Becoming Visible

The goal of the vast majority of in-transition and especially a post-transition women is to be invisible, just one of the many women going about their life. The last thing these women want is to become visible, and known for their transition outside of the few people, mainly family, friends and co-workers.

But many become visible for two reason. One, they didn't have a choice as their transition is relatively obvious to people when they walk out the front door. It might range from clearly obvious or just subtly obvious, but it doesn't change the reality, their life is now, like it or not and want it or not, public.

Two, they did have a choice and chose to become public for a variety of personal to professional reasons. Some do it for the attention, some to help the transgender community, and some to make a public statement about transgender women.

But it really doesn't matter why, the media and the public will make their own reasons and the woman will be those reasons and not the one she wanted or tried. Their identity will be public for all to see, and often used for descriptions of other and sometimes all transwomen.

Those who can and remain invisible will continue on with their lives. And those who became visible, not because they chose but because they were obvious, will have the harder time. For all the wanted they don't get to choose anything, from just getting by in life to what the media and public think and expresses about them.

They will have to live with what happens. And we wonder why some don't transtion? Or why some spend a lot of money to become passable and invisible when they walk out the front door? Or they just want to have an ordinary life, free of attention?

But most of all why do we wonder many hate themselves, some so much they attempt or commit suicide? If it's not obvious to you, then you're not paying attention to the right things. You're not thinking about them and the choices they faced when they decided to transition.

When becoming visible isn't a choice, then the woman has to decide among the remaining choices, none of which are often, and sometimes usually, good and she has to decide how much hate she can tolerate without the pain becoming overwhelming and the hurt too intense to bear.

I can only ask that if you know someone like them, consider the old adage, "For their but the grace of God go I.", and show not just understanding but friendship because they are not what you see, and are more than likely a great friend, person and woman.

What's not to like about that? You help take their pain and hurt away, and you make being visible easier for them. In the end, we're all just people, trying to get by between birth and death and live with the circumstance given us.