Do Not Argue with Them

One rule I keep in mind on trans issues. Do not argue with anyone in the transcommunity about trans issues, especially activists, advocates, and those who like to express their opinion or argue with anyone on the issues. You won't win.

This is why I have this blog on trans issues, because I can say what I think or feel and then decide if any of the comments, which I rarely get anyway, are fit to keep. I can simply choose not to allow the post or delete the post completely (eBlogger has a delete and remove choices).

The reason I stopped arguing is that I tend to look at the larger picture of the trans community in the world, relative to where it fits in the larger discussion. A case in point is the case of the inmate in the Massachusetts prison on a life sentence being granted sex reassignment surgery at state expense.

I, as well as many in and out of the trans community, disagree with the judge's ruling, even though the inmate qualifies under the standards of care for the surgery, because he brutally killed his wife and the surgery is not life-threatening, one of the standards for healthcare for inmates.

But the louder voices are arguing the principle of the issue, the person qualifies and therefore should get the surgery, even though few of the rest of the transwomen who do qualify for the surgery get theirs paid by health insurance, employer or other public or taxpayer programs.

They argue that isn't the issue when it is the larger issue, about appropriate use of taxpayers' money for prisoners, especially those serving life sentences. The point being, no one budges on the their view, so discussion and debate are irrelevant. Intransigence is.

Another case is the always present issue of public bathrooms. Granted almost everyone agrees transwomen should have the right to use the women's restroom in public places and other public-use places (malls, stores, restaurants, etc.). And they fight when a transwomen is denied, rejected and especially arrested for trying.

Even when cross-dressers use them and the obvious or questionable passing transwoman (case in point) uses the women's restroom and unpleasant events happens, and the inevitable lawsuits follow. While the anti-use extremist argue wrongly about "men in dresses" being the dangers (they're not, people just want to do their business and leave), sometimes transwomen don't help make the case for the right.

But you can't argue that with activists and advocates. They believe it's a transwoman's right even if they're cross-dressers presenting as women or she's not overtly passable and raises questions if not concerns from women using the restroom. They believe other people, other women, have to understand and accept.

For me, it's the really big, fuzzy gray area. I'm not in full agreement about cross-dressers being allowed to choose the restroom unless it's pre-arranged to ensure they don't cause problems, and rarely does, only when it's obvious and not planned and agreed.

I say this because in- or post-transition women have enough issues and don't need to be confused with the other groups under the transgender umbrella or confused by the perception of people about who they are, meaning not often seen as women but as transvestites or cross-dressers.

I believe transwomen have rights when and where it's legal, but that alone doesn't remove the likelihood of problem where there are plenty of in-transition and some post-transition women who don't readily pass and only add to the problem with the issue.

Anyway, my point is arguing with trans activists or advocates is like sitting in a room full of people talking and no one listening let alone hearing anyone else. No one wins and the best choice is to get up and leave, and then live your own life as you see it.

I won't argue the positive things achieved by trans activists and advocates, but I will argue all too often they take and talk about themselves too seriously and too important, thinking they're a "voice" for transpeople. They're not.

This becomes worse when other transgender activists and advocates, the rest under the transgender umbrella, love to argue for inclusion and argue for the rights of all transgender people, using their own definitions and views for others who didn't choose them and don't want to belong to their view.

It's why the vast majority of transwomen disappear into society once they transition, for the same reasons I don't get involved, to put distance between themselve, their past and the trans community. Back of the napkin estimates put 80-90% of post-transition women don't recognize or aren't involved with the transcommunity.

It's the same with transitioning women. Their goal is to get through their transition and on with their life. Their focus is their life and career, to become legally female with the least number and severity of problems, so being active in the transcommunity and vocal on the issues isn't on their priority list.

They don't want the problems as most are publically quiet or stealth as possible and don't want to go back under the umbrella. Who does? And have to listen to the crowd under it? To be ignored? To be told who or what you are?

Yeah, it's the obvious answer. And me? I'll just keep my voice here thank you.