in humility and inclusion.
Being deliberately forgotten isn't appreciated, again.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
What sucks
What sucks is transwomen who reasonably to perfectly pass, especially with a minimum of makeup and good clothes tell nonpassing transwomen to just live with it and get out there in the world. Do these (passing) transwomen really know the embarrassment and often humilation nonpassing women face?
No they don't and that sucks for them to even suggest the other women to what men tell other men, to "man up" except in their case, it's "woman up" and be brave. Yeah, and when these women are asked to leave a store, restaurant or wherever, do the passing transwomen stand up and speak for them?
No, they don't since they don't want to out themselves. Passing has its privileges and it sucks when transwomen use them against other transwomen.
But you know what's even worse?
That's when your therapist tells you the same thing, to go out in public. It's called the real-life experience. To what face discrimination, ridicule and worse? Any therapist who says you have to go public even if you don't pass, then fire them and don't go back.
The world sucks bad enough, you don't need it piled on yourself for others. Be yourself and take your t transition as fits you and your schedule and life. Don't be pushed into anything you don't want to do or will feel bad.
Don't fuck yourself for others. That would suck the worst, when you do it to yourself, something you don't need. It leads to depression and all to often suicide for the feelings of failure of being, passing and living as you are and want to be.
It's good to be strong with yourself and your transition. Just be wise and smart with your courage and strength.
No they don't and that sucks for them to even suggest the other women to what men tell other men, to "man up" except in their case, it's "woman up" and be brave. Yeah, and when these women are asked to leave a store, restaurant or wherever, do the passing transwomen stand up and speak for them?
No, they don't since they don't want to out themselves. Passing has its privileges and it sucks when transwomen use them against other transwomen.
But you know what's even worse?
That's when your therapist tells you the same thing, to go out in public. It's called the real-life experience. To what face discrimination, ridicule and worse? Any therapist who says you have to go public even if you don't pass, then fire them and don't go back.
The world sucks bad enough, you don't need it piled on yourself for others. Be yourself and take your t transition as fits you and your schedule and life. Don't be pushed into anything you don't want to do or will feel bad.
Don't fuck yourself for others. That would suck the worst, when you do it to yourself, something you don't need. It leads to depression and all to often suicide for the feelings of failure of being, passing and living as you are and want to be.
It's good to be strong with yourself and your transition. Just be wise and smart with your courage and strength.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Hard To Explain
The hardest thing for a transwoman to explain to anyone who isn't transgender, especially cisgender women, is why you want sex affirmation surgery, or commonly called sex reassignment surgery and in some countries gender reassignment surgery.
Surprisingly, it's even hard to explain to some post-transition women who have had the surgery, especially if they had it years if not decades ago. But not because they don't understand the thoughts and feelings, but because they often don't believe you.
These are two different responses. Cisgender women, and I borrow this term from the transcommunity and the feminist community because it's used to distinguish females by birth according to their genes. This definition, however, excludes intersexed and mixed gene women, something almost always overlooked by those two communities.
But that's another issue. The issue here is explaining why you want "the surgery", because they always ask and never understand. They usually just feign some feeling with kind remarks or express some judgement about courage, but it's really just verbal candy.
The hardest thing explaining why you want the surgery is because our bodies, especially our sex organs are innate in our being. We can't think different that what we instinctively know which is our sex and gender.
So someone who says their body doesn't match their mind seems odd to others. While people simplify it to being their sex (male, female or intersex by birth or genes) doesn't match their gender (man, woman), that's really inadequate and defies the whole person.
The truth is our sex and gender encompass both our body and mind, both inextricably intertwined in our brain and throughout our body. We are both sex and gender from the top of our head to our toes and everything in between and inside.
We are, as they say, but we also know that the vast majority of people never feel any different from what our society has decided is normal for a boy/man or girl/woman, where it's physical, mental and emotional.
But that doesn't include, or more often forgotten, is gender indentity. It gets lost in the words because people can't explain it except to say they know who they are, and why they never will understand when people don't have that same feeling but one where there is a conflict.
And try as you can to explain the biology of it, that's it's not completely genetic, but it's more in the development of the fetus in the period between the time the body is sexed as male or female and the brain is gendered as boy or girl.
This occurs in the 3-6 month period where the whole array of genes, hormones, chemicals, enviroment, ad infinitum mix to develop the fetus, and where the sex and gender develop changes direction from what we might expect.
And from birth to childhood, the child doesn't see what others sees about themselves, but sees confusion within themselves, in their families, among their firends and in the world. All they know is that something feels wrong.
It's later in life, often in their older childhood, they realize the "wrong" isnt' themselves, their identity, but their body. They know who they are, and they know their body is wrong and what's between their legs is wrong.
And that's what can't be explained by the person or understood by others asking the questions about or wanting to know why they want the surgery. Sometimes the best you can do is ask them, "If you woke up tomorrow in the body of the other sex, with those sex organs, how would you feel and what would you do?"
But it really doesn't get them to understand even when they just say, "I'd get surgery to change it.", because they still don't know the feeling from birth to the day of your surgery and the life you have afterward.
It's also because they don't understand it's not just about the physicality of the sex organs. It's about everything associated with them, from what's expected of you as defined by your sex and not your gender, to how you're expected with others.
They don't know how innate it has been to feel wrong and to want to change it and all of that. They only know what they innately feel about themselves and know the what would be wrong in thought, but never in their mind, their heart and their soul.
They know themselves to be women because of their body and mind hasn't known anything else, as transwomen has known all their lives and simply want to feel whole as any woman innately knows. And why, despite all the talk about transitions, it always really is about the surgery.
And that's the hardest thing to explain, wanting to be whole. It's about the freedom to express your wholeness without having and fearing something to hide. You are as any woman has known since birth. And maybe that's the only thing other women understand.
Surprisingly, it's even hard to explain to some post-transition women who have had the surgery, especially if they had it years if not decades ago. But not because they don't understand the thoughts and feelings, but because they often don't believe you.
These are two different responses. Cisgender women, and I borrow this term from the transcommunity and the feminist community because it's used to distinguish females by birth according to their genes. This definition, however, excludes intersexed and mixed gene women, something almost always overlooked by those two communities.
But that's another issue. The issue here is explaining why you want "the surgery", because they always ask and never understand. They usually just feign some feeling with kind remarks or express some judgement about courage, but it's really just verbal candy.
The hardest thing explaining why you want the surgery is because our bodies, especially our sex organs are innate in our being. We can't think different that what we instinctively know which is our sex and gender.
So someone who says their body doesn't match their mind seems odd to others. While people simplify it to being their sex (male, female or intersex by birth or genes) doesn't match their gender (man, woman), that's really inadequate and defies the whole person.
The truth is our sex and gender encompass both our body and mind, both inextricably intertwined in our brain and throughout our body. We are both sex and gender from the top of our head to our toes and everything in between and inside.
We are, as they say, but we also know that the vast majority of people never feel any different from what our society has decided is normal for a boy/man or girl/woman, where it's physical, mental and emotional.
But that doesn't include, or more often forgotten, is gender indentity. It gets lost in the words because people can't explain it except to say they know who they are, and why they never will understand when people don't have that same feeling but one where there is a conflict.
And try as you can to explain the biology of it, that's it's not completely genetic, but it's more in the development of the fetus in the period between the time the body is sexed as male or female and the brain is gendered as boy or girl.
This occurs in the 3-6 month period where the whole array of genes, hormones, chemicals, enviroment, ad infinitum mix to develop the fetus, and where the sex and gender develop changes direction from what we might expect.
And from birth to childhood, the child doesn't see what others sees about themselves, but sees confusion within themselves, in their families, among their firends and in the world. All they know is that something feels wrong.
It's later in life, often in their older childhood, they realize the "wrong" isnt' themselves, their identity, but their body. They know who they are, and they know their body is wrong and what's between their legs is wrong.
And that's what can't be explained by the person or understood by others asking the questions about or wanting to know why they want the surgery. Sometimes the best you can do is ask them, "If you woke up tomorrow in the body of the other sex, with those sex organs, how would you feel and what would you do?"
But it really doesn't get them to understand even when they just say, "I'd get surgery to change it.", because they still don't know the feeling from birth to the day of your surgery and the life you have afterward.
It's also because they don't understand it's not just about the physicality of the sex organs. It's about everything associated with them, from what's expected of you as defined by your sex and not your gender, to how you're expected with others.
They don't know how innate it has been to feel wrong and to want to change it and all of that. They only know what they innately feel about themselves and know the what would be wrong in thought, but never in their mind, their heart and their soul.
They know themselves to be women because of their body and mind hasn't known anything else, as transwomen has known all their lives and simply want to feel whole as any woman innately knows. And why, despite all the talk about transitions, it always really is about the surgery.
And that's the hardest thing to explain, wanting to be whole. It's about the freedom to express your wholeness without having and fearing something to hide. You are as any woman has known since birth. And maybe that's the only thing other women understand.
Officially Not Sick
With the release of the new DSM-V, a person with gender identity issues is no longer officially sick, just not well, and still not normal. While some in the transgender community hail this as a, even only small, victory away from the stigma of a "disorder", some openly criticize it as insufficient toward the goal of removal from the DSM.
The reality is that the whole issue of gender identity is mostly, and to some almost completely, a semantic argument, words trying to define a small segment of normal people who express themselves differently than most people who believe their values, their morality and their standards defines normal.
The truth is normal is relative to time and place, and even in the United States, normal society standards have differed and changed over our histoyr with people and place. It has only been in the post World War II period when the standards we live with today were born in the people who were prominent in the 1950's.
Yes, our world about sex and gender was defined 60 years ago and while it's changed and everything else around it has changed, the fundamental values and standards have remained because of the legacy of those people still remains in the (older generation) people in charge and making decisions about other people because they like to play god with people, aka patients.
That's what the whole gender identity issue is about, morality and psychiatrist playing god with their morality. Extreme? Really? Not if you look at and consider the careers of some of those on the commitee and subcommitte charged with writing the new DSM standards on gender identity.
Why do they even think it's anything other people being normal expressing themselves? Because they have and can label people and claim control over them through the DSM. That's what the DSM is about, partially defining protocols for diagnoses and treatments, but mostly controlling access to medical care.
There's nothing mentally or emotionally wrong with people who have gender identity issues. What the DSM has failed to recognize and still doesn't recognize is that it's not the gender identity that's the problem, it's their body but most of all, it's the world they live in with ostracizes them as different, even not a person.
The fact and reality that some people are born with a conflict between their body of one sex and their mind the other gender isn't abnormal, just not common, but above all people with gender identity need help, not psychological labels and rules about what they can do to get treatment to be who they are and live they life they want.
It's not rocket science, it's human nature, and the DSM and medical community should be helping them than labelling and controlling them through access to the medical treatment which not only ameliorates the feelings but provides the treatment which resolves their internal conflict.
It's the simple idea long expressed by transpeople, but not seen by all but a few psychiatrists, it's not the mind that's wrong, it's the body. Fix the body and everything else improves. It's not rocket science, it's human nature, and most of all common sense.
And that shows where the problem lies, the medical community, specificially the psychiatrists and their DSM, and lies with the health insurance companies denying coverage for a condition long, and wrongly, labelled, not because there's anything wrong, but because it's their definition of normal.
No one with gender identity issues is sick, abnormal or anything other than human and normal, and the issues they have with the body is easily solvable with existing medical intervention long practiced for those who pass through the gates to get treatment, and of course either find a financial help, eg. employer, family, etc., or write their own checks.
And that's the sad reality, the vast majority of transitioning women don't have the money, don't have a good employer who pays for this, don't have the health insurance company which covers it, and don't have family or friends to help.
That's not sick, it's a tragedy, easily fixable like all the other probems with our healthcare and health insurance system. It's about politics, power, money and control, not human lives. And that's the greater tragedy of our country, the morality, about people's morality toward others they don't think are normal.
And it's all there written in the DSM. You need look no farther than it and the APA.
The reality is that the whole issue of gender identity is mostly, and to some almost completely, a semantic argument, words trying to define a small segment of normal people who express themselves differently than most people who believe their values, their morality and their standards defines normal.
The truth is normal is relative to time and place, and even in the United States, normal society standards have differed and changed over our histoyr with people and place. It has only been in the post World War II period when the standards we live with today were born in the people who were prominent in the 1950's.
Yes, our world about sex and gender was defined 60 years ago and while it's changed and everything else around it has changed, the fundamental values and standards have remained because of the legacy of those people still remains in the (older generation) people in charge and making decisions about other people because they like to play god with people, aka patients.
That's what the whole gender identity issue is about, morality and psychiatrist playing god with their morality. Extreme? Really? Not if you look at and consider the careers of some of those on the commitee and subcommitte charged with writing the new DSM standards on gender identity.
Why do they even think it's anything other people being normal expressing themselves? Because they have and can label people and claim control over them through the DSM. That's what the DSM is about, partially defining protocols for diagnoses and treatments, but mostly controlling access to medical care.
There's nothing mentally or emotionally wrong with people who have gender identity issues. What the DSM has failed to recognize and still doesn't recognize is that it's not the gender identity that's the problem, it's their body but most of all, it's the world they live in with ostracizes them as different, even not a person.
The fact and reality that some people are born with a conflict between their body of one sex and their mind the other gender isn't abnormal, just not common, but above all people with gender identity need help, not psychological labels and rules about what they can do to get treatment to be who they are and live they life they want.
It's not rocket science, it's human nature, and the DSM and medical community should be helping them than labelling and controlling them through access to the medical treatment which not only ameliorates the feelings but provides the treatment which resolves their internal conflict.
It's the simple idea long expressed by transpeople, but not seen by all but a few psychiatrists, it's not the mind that's wrong, it's the body. Fix the body and everything else improves. It's not rocket science, it's human nature, and most of all common sense.
And that shows where the problem lies, the medical community, specificially the psychiatrists and their DSM, and lies with the health insurance companies denying coverage for a condition long, and wrongly, labelled, not because there's anything wrong, but because it's their definition of normal.
No one with gender identity issues is sick, abnormal or anything other than human and normal, and the issues they have with the body is easily solvable with existing medical intervention long practiced for those who pass through the gates to get treatment, and of course either find a financial help, eg. employer, family, etc., or write their own checks.
And that's the sad reality, the vast majority of transitioning women don't have the money, don't have a good employer who pays for this, don't have the health insurance company which covers it, and don't have family or friends to help.
That's not sick, it's a tragedy, easily fixable like all the other probems with our healthcare and health insurance system. It's about politics, power, money and control, not human lives. And that's the greater tragedy of our country, the morality, about people's morality toward others they don't think are normal.
And it's all there written in the DSM. You need look no farther than it and the APA.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
If I Transitioned
No matter what age I was if I transitioned, I'd love to be 19 when I finished it, to have the full freedom of being a 19-year old woman with everything in front of me and all the freedom to be and express myself. Is there any better age and time to be if you transitioned?
Monday, December 3, 2012
The Illusion
Update.--Correction to last paragraph, my mistake.
Original Post.--The difference between (trans)women and other transgender women, meaning cross-dresssers, transvestites, etal, is the illusion. Women, genetic and trans, don't hide behind the illusion of their sex and gender.
Makeup and clothes makes them pretty or even beautiful, but it doesn't change what's underneath, a woman. All the rest of transgender women hide behind the illusion of makeup, clothes, behavior, mannerisms, etc. to appear like women.
But at the end of the day, they're not women underneath. That's the illusion they must have to pretend to be women. Women, genetic or trans, don't have to hide behind the illusion because they're always women.
And that's the differnce between the illusion of gender and the reality of it. Women, whether genetic, intersex or trans, just are. All others need the illusion to be, and only for awhile.
Original Post.--The difference between (trans)women and other transgender women, meaning cross-dresssers, transvestites, etal, is the illusion. Women, genetic and trans, don't hide behind the illusion of their sex and gender.
Makeup and clothes makes them pretty or even beautiful, but it doesn't change what's underneath, a woman. All the rest of transgender women hide behind the illusion of makeup, clothes, behavior, mannerisms, etc. to appear like women.
But at the end of the day, they're not women underneath. That's the illusion they must have to pretend to be women. Women, genetic or trans, don't have to hide behind the illusion because they're always women.
And that's the differnce between the illusion of gender and the reality of it. Women, whether genetic, intersex or trans, just are. All others need the illusion to be, and only for awhile.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Sad Reality
The sad reality that after just short of a year into your transition of taking hormone drugs, meaning Spironolactone and Estradiol, you come to the realization that you can't take hormones, the drugs have serious adverse effects on your mind and body.
You face the reality that you have gone and will go as far as hormones will change your mind and body to be a woman, which is not very much or very far, leaving you jealous and envious for all those who transition with hormones to see what it does to the body and mind.
You face the reality you can't transition any further on drugs. You face the reality that your presentation won't be any better than you are now. You face the reality people will only see what and who you are now, and not who you really are and want to be.
You face the reality, the sad reality, this is your transition. And you ask yourself, what now?
You face the reality that you have gone and will go as far as hormones will change your mind and body to be a woman, which is not very much or very far, leaving you jealous and envious for all those who transition with hormones to see what it does to the body and mind.
You face the reality you can't transition any further on drugs. You face the reality that your presentation won't be any better than you are now. You face the reality people will only see what and who you are now, and not who you really are and want to be.
You face the reality, the sad reality, this is your transition. And you ask yourself, what now?
Why
Why do we always know who we are because of the reality of our sex or gender? Why does everyone else think they know better for us? Think they know who we are, know what our sex or gender is? Think they know because of what they see. Think they know because it's what they've learned and believe. Think they know we're wrong about ourselves. When the one who's wrong is not us.
It Is Both
Both? What? Well, a transition is both personal and public. No matter how a woman transitions, she is on her own personal journey to a goal not known beyond tomorrow and hope. She is also on a public one because of not who she is as person or human being but what she is as a "transwoman", which doesn't really mean anything to her.
That's because the vast majority of women in transition don't consider themselves transgender or transsexual, or any term for that matter, but it leaves a vacuum which the public wants to know about them, "What are they." Not who are they as women, but what kind of woman, and more specifically, what kind of transwoman.
This doesn't happen with gay people. Everyone generally agrees what a gay man or lesbian is, it's common knowledge. But transgender or transsexual raises the whole spectrum of expressions and presentations where people generally pick one to apply to everyone, no matter if it's true or right. But it's not good.
So when any transwoman goes out the front door, they're always on that, the personal and public journey. Gay and lesbian people can be anyone, express or present themselves anyway they want, and we all seem to accommodate them to some degree, or most do as hate crimes persist.
That's because the vast majority of women in transition don't consider themselves transgender or transsexual, or any term for that matter, but it leaves a vacuum which the public wants to know about them, "What are they." Not who are they as women, but what kind of woman, and more specifically, what kind of transwoman.
This doesn't happen with gay people. Everyone generally agrees what a gay man or lesbian is, it's common knowledge. But transgender or transsexual raises the whole spectrum of expressions and presentations where people generally pick one to apply to everyone, no matter if it's true or right. But it's not good.
So when any transwoman goes out the front door, they're always on that, the personal and public journey. Gay and lesbian people can be anyone, express or present themselves anyway they want, and we all seem to accommodate them to some degree, or most do as hate crimes persist.
The Luck of Reality
The luck for any transwoman of any transition and their living relatively quietly stealth as women after the transition is the reality of their genes, meaning everything hinges on their ability to transition and pass. Yes, those words many in- and post-transition women argue aren't important. Well, only to the marginally to obviously non-passing ones.
Those who pass, do so and get on with their lives, where they walk away from the transcommunity. This point has been argued by some (mostly gay or transmen) but all anyone has to do is crunch the numbers of the number of SRS done for women in the US (here, Canada, and SE Asia) with the number of active or public post-transition women and you'll see there's a huge mismatch, an order of magnitude or more.
Anyway, that's wandering. My point is about the luck of our genes and the good or bad luck women transitioning have to get through their transition and have anything of a normal life as women without some or many problems being accepted, or maybe only silently accepted but then pretty much ignored to continue without notice.
Which is why some who only marginallly pass and those who don't pass most, if not almost all the time, are not just hesitant to come out and then go public. And why some don't even transition or become social hermits if they do.
And while all the people in the transcommunity argue they should come to because they'll have the support of the community, it's not that support they need. It's the acceptance of their family, their friends, their co-workers, and the public. If you don't pass there, then all the support from the transcommunity is useless.
It's why some, even later in life and especially older in life, get facial cosmetic surgery, for their own identity and for the ability to pass easier. It's why those who don't later in life and even older in life, not to be critical too much, don't pass without makeup.
A face of an ordinary woman without makeup, someone they see in the mirror as the woman they have always known themself to be, is often the life changing moment, just to be an ordinary looking woman without the fear of looks, stares, comments and words from others in public.
Sometimes it's what makes them whole, to lose who they saw everyday in the mirror, their old self, and to gain who they are, their new self. All the genes which defined their face can be overcome to a some, even a large, degree.
Then the mirror isn't their enemy and their life as the women they know and now see they are is ahead. The luck of genes and reality helps for transitioning women, they already see in the mirror everyday. The rest of transwomen have to mentally fight to see it, at least until they can change their face, overcome their genes and reality.
Those who pass, do so and get on with their lives, where they walk away from the transcommunity. This point has been argued by some (mostly gay or transmen) but all anyone has to do is crunch the numbers of the number of SRS done for women in the US (here, Canada, and SE Asia) with the number of active or public post-transition women and you'll see there's a huge mismatch, an order of magnitude or more.
Anyway, that's wandering. My point is about the luck of our genes and the good or bad luck women transitioning have to get through their transition and have anything of a normal life as women without some or many problems being accepted, or maybe only silently accepted but then pretty much ignored to continue without notice.
Which is why some who only marginallly pass and those who don't pass most, if not almost all the time, are not just hesitant to come out and then go public. And why some don't even transition or become social hermits if they do.
And while all the people in the transcommunity argue they should come to because they'll have the support of the community, it's not that support they need. It's the acceptance of their family, their friends, their co-workers, and the public. If you don't pass there, then all the support from the transcommunity is useless.
It's why some, even later in life and especially older in life, get facial cosmetic surgery, for their own identity and for the ability to pass easier. It's why those who don't later in life and even older in life, not to be critical too much, don't pass without makeup.
A face of an ordinary woman without makeup, someone they see in the mirror as the woman they have always known themself to be, is often the life changing moment, just to be an ordinary looking woman without the fear of looks, stares, comments and words from others in public.
Sometimes it's what makes them whole, to lose who they saw everyday in the mirror, their old self, and to gain who they are, their new self. All the genes which defined their face can be overcome to a some, even a large, degree.
Then the mirror isn't their enemy and their life as the women they know and now see they are is ahead. The luck of genes and reality helps for transitioning women, they already see in the mirror everyday. The rest of transwomen have to mentally fight to see it, at least until they can change their face, overcome their genes and reality.
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