Looking in the mirror

It's what all transwomen do, look at the face in the mirror, to see if the face they've known all those years is the new face they want to be and live with. Some who are comfortable with makeup, namely drag queens, transvestities and cross-dressers, and some who transistion who use it for life, rely on the face in the mirror for confirmation.

And if you notice, it's how the media portrays transwomen in stories, dressed nicely with makeup and jewelry. It's what's expected of women, to want to be pretty with makeup and want to always worry about their looks. In the transcommunity, there are those transwomen, usually self-described as "girly girls." To them, it's often all about looks, especially the face.

But there also are also those who do it because it's part of life as a woman. It's not the reason, the need or the want, but the expected. This is true in many professions and jobs where clothes and presentations are standards, whether it's saleswomen in stores, managers in public roles, senior managers and executives with government, organizations and corporations.

In all those cases, it's about the face in the mirror, and how best to make it pretty for the day or situation. But it's not the way they normally live outside those situations. The majority of women today wear little if any makeup. A much smaller percentage wear it outside the workplace. And it's mostly two types.

The young women who wear it because it's part of their life. And the older women who wear it because it's part of their looks, and often necessary to get by. For themit's their face which isn't there without out it. It's what they want to see in the mirror, not liking what they see without it or wanting to look like someone else with it.

These are the transwomen who swear makeup, and the rest of the typical woman's world of clothes, fashion, jewelry, shopping, etc. is what women do because it's what women are. The criticize women who don't wear it and condemn transwomen who don't want to wear it. To them, it's often more about playing dressup than being a woman.

That's because very few make any real effort to be physically women, and it's why all the clothes, make and jewelry are necessary. It's a play to get away from being male and men than being women. The largest group under the transgender umbrella are cross-dressers when and where these standards apply.

But it's those who transistion who ignore those standards because it's not about playing women but about being women and the normal life of one. It's not the occasional day/night excurion, weekends, or even conferences to dress as a woman for awhile, but return to being male and a man who they are and live. It's the 24/7 life as all women live.

And that is where the face in the mirror is important. It's the one without makeup. It's about losing the face of their past and seeing the face they've always wanted. And makeup is optional as part of life, used when it fits, and not as a necessity when it doesn't. It's about being ordinary as a woman, and yes, it's all the plain and ordinary being of women.

It's also raises the question about transistions. The problem I've noticed with many post-transistion women is that they focused their transistion on their public presentation to get through the initial experience, often called the real-life experience and get to the sex reassignment surgery (or gender reassignment surgery in many countries). They want the vagina to be whole.

But they forget the face. Their face. Hormones make a lot of changes, obviously to body, and the less obviously to the face. This is where women split in their transistion. Some decide, either naively, blindly or intentionally, to see a face they want than the face they have. And despite all the information that the first thing people use to judge others is the face, especially for gender, they find themselves "clocked", and then angry.

They're angry they weren't seen as women and forgot their male-like face. And even with all the makeup in the world, you can't hide those features. The very face they saw in the mirror is the one which betrays them in public. And they didn't notice or want to notice. And they get angry at the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

It's also why many in transistion focus to get facial feminization surgery for a female face, often spending $25-30K for the work, including extensive bone work. And even then, it's a gamble. The resulting face may pass but won't pass their view of what they wanted to see. Realistic expectations often gets lost in the hope and wishes.

This is where the two groups divide. In their thinking, their transistions and their life after their transistion. The face in the mirror. To see what it is or what you want. To see it with reality or imagination. To see it without and then with makeup to be a woman in heart and mind reflected in the mirror, than hiding what you don't want to see.

In the end, the face others see is reflected in the mirror, and we can choose which we see.