Reaching Milestones

There are times in a transition where you reach a milestone, often passed over and forgotten but to some they become points in time when you find affirmation of your direction, goals and journey of your transition, and what lies ahead.

One of those milestones isn't a milestone for some as it's about passing without cosmetic facial surgery. Many, especially younger transwomen go through their transition relatively easily in public because they pass from their natural beauty, electrolysis and the effects of hormone drugs.

Some transwomen, however, don't pass as the feature everyone uses to instinctively judge the gender of a person, the face, doesn't pass for a moment. It might be from genetics, age, whatever, they just don't pass without cosmetic facial surgery.

And for them, the milestone where the hormone drugs have reached the end of their effects where little changes for continued use and if they want to pass in public and live fulltime comfortably without those moments of being outed is the moment they write the check and go in for the surgery.

But for many of them that milestone is probably the biggest moment, both the decision and the surgery, in their transition, and it's often the hardest, because the surgery alone costs $20,000 and more, often in the $40-50,000 catagory for the best surgeon or extensive work.

That's the milestone which almost always halts a transition where the transwoman faces the reality of their being and the reality of money. The surgery is always considered cosmetic (obviously) and not covered by insurance (none for anyone).

And it's the moment the vast majority will go in debt or use other money (saving, equity, etc.) to pay for the surgery. That's because it's not about the money, it's about a life, their life and their future as a woman. But for some the money isn't there except sometime in the future.

That's when they face the reality of living where they have been and don't want to continue, in between their old self and their new self, and have to find a way to survive with the least amount of problems. It's often used by therapist as the "real life experience."

It's this time and experience which escapes me why therapists put their patients in harm's way by mandating this as part of the "treatment", to put them in the public fully knowing they don't pass, won't be easily accepted and will be denied being treated as a woman.

It doesn't change the milestone, it's always there, it's just a matter of when and how it's paid. There's no if as there was never a doubt, just the finality of the decision. But it's also the hardest as it changes their face forever, from who they were to who they are.

Every transwoman who knows the surgery is a must expects to reach this milestone, until they get there and find themselves at the moment in hopes the money is there, and if not, where it can be found, if it can be found. They've already found themselves.

And it's why this milestone is about the money, but it's not about the money.