There's far too much on the Internet for me to address the issue of women and clothes, but I'll add a small observation, which is about what's it is and worth, meaning there's more value in coffee at Starbucks and it last longer.
One thing women have is the freedom of clothes and one thing transwomen want is the freedom of clothes. A woman can make any clothes her clothes, there's no clothes that's off limits to women or their sense of fashion.
And before you think, "Wait, there's...", think again because there's already a feminine or woman's version of the same thing, even men's boxer shorts and briefs; women have already taken possession of them into the fashion and also made their own version of them. Check the fashion catalogs.
Anyway, the point is that a woman can fill her closet with any clothes and wear whatever fits her mood, interest or fancy for the moment, the day or whatever. Transwomen strive to be there during their transition, but often make one mistake.
One of the moments a transwoman values is the day she throws or gives away all her male clothes, often cited as the moment of losing their old self, but some transwomen have to keep some for times when they have to dress in "guy mode" for some situation or event where being their old self is expected or demanded.
What they forget is that, while ridding themselves of their old clothes as a symbol of ridding themselves of their old self, that many of their old clothes are quite useful and during and after their transition the clothes can become part of their wardrobe as women's fashion.
The key is that they'll be seen and treated as women so the clothes doesn't change what or who people see. While ridding themselves of the clothes, they're ridding themselves of the freedom of clothes, the freedom women have.
The freedom women have is the freedom with clothes, any clothes. Transwomen need to remember it before they trash all their old clothes. Memories are one thing when thinking about the old clothes, but memories can be remade when making them your new women's clothes.
This is because the world won't see your old self, only your new self, a woman, enjoying the freedom of clothes.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Reaching Milestones
There are times in a transition where you reach a milestone, often passed over and forgotten but to some they become points in time when you find affirmation of your direction, goals and journey of your transition, and what lies ahead.
One of those milestones isn't a milestone for some as it's about passing without cosmetic facial surgery. Many, especially younger transwomen go through their transition relatively easily in public because they pass from their natural beauty, electrolysis and the effects of hormone drugs.
Some transwomen, however, don't pass as the feature everyone uses to instinctively judge the gender of a person, the face, doesn't pass for a moment. It might be from genetics, age, whatever, they just don't pass without cosmetic facial surgery.
And for them, the milestone where the hormone drugs have reached the end of their effects where little changes for continued use and if they want to pass in public and live fulltime comfortably without those moments of being outed is the moment they write the check and go in for the surgery.
But for many of them that milestone is probably the biggest moment, both the decision and the surgery, in their transition, and it's often the hardest, because the surgery alone costs $20,000 and more, often in the $40-50,000 catagory for the best surgeon or extensive work.
That's the milestone which almost always halts a transition where the transwoman faces the reality of their being and the reality of money. The surgery is always considered cosmetic (obviously) and not covered by insurance (none for anyone).
And it's the moment the vast majority will go in debt or use other money (saving, equity, etc.) to pay for the surgery. That's because it's not about the money, it's about a life, their life and their future as a woman. But for some the money isn't there except sometime in the future.
That's when they face the reality of living where they have been and don't want to continue, in between their old self and their new self, and have to find a way to survive with the least amount of problems. It's often used by therapist as the "real life experience."
It's this time and experience which escapes me why therapists put their patients in harm's way by mandating this as part of the "treatment", to put them in the public fully knowing they don't pass, won't be easily accepted and will be denied being treated as a woman.
It doesn't change the milestone, it's always there, it's just a matter of when and how it's paid. There's no if as there was never a doubt, just the finality of the decision. But it's also the hardest as it changes their face forever, from who they were to who they are.
Every transwoman who knows the surgery is a must expects to reach this milestone, until they get there and find themselves at the moment in hopes the money is there, and if not, where it can be found, if it can be found. They've already found themselves.
And it's why this milestone is about the money, but it's not about the money.
One of those milestones isn't a milestone for some as it's about passing without cosmetic facial surgery. Many, especially younger transwomen go through their transition relatively easily in public because they pass from their natural beauty, electrolysis and the effects of hormone drugs.
Some transwomen, however, don't pass as the feature everyone uses to instinctively judge the gender of a person, the face, doesn't pass for a moment. It might be from genetics, age, whatever, they just don't pass without cosmetic facial surgery.
And for them, the milestone where the hormone drugs have reached the end of their effects where little changes for continued use and if they want to pass in public and live fulltime comfortably without those moments of being outed is the moment they write the check and go in for the surgery.
But for many of them that milestone is probably the biggest moment, both the decision and the surgery, in their transition, and it's often the hardest, because the surgery alone costs $20,000 and more, often in the $40-50,000 catagory for the best surgeon or extensive work.
That's the milestone which almost always halts a transition where the transwoman faces the reality of their being and the reality of money. The surgery is always considered cosmetic (obviously) and not covered by insurance (none for anyone).
And it's the moment the vast majority will go in debt or use other money (saving, equity, etc.) to pay for the surgery. That's because it's not about the money, it's about a life, their life and their future as a woman. But for some the money isn't there except sometime in the future.
That's when they face the reality of living where they have been and don't want to continue, in between their old self and their new self, and have to find a way to survive with the least amount of problems. It's often used by therapist as the "real life experience."
It's this time and experience which escapes me why therapists put their patients in harm's way by mandating this as part of the "treatment", to put them in the public fully knowing they don't pass, won't be easily accepted and will be denied being treated as a woman.
It doesn't change the milestone, it's always there, it's just a matter of when and how it's paid. There's no if as there was never a doubt, just the finality of the decision. But it's also the hardest as it changes their face forever, from who they were to who they are.
Every transwoman who knows the surgery is a must expects to reach this milestone, until they get there and find themselves at the moment in hopes the money is there, and if not, where it can be found, if it can be found. They've already found themselves.
And it's why this milestone is about the money, but it's not about the money.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Stealth
Why do women who pass after their transition discover being stealth is perfect and walk away from anything transgender, even their closest friends during their transition?
Yeah, the answer is obvious, and something almost all of them do, be stealth as much as you can be stealth (it's not 100%) because it's not just what the society considers normal, being a woman, but what they consider normal, being a woman.
They know not being stealth after your transition is the worst way to live and always being labelled transgender is the worst name to be called. Living stealth avoids all of it, and only those they choose to know or those who need to know will know the truth about them.
Yeah, the answer is obvious, and why is the easiest and simplest choice, and always the best choice.
Being stealth is being quietly invisible as a woman and away from the transgender community. No one wants to go back. No post-transition woman wants to go back to being transgender in the eyes of everyone and being a label to the transcommunity.
Yeah, the answer is obvious, so why does the transcommunity and the transactivists keep demanding being stealth isn't right when they know it is right for the person? Who wants to stand in the spotlight after years of their transition to be who they were and not who they are?
Yeah, the answer is obvious. It's just being a woman.
Yeah, the answer is obvious, and something almost all of them do, be stealth as much as you can be stealth (it's not 100%) because it's not just what the society considers normal, being a woman, but what they consider normal, being a woman.
They know not being stealth after your transition is the worst way to live and always being labelled transgender is the worst name to be called. Living stealth avoids all of it, and only those they choose to know or those who need to know will know the truth about them.
Yeah, the answer is obvious, and why is the easiest and simplest choice, and always the best choice.
Being stealth is being quietly invisible as a woman and away from the transgender community. No one wants to go back. No post-transition woman wants to go back to being transgender in the eyes of everyone and being a label to the transcommunity.
Yeah, the answer is obvious, so why does the transcommunity and the transactivists keep demanding being stealth isn't right when they know it is right for the person? Who wants to stand in the spotlight after years of their transition to be who they were and not who they are?
Yeah, the answer is obvious. It's just being a woman.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
To Some
To some during and after their transition, it really is about what people see and think about them. It's not about clothes. It's not about presentation. It's about being seen as a woman no matter how their dressed and no matter if they're wearing makeup or not.
It's about just being who they are as a woman. Call it passing, call it acceptance, or even call it tolerance, it's all irrelevant. It's about being invisible as a woman among women. To some it's what it's all about since they already know who they are and have long accepted it.
To some it's not about being pretty, not about presenting as fashionable or professional, not about attacting attention as a woman. It's about quietly being among people without a worry about being themself, without a reason to fear someone will notice and question or comment, and without facing discrimination or worse.
To some it's about just getting through life, their life in the world, and they can live their life as they want and enjoy everything else in the world. To some, happiness is just smiling at being invisible.
It's about just being who they are as a woman. Call it passing, call it acceptance, or even call it tolerance, it's all irrelevant. It's about being invisible as a woman among women. To some it's what it's all about since they already know who they are and have long accepted it.
To some it's not about being pretty, not about presenting as fashionable or professional, not about attacting attention as a woman. It's about quietly being among people without a worry about being themself, without a reason to fear someone will notice and question or comment, and without facing discrimination or worse.
To some it's about just getting through life, their life in the world, and they can live their life as they want and enjoy everything else in the world. To some, happiness is just smiling at being invisible.
Reaching the End
When transpeople get approved for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), which can take months going through the process for the appointments for the initial prescription, they feel it's the start of their transition.
They may or may not have lived as the gender they know who they are, depending on their situation and requirement for HRT (yes, some programs require living as women first, which escapes me why when it has nothing to do with one's gender identity, just their public presentation).
They may or may not have come out to anyone but a few people, usually family or close friends, as some work through the initial process just with medical professional first to ensure everything is approved to transition before coming out to others.
But once they start HRT, they usually feel it's the right road and feel it will make them into something new. Well, it may and may not, because there is the idea of diminishing returns on HRT, meaning the longer you take HRT, the less the effect of the drugs after awhile and the more you take produces less change from the drugs.
This means there is a point where the time on HRT and the dosage of the HRT drugs reaches an optimium and then lessens over time when the continued use of the same dosage or any increase in the dosage won't produce more changes.
This is totally dependent on your body's response to HRT, the your body's capacity for change with HRT, and your body's reaction to or tolerance of HRT. Some people respond well to "normal" dosage, some need higher dosages and some don't tolerate HRT beyond more than a minimal dosage.
That's why you have to monitor your physical and mental health on HRT to ensure you aren't doing more harm than good. You have to monitor your physical health, your mental and emotional health and your body for adverse reactions or changes.
But through it all there will be a point when you've reached the end of the HRT's changes for you, or at least where you only need a sustaining dosage to keep what changes you have, which is often a lower dosage since the necessary basic change in your hormone levels has been achieved.
This may occur early in the transition if the person takes a high dosage, usually 2-3 years, longer on lower dosage for personal choice, and it may take more years if the person has to take the lowest dosage to prevent damaging side effects.
But there always is an end, and the reality there is no more help from HRT, and the person has to decide what's next in their transition. Some may have made the decision earlier with cosmetic surgery, but most don't because of the expense of surgery. Either way, it doesn't change the end.
And this is my point, start HRT knowing there is an end, and be realistic about your expectations from HRT. Remember it's about your life and your future. HRT won't guarrantee that, only help along the way to becoming who you are.
They may or may not have lived as the gender they know who they are, depending on their situation and requirement for HRT (yes, some programs require living as women first, which escapes me why when it has nothing to do with one's gender identity, just their public presentation).
They may or may not have come out to anyone but a few people, usually family or close friends, as some work through the initial process just with medical professional first to ensure everything is approved to transition before coming out to others.
But once they start HRT, they usually feel it's the right road and feel it will make them into something new. Well, it may and may not, because there is the idea of diminishing returns on HRT, meaning the longer you take HRT, the less the effect of the drugs after awhile and the more you take produces less change from the drugs.
This means there is a point where the time on HRT and the dosage of the HRT drugs reaches an optimium and then lessens over time when the continued use of the same dosage or any increase in the dosage won't produce more changes.
This is totally dependent on your body's response to HRT, the your body's capacity for change with HRT, and your body's reaction to or tolerance of HRT. Some people respond well to "normal" dosage, some need higher dosages and some don't tolerate HRT beyond more than a minimal dosage.
That's why you have to monitor your physical and mental health on HRT to ensure you aren't doing more harm than good. You have to monitor your physical health, your mental and emotional health and your body for adverse reactions or changes.
But through it all there will be a point when you've reached the end of the HRT's changes for you, or at least where you only need a sustaining dosage to keep what changes you have, which is often a lower dosage since the necessary basic change in your hormone levels has been achieved.
This may occur early in the transition if the person takes a high dosage, usually 2-3 years, longer on lower dosage for personal choice, and it may take more years if the person has to take the lowest dosage to prevent damaging side effects.
But there always is an end, and the reality there is no more help from HRT, and the person has to decide what's next in their transition. Some may have made the decision earlier with cosmetic surgery, but most don't because of the expense of surgery. Either way, it doesn't change the end.
And this is my point, start HRT knowing there is an end, and be realistic about your expectations from HRT. Remember it's about your life and your future. HRT won't guarrantee that, only help along the way to becoming who you are.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Transition Later
The problem with transitioning later in life, as many have done of late since there is a lot more freedomn, support, services and resources along with laws for rights and protections and with health insurance coverage for some if not all of the transition, is one thing.
You don't get to experience the fun and joy of being a young women with the freedom to be and live. You don't have those experiences to remember, just the struggle and frustration of living as a young man wanting not to be like that but just another young woman.
While you don't have the experience of the risk and dangers of being a girl and young woman, you didn't get the freedom to explore clothes, friends, and just having fun.
While you have the privilege, and responsibilities and obligations of being a man, you didn't get the experience of being a woman trying to strive for your goals and future, all the restrictions, limitations and all women had then and have now.
While your life would have been different being a woman, you would also have been different being yourself, sheer freedom of being and living. Something you didn't have and know to tell those who want to transition these days, do it soon while you're young and put your past behind you and put your life ahead of you.
And all you can do now is wonder what if while making the most of the time you have now as a woman. But then, that beats the alternative of not trying and wondering, still, what if.
You don't get to experience the fun and joy of being a young women with the freedom to be and live. You don't have those experiences to remember, just the struggle and frustration of living as a young man wanting not to be like that but just another young woman.
While you don't have the experience of the risk and dangers of being a girl and young woman, you didn't get the freedom to explore clothes, friends, and just having fun.
While you have the privilege, and responsibilities and obligations of being a man, you didn't get the experience of being a woman trying to strive for your goals and future, all the restrictions, limitations and all women had then and have now.
While your life would have been different being a woman, you would also have been different being yourself, sheer freedom of being and living. Something you didn't have and know to tell those who want to transition these days, do it soon while you're young and put your past behind you and put your life ahead of you.
And all you can do now is wonder what if while making the most of the time you have now as a woman. But then, that beats the alternative of not trying and wondering, still, what if.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Some Good Advice
To all pre- and early-HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) women,
Do yourself the biggest favor of your life, take HRT under the care of a trans-experienced physician or endrochronologist who will recommend if not require routine blood tests, every 4-6 months to start and annually after that. It can and will save your life.
But more importantly monitor your phsical and mental health once you start for several reasons, but mostly because these are powerful drugs, especially on younger people, but while less so with older people, the side effects can be worse from age.
The reason is that despite all the personal stories and experiences you hear, read or know of others who are transitioning or have transitioned, your reaction and result will be different, which is a result of your genetic makeup.
This is because Spironolactone depresses the body's metabolism which is in part why you gain weight and fat and lose muscle. You should find a way to stay fit for your body type and age, which means changing to exercise which uses muscles than builds them, to use up the fat your body will want to add.
This is also because Spironolactone can excerbate feeling excessively tired if they struggle to maintain any reasonable level of activity or fitness. And it will be harder to come back to your former health and fitness. This is why you should monitor you overall energy and activity level.
This is because Estradiol will have a range of mental and emotional effects on the individual. This is good for the positive effects and key if you are susceptible to depression when and where Estradiol can excerbate depression or other mental or emotional conditions.
The effects Estradiol will take time, slowly affecting the person where weeks or months later it become obvious and it will take time to recover once you reduce the dosage or stop altogether, which is what you should consider doing to avoid worsening effects.
This is why you need to monitor both your body and your mind. It doesn't matter what your goal is with your transition, it's not worth trashing your physical and mental health and fitness in the process. The physician should prioritize your transition in order as your life, your health, your fitness and then your transition.
Without the first three, a transition won't succeed. You may get through it but what and who will you be then, less healthly, less fit and with what kind of life? You have time with your transition to get through it with your health, fitness and the life you want to live into the future.
Take care of yourself first, HRT can and should fit into it. It's your life, make it worth it.
Do yourself the biggest favor of your life, take HRT under the care of a trans-experienced physician or endrochronologist who will recommend if not require routine blood tests, every 4-6 months to start and annually after that. It can and will save your life.
But more importantly monitor your phsical and mental health once you start for several reasons, but mostly because these are powerful drugs, especially on younger people, but while less so with older people, the side effects can be worse from age.
The reason is that despite all the personal stories and experiences you hear, read or know of others who are transitioning or have transitioned, your reaction and result will be different, which is a result of your genetic makeup.
This is because Spironolactone depresses the body's metabolism which is in part why you gain weight and fat and lose muscle. You should find a way to stay fit for your body type and age, which means changing to exercise which uses muscles than builds them, to use up the fat your body will want to add.
This is also because Spironolactone can excerbate feeling excessively tired if they struggle to maintain any reasonable level of activity or fitness. And it will be harder to come back to your former health and fitness. This is why you should monitor you overall energy and activity level.
This is because Estradiol will have a range of mental and emotional effects on the individual. This is good for the positive effects and key if you are susceptible to depression when and where Estradiol can excerbate depression or other mental or emotional conditions.
The effects Estradiol will take time, slowly affecting the person where weeks or months later it become obvious and it will take time to recover once you reduce the dosage or stop altogether, which is what you should consider doing to avoid worsening effects.
This is why you need to monitor both your body and your mind. It doesn't matter what your goal is with your transition, it's not worth trashing your physical and mental health and fitness in the process. The physician should prioritize your transition in order as your life, your health, your fitness and then your transition.
Without the first three, a transition won't succeed. You may get through it but what and who will you be then, less healthly, less fit and with what kind of life? You have time with your transition to get through it with your health, fitness and the life you want to live into the future.
Take care of yourself first, HRT can and should fit into it. It's your life, make it worth it.
Monday, November 12, 2012
The Difference
What's the difference between crossdressers and in-transition and especially post-transition women?
Crossdressers focus on the clothes, mostly dressing up, even if it's just a day around the home, a few errands, whatever, but especially parties, meetings, events. They identify as male-bodied and -born men (notice women crossdressing is fashion and part of society).
They seek their "feminine side" and buy and adjust the clothes to fit the body. They use makeup to hide facial hair (note a few do go through facial hair removal) and makeup to make themselves think they're pretty. Not women mind you, but a caricature of women.
They like to pretend their women without wanting to be one let alone living like one. That's not their goal. Their goal is simply a hobby around clothes and makeup. Nothing more, just a hobby, playing women and pretending they are a woman without really wanting to be one.
Crossdressers always go to work as men on Mondays. They're usually married, often with children or families, and relish in their male privilege in life and work. The last thing they want is to actually be a woman. It's their last thought and worst fear.
Transwomen want the body of a woman. It's why they go through the medical process to get and take hormone replacement therapy, some get cosmetic facial surgery and/or breast implants, but always to get the sex affirmation surgery, common known as sex reassignment surgery.
Transwomen buy the clothes to be who they are. They'll work on the body being female, being normal as possible if they were born female. That's their goal, the body, and the clothes are there to express the body and the mind.
They wear clothes as normal women wear clothes, for the situation and occasion. They live as women because they are women, and the clothes are the expression of themselves as women, whether it's just working around the home, living, working or going out, it's always appropriate and normal, even ordinary.
Transwomen want to be invisible in the ordinary world of women. You can't tell them from other women because they are just like other women. They are, live, work, and go through life as every woman. It's who they are.
That's the difference. Being and living as a woman versus pretending to be one with clothes and makeup. The reality of being a woman versus the fantasy to be one. One never wants to be a woman and the other always wanted to be woman.
What's not to understand about that? And you wonder why they often don't agree with each other?
Crossdressers focus on the clothes, mostly dressing up, even if it's just a day around the home, a few errands, whatever, but especially parties, meetings, events. They identify as male-bodied and -born men (notice women crossdressing is fashion and part of society).
They seek their "feminine side" and buy and adjust the clothes to fit the body. They use makeup to hide facial hair (note a few do go through facial hair removal) and makeup to make themselves think they're pretty. Not women mind you, but a caricature of women.
They like to pretend their women without wanting to be one let alone living like one. That's not their goal. Their goal is simply a hobby around clothes and makeup. Nothing more, just a hobby, playing women and pretending they are a woman without really wanting to be one.
Crossdressers always go to work as men on Mondays. They're usually married, often with children or families, and relish in their male privilege in life and work. The last thing they want is to actually be a woman. It's their last thought and worst fear.
Transwomen want the body of a woman. It's why they go through the medical process to get and take hormone replacement therapy, some get cosmetic facial surgery and/or breast implants, but always to get the sex affirmation surgery, common known as sex reassignment surgery.
Transwomen buy the clothes to be who they are. They'll work on the body being female, being normal as possible if they were born female. That's their goal, the body, and the clothes are there to express the body and the mind.
They wear clothes as normal women wear clothes, for the situation and occasion. They live as women because they are women, and the clothes are the expression of themselves as women, whether it's just working around the home, living, working or going out, it's always appropriate and normal, even ordinary.
Transwomen want to be invisible in the ordinary world of women. You can't tell them from other women because they are just like other women. They are, live, work, and go through life as every woman. It's who they are.
That's the difference. Being and living as a woman versus pretending to be one with clothes and makeup. The reality of being a woman versus the fantasy to be one. One never wants to be a woman and the other always wanted to be woman.
What's not to understand about that? And you wonder why they often don't agree with each other?
Sunday, November 11, 2012
What's Wrong Here
What's wrong with this editorial cartoon?
If you can't see it, then you're part of the problem. Hint, it's what this blog is about, transgender people. Where is the checkbox for gender differences? If it's missing then it's ok to taunt, harrass, and abuse transgender children and young people?
Yes, I know, an oversight, a mental mistake. But that's the problem, transgender children and young people are often forgotten in the anti-bullying effort or consider gay or lesbian and therefore covered. Or maybe thinks they're "Funny Looking"? Not.
They are themselves as any child or young person. They're not invisible. They face taunting, harrassment and abuse by others for just being who they are. It's easy to hide being gay or lesbian. It's not easy to hide being a transgender person, you wear the obviousness everyday.
While I applaud this cartoon, the artist needs to correct it, or else he's as guilty as the worst of the opposition, ignoring transgender people in the face of the violence against them.
Yes, I know, an oversight, a mental mistake. But that's the problem, transgender children and young people are often forgotten in the anti-bullying effort or consider gay or lesbian and therefore covered. Or maybe thinks they're "Funny Looking"? Not.
They are themselves as any child or young person. They're not invisible. They face taunting, harrassment and abuse by others for just being who they are. It's easy to hide being gay or lesbian. It's not easy to hide being a transgender person, you wear the obviousness everyday.
While I applaud this cartoon, the artist needs to correct it, or else he's as guilty as the worst of the opposition, ignoring transgender people in the face of the violence against them.
To the Media
Dear Media,
When you talk about LGBT issues and people, will you please get the facts right, being a gay or lesbian person is not the same as being a transgender person which is not the same as being genderqueer or androgynous. They are all different types of people, so stop equating gay and lesbian people with transgender people as if they are the same.
It's true transgender people can be gay or lesbian, and in fact many are, but the number is small compared to non-transgender gay and lesbian people, especially children and young people. But it's not about saying the blanket term covers all of them, it doesn't.
Throwing a blanket over gay and lesbian people won't begin to cover transgender people, and it won't cover all genderqueer or androgynous people. It is about semantics, and as journalists you should know and exercise the difference.
But then I know I'm talking to a brick wall as you don't pay attention and don't really care enough to do the right thing and be correct with your words. You only want the story told, only want your opinion heard, and only want people to remember you.
It's not about the people, which is why I'm talking to deaf ears and silent pens. But tell that to all the transgender people you confuse with gay and lesbian people. They know who they are, you can't change that, but you can be correct about them.
When you talk about LGBT issues and people, will you please get the facts right, being a gay or lesbian person is not the same as being a transgender person which is not the same as being genderqueer or androgynous. They are all different types of people, so stop equating gay and lesbian people with transgender people as if they are the same.
It's true transgender people can be gay or lesbian, and in fact many are, but the number is small compared to non-transgender gay and lesbian people, especially children and young people. But it's not about saying the blanket term covers all of them, it doesn't.
Throwing a blanket over gay and lesbian people won't begin to cover transgender people, and it won't cover all genderqueer or androgynous people. It is about semantics, and as journalists you should know and exercise the difference.
But then I know I'm talking to a brick wall as you don't pay attention and don't really care enough to do the right thing and be correct with your words. You only want the story told, only want your opinion heard, and only want people to remember you.
It's not about the people, which is why I'm talking to deaf ears and silent pens. But tell that to all the transgender people you confuse with gay and lesbian people. They know who they are, you can't change that, but you can be correct about them.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Imagine
Imagine getting both a trans-experienced therapist and a physician who approves you for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), and a few months into it you discover your body can't tolerate it, only the lowest dosage which has little if any effect on your body.
Imagine Spirolactone crashes your body and your metabolism and makes you tired all the time, and Estradiol causes depression, forgetfulness and makes you mentally fuzzy all the time. Imagine there is nothing you can do to change the reality you can't take HRT.
Imagine trying to transition without it, trying to explain to everyone who you are, how you want to live your life, and who you want to be and there's nothing the therapist, the physician and all the medical science can do to help.
Imagine you can't see the changes HRT brings because you can't take it. Imagine everyone else can't see the changes either and won't or can't believe you because there are no changes.
Imagine all you have is who you are now and only the prospect of your surgery someday.
Imagine that's all you had, reality and hope. What do you tell yourself? What would you do?
Imagine Spirolactone crashes your body and your metabolism and makes you tired all the time, and Estradiol causes depression, forgetfulness and makes you mentally fuzzy all the time. Imagine there is nothing you can do to change the reality you can't take HRT.
Imagine trying to transition without it, trying to explain to everyone who you are, how you want to live your life, and who you want to be and there's nothing the therapist, the physician and all the medical science can do to help.
Imagine you can't see the changes HRT brings because you can't take it. Imagine everyone else can't see the changes either and won't or can't believe you because there are no changes.
Imagine all you have is who you are now and only the prospect of your surgery someday.
Imagine that's all you had, reality and hope. What do you tell yourself? What would you do?
Thursday, November 8, 2012
To Gay Men
To gay men in the LGBT community,
From the outcome of the 2012 election results, some comments when hearing you shout gains for LGBT people.
Do not use LGBT for LGB issues which passed and people elected, unless transgender people are included in the result. Same sex marriage only works for those transpeople who are gay or lesbian, not straight. It doesn't help them if they're still transgender.
Do not use LGBT when the elected official is gay or lesbian. They're not transgender.
Do not use LGBT for political gains that isn't transgender inclusive and may even be transgender exclusive because it only benefited LGB people.
Do not stand up and shout LGBT unless it's all LGBT people. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. Transgender people don't want to hear you if they're not included.
From the outcome of the 2012 election results, some comments when hearing you shout gains for LGBT people.
Do not use LGBT for LGB issues which passed and people elected, unless transgender people are included in the result. Same sex marriage only works for those transpeople who are gay or lesbian, not straight. It doesn't help them if they're still transgender.
Do not use LGBT when the elected official is gay or lesbian. They're not transgender.
Do not use LGBT for political gains that isn't transgender inclusive and may even be transgender exclusive because it only benefited LGB people.
Do not stand up and shout LGBT unless it's all LGBT people. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. Transgender people don't want to hear you if they're not included.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Sad Reality
The sad reality for some older, and even some young, women who transition is that they hate themselves unless they transition, not suicidal but just self-hate so deep life is hard just being, but they realize that even if they transition they will only be somewhat presentable and and barely passable.
The sad reality is that they may be happy being a woman but few people will consider them a woman. If they don't get cosmetic facial surgery, their face will never get past the "Can I help you sir?" when people see them.
All the voice lessons and practices won't get them heard as a woman. All the clothes will never get them more than being seen as androgynous or a cross-dresser, but not a woman. It will be the best they can do just to avoid getting stares when seen and pauses when heard.
Yet, that sad reality is all they have, and it is better than who they were, despite all the family and friends telling them differently, even being rejected and forgotten, and despite even being rejected them when trying to find new friends.
Their sad reality is what they have, and maybe others should be generous and gracious to know the pain they went through to get there, to know the hurt they go through every day, and to know the fear they feel when meeting people.
The sad reality can be relieved by each person by lifting the pain, the hurt, and the fear, by just saying, "Hi." and find something to compliment about them, or something funny to make them smile, even laugh, or something to just make them comfortable being themselves.
The reality is what it is, but the sadness doesn't have to be.
The sad reality is that they may be happy being a woman but few people will consider them a woman. If they don't get cosmetic facial surgery, their face will never get past the "Can I help you sir?" when people see them.
All the voice lessons and practices won't get them heard as a woman. All the clothes will never get them more than being seen as androgynous or a cross-dresser, but not a woman. It will be the best they can do just to avoid getting stares when seen and pauses when heard.
Yet, that sad reality is all they have, and it is better than who they were, despite all the family and friends telling them differently, even being rejected and forgotten, and despite even being rejected them when trying to find new friends.
Their sad reality is what they have, and maybe others should be generous and gracious to know the pain they went through to get there, to know the hurt they go through every day, and to know the fear they feel when meeting people.
The sad reality can be relieved by each person by lifting the pain, the hurt, and the fear, by just saying, "Hi." and find something to compliment about them, or something funny to make them smile, even laugh, or something to just make them comfortable being themselves.
The reality is what it is, but the sadness doesn't have to be.
The Problem
The problem with female-to-male transgender people? After awhile on testosterone, they become assholes just like genetic men. They think the world of themselves and treat women, especially in-transition and more so post-transition women, like shit.
They become men who forgot they were born female, raised as girls and lived as women, and what it was that was like to be discriminated against by men, demeaned and degraded by men, and treated like shit by the worst men.
They become what they hated, and they don't think twice of feeling good about it. It's what they love, being an asshole instead a man.
They become men who forgot they were born female, raised as girls and lived as women, and what it was that was like to be discriminated against by men, demeaned and degraded by men, and treated like shit by the worst men.
They become what they hated, and they don't think twice of feeling good about it. It's what they love, being an asshole instead a man.
Reverse Thinking
I've noticed a lot of columns about the "T" in LGBT and how much transpeople need inclusion in and with the greater Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) community, for unity and gaining more support. I'm not against that since some transpeople are gay or lesbian.
But if you look at the recent progress transpeople have made it's not from the greater LGB community, as we saw when transpeople were dropped from the initial hate crime law and now from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), it's been made by trans-only organizations.
The courts are deciding in-transition and especially legally-recognized men and women, meaning post-transition, are protected under the Civil Rights Law for sex, not gender. In several recent cases, judges have ruled for the women. They didn't need ENDA.
And if you notice trans-only organizations, eg. NCTE, have made gains for the diversity of transgender people without getting the support of the greater LGB community or adding LGB components to their effort. They have shown greater acceptance of LGB transpeople than the LGB groups have of transpeople.
And in many communities, like where I live, the transgender community and groups (there are several) don't incorporate their work or people with the greater LGB community, groups or people, except for greater efforts for public events such as the annual Pride parade, but they often hold transgender-only events which are very popular.
Transgender people are gaining without the LGB community, so maybe it's time to do as a whole community what others have done and succeeded, jettison the LGB from the community except where it applies to individuals who wish to participate in both.
The transgender community as shown they don't need the LGB community except to remind them about the treatment and exclusion they've gotten from the LGB people and to get them to stand up for transgender people, something they've long promised and reniged.
The transgender community has shown they're accepting of LGB people under the diversity of transgender people without raising it as an issue or a reason for their effort or work. They simply accept everyone's sexual orientation as the norm.
And now it's clear the transgender community simply needs to continue their work without the LGB community and only the support where the LGB community finally decided to be inclusive for all LGBT people, and not lie then renige.
The transgender community is now strong and independent, and it's time the LGB community recognize it and support it. The choice is that or asking for the transcommunity's help on their issues to have it fall on deaf ears and silent voices.
The transgender community is now equal for their cause as the LGB community is for theirs, and both can gain from each other if both, especially the LGB community, recognize it and share. And not isn't a choice anymore for the LGB community because the transcommunity doesn't need them.
But if you look at the recent progress transpeople have made it's not from the greater LGB community, as we saw when transpeople were dropped from the initial hate crime law and now from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), it's been made by trans-only organizations.
The courts are deciding in-transition and especially legally-recognized men and women, meaning post-transition, are protected under the Civil Rights Law for sex, not gender. In several recent cases, judges have ruled for the women. They didn't need ENDA.
And if you notice trans-only organizations, eg. NCTE, have made gains for the diversity of transgender people without getting the support of the greater LGB community or adding LGB components to their effort. They have shown greater acceptance of LGB transpeople than the LGB groups have of transpeople.
And in many communities, like where I live, the transgender community and groups (there are several) don't incorporate their work or people with the greater LGB community, groups or people, except for greater efforts for public events such as the annual Pride parade, but they often hold transgender-only events which are very popular.
Transgender people are gaining without the LGB community, so maybe it's time to do as a whole community what others have done and succeeded, jettison the LGB from the community except where it applies to individuals who wish to participate in both.
The transgender community as shown they don't need the LGB community except to remind them about the treatment and exclusion they've gotten from the LGB people and to get them to stand up for transgender people, something they've long promised and reniged.
The transgender community has shown they're accepting of LGB people under the diversity of transgender people without raising it as an issue or a reason for their effort or work. They simply accept everyone's sexual orientation as the norm.
And now it's clear the transgender community simply needs to continue their work without the LGB community and only the support where the LGB community finally decided to be inclusive for all LGBT people, and not lie then renige.
The transgender community is now strong and independent, and it's time the LGB community recognize it and support it. The choice is that or asking for the transcommunity's help on their issues to have it fall on deaf ears and silent voices.
The transgender community is now equal for their cause as the LGB community is for theirs, and both can gain from each other if both, especially the LGB community, recognize it and share. And not isn't a choice anymore for the LGB community because the transcommunity doesn't need them.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Becoming Visible
The goal of the vast majority of in-transition and especially a post-transition women is to be invisible, just one of the many women going about their life. The last thing these women want is to become visible, and known for their transition outside of the few people, mainly family, friends and co-workers.
But many become visible for two reason. One, they didn't have a choice as their transition is relatively obvious to people when they walk out the front door. It might range from clearly obvious or just subtly obvious, but it doesn't change the reality, their life is now, like it or not and want it or not, public.
Two, they did have a choice and chose to become public for a variety of personal to professional reasons. Some do it for the attention, some to help the transgender community, and some to make a public statement about transgender women.
But it really doesn't matter why, the media and the public will make their own reasons and the woman will be those reasons and not the one she wanted or tried. Their identity will be public for all to see, and often used for descriptions of other and sometimes all transwomen.
Those who can and remain invisible will continue on with their lives. And those who became visible, not because they chose but because they were obvious, will have the harder time. For all the wanted they don't get to choose anything, from just getting by in life to what the media and public think and expresses about them.
They will have to live with what happens. And we wonder why some don't transtion? Or why some spend a lot of money to become passable and invisible when they walk out the front door? Or they just want to have an ordinary life, free of attention?
But most of all why do we wonder many hate themselves, some so much they attempt or commit suicide? If it's not obvious to you, then you're not paying attention to the right things. You're not thinking about them and the choices they faced when they decided to transition.
When becoming visible isn't a choice, then the woman has to decide among the remaining choices, none of which are often, and sometimes usually, good and she has to decide how much hate she can tolerate without the pain becoming overwhelming and the hurt too intense to bear.
I can only ask that if you know someone like them, consider the old adage, "For their but the grace of God go I.", and show not just understanding but friendship because they are not what you see, and are more than likely a great friend, person and woman.
What's not to like about that? You help take their pain and hurt away, and you make being visible easier for them. In the end, we're all just people, trying to get by between birth and death and live with the circumstance given us.
But many become visible for two reason. One, they didn't have a choice as their transition is relatively obvious to people when they walk out the front door. It might range from clearly obvious or just subtly obvious, but it doesn't change the reality, their life is now, like it or not and want it or not, public.
Two, they did have a choice and chose to become public for a variety of personal to professional reasons. Some do it for the attention, some to help the transgender community, and some to make a public statement about transgender women.
But it really doesn't matter why, the media and the public will make their own reasons and the woman will be those reasons and not the one she wanted or tried. Their identity will be public for all to see, and often used for descriptions of other and sometimes all transwomen.
Those who can and remain invisible will continue on with their lives. And those who became visible, not because they chose but because they were obvious, will have the harder time. For all the wanted they don't get to choose anything, from just getting by in life to what the media and public think and expresses about them.
They will have to live with what happens. And we wonder why some don't transtion? Or why some spend a lot of money to become passable and invisible when they walk out the front door? Or they just want to have an ordinary life, free of attention?
But most of all why do we wonder many hate themselves, some so much they attempt or commit suicide? If it's not obvious to you, then you're not paying attention to the right things. You're not thinking about them and the choices they faced when they decided to transition.
When becoming visible isn't a choice, then the woman has to decide among the remaining choices, none of which are often, and sometimes usually, good and she has to decide how much hate she can tolerate without the pain becoming overwhelming and the hurt too intense to bear.
I can only ask that if you know someone like them, consider the old adage, "For their but the grace of God go I.", and show not just understanding but friendship because they are not what you see, and are more than likely a great friend, person and woman.
What's not to like about that? You help take their pain and hurt away, and you make being visible easier for them. In the end, we're all just people, trying to get by between birth and death and live with the circumstance given us.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Being Comfortable
One reason transwomen transition isn't so much because they can dress in the finest or stylish women's fashion. Anyone can do that, even men as we see with cross-dressers, drag queens, transvestites, etal. who love to play dressup for meetings, parties, events and even for fun.
The reason is that transwomen can be comfortable in any clothes, especially clothes to lounge and work around the home and be thoroughly comfortable with the body to know it's all just natural and what they do, as women.
The transition to know the clothes are just clothes and the body is what makes them whole as women, even it the most comfy clothes they have doing absolutely nothing or whatever they enjoy at home. It always is and will be, first and foremost, about the body, not the clothes.
The reason is that transwomen can be comfortable in any clothes, especially clothes to lounge and work around the home and be thoroughly comfortable with the body to know it's all just natural and what they do, as women.
The transition to know the clothes are just clothes and the body is what makes them whole as women, even it the most comfy clothes they have doing absolutely nothing or whatever they enjoy at home. It always is and will be, first and foremost, about the body, not the clothes.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Dear Media
Dear Media,
Can you please stop emphasizing the word "transgender" when you describe someone? It's clear you want to make sure the viewer knows the person(s) you're talking about is transgender, but it's unnecessary and blatantly and intentionally demeaning.
It is just as easy use the word without the emphasis and still get the story across, and you come across as a human being not discriminating against a class of people by trying to isolate them with a word. They don't need it and you shouldn't do it.
Telling a story is one thing, and yes, if it's about transgender people, fine use the word as it is, an adjective not a noun. But then keep the emphasis to yourself, don't expressly emphasize it for the sake of the story. Transgender people are people too.
Can you please stop emphasizing the word "transgender" when you describe someone? It's clear you want to make sure the viewer knows the person(s) you're talking about is transgender, but it's unnecessary and blatantly and intentionally demeaning.
It is just as easy use the word without the emphasis and still get the story across, and you come across as a human being not discriminating against a class of people by trying to isolate them with a word. They don't need it and you shouldn't do it.
Telling a story is one thing, and yes, if it's about transgender people, fine use the word as it is, an adjective not a noun. But then keep the emphasis to yourself, don't expressly emphasize it for the sake of the story. Transgender people are people too.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
The Hard Part
The hardest part about being in the wrong body is that you can never be free of it and you can never know the experience of the right body, from childhood to today. The best you can do is find peace with your body and happiness with your life, with its one flaw of being wrong.
One Experience
Why do others think when they see a transwomen who passes seemingly well if not perfect invite them to talk to groups like their personal experience represents all transwomen and their perspective and view represents the community?
I ask this when I read a transwoman say they've been invited, obviously from their writings and Website, to talk to some groups, to students or at a meeting on transgender issues. It's a WTF moment to wonder why they accept and why those listening will have the impression all tranwomen are the same.
I know it's not true. I know many talk to express the diversity of transwomen, but it's still makes me think that with all these different transwomen giving talks, it only adds to the confusion, not the complexity, of transwomen, that that transwoman's experience must be common if not universal of all transwomen.
I also know that many who give the talks are good for all transwomen for the public to see the better side of the vast majority of transwomen different than all the transgender classes of people, that transwomen really are women with a conflicting anatomy.
Isn't it like asking a black, latino or asian woman to talk about all women of their race? Or asking a Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist woman to about all women in their religion? Or asking a old person about all the old people of their generation?
It still, however, makes me wonder what they say and to think, if I were a transwoman, I'm not her or like her, so why is she representing me. It's just her one experience in the many, all different. I only hope she conveys that idea.
I ask this when I read a transwoman say they've been invited, obviously from their writings and Website, to talk to some groups, to students or at a meeting on transgender issues. It's a WTF moment to wonder why they accept and why those listening will have the impression all tranwomen are the same.
I know it's not true. I know many talk to express the diversity of transwomen, but it's still makes me think that with all these different transwomen giving talks, it only adds to the confusion, not the complexity, of transwomen, that that transwoman's experience must be common if not universal of all transwomen.
I also know that many who give the talks are good for all transwomen for the public to see the better side of the vast majority of transwomen different than all the transgender classes of people, that transwomen really are women with a conflicting anatomy.
Isn't it like asking a black, latino or asian woman to talk about all women of their race? Or asking a Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist woman to about all women in their religion? Or asking a old person about all the old people of their generation?
It still, however, makes me wonder what they say and to think, if I were a transwoman, I'm not her or like her, so why is she representing me. It's just her one experience in the many, all different. I only hope she conveys that idea.
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