Being Hypocritical

When someone owns and runs a member forum on their Website, the hardest thing to practice is fairness. The easiest thing is being hypocritical. In two ways. First, to members, treating members differently, and second, about yourself, being hypocritical about your policies and decisions.

When you run the forum, you establish the basic rules and policies. That's normal and expected. And those rules and policies evolve, you change and adapt them over time as events, circumstances and situations arise. That's also normal and expected. But what isn't is when you're hypocritical with those very rules and policies.

I wrote how my account was deleted when I challenged the application of a rule on one forum. Notice I didn't challenge the rule but the application of the rule by the owner. She decided that no one challenges her on the rules and policies. But then when I pointed out that quite a few members had challenged those very rules and policies, I was bannished.

It's the old adage, kill the messenger and the problem disappears. A very strong, "Not!" And that's because you, the owner, are the problem, being hypocritical with yourself. You can't be fickle with members, decide who's ok to allow to be rude or insulting and who gets booted for the least infraction of you choosing.

In my case I challenged her decision on a rule when it clearly wasn't being enforced fairly and evenly. The day before she booted someone for something I would simply send an advisory e-mail to "please don't do that.", but she deleted the person's account. And sure as the next day I made a similar comment, I was gone too.

Yet, in an e-mail exchange I pointed out she own contradictions in her words and actions, she simply stood pat saying that's her right. It is since it's her forum, but it's not when it obviously so blatantly hypocritical.

What's funny is that she has made changes to the moderators on the forum, she changed those who were posting news and blog entries saying the same thing we did. They no longer post those entries. But they still allows members to make statements which contradict her rules and policies. Yet they're still there.

And my point besides just ranting about a person?

No much except it's just another example of people being people. But I've noticed in the transgender community this attitude and perspective is often pervasive. In part it has to do with the nature of the community as a whole and the many divergent membership and members. It's worse than the Democratic party membership and members.

And that's saying a lot. The reason is that the only thing holding the transcommunity together is everyone's identity as transgender, everything else is different, including the flavor, expression, behavior of their identity. Kinda' like soup with a little of every spice in the world mixed into it. It just doesn't work and always ends up tasting bad.

It's doesn't work because beyond the umbrella term, which many don't agree with anyway and don't identify as, there isn't any commonality except wanting to be and expressing themselves as victims. Never mind the source or cause, they always consider themselves victims. And as such often think the rules of fairness don't apply.

And that's where they're wrong. It's actually the opposite. But they're sometimes no different in feeling being the victims a people who become some flavor of terrorists, from vocal advocates to religious extremists. They become defiant about their identity, with the world and especially with and within the community. The transcommunity, as many have said, is its own worst enemy.

But it doesn't change the responsibility to be fair about yourself and with other people. As many have also said, it's more reason to be vigilent about fairness, both yourself and everyone else. But I rarely find that in the transcommunity. I'm not talking nice here, almost everyone is nice. I'm talking after the initial nice is worn off and the real people begin to show.

And that's when fairness gets lost because they go back to their own self-identity and commonality with that. Everything else and everyone else becomes someone else outside their world, and sometime their own perspective, and fairness is usually the first victim. And being hypocritical becomes the only common expression.

And, as I learned, just don't be the one to point that out to them, especially about themselves. I know this is a one-sided view. The transcommunity can be and often is very fair and all the rest of the "good" adjectives in the dictionary. They often are a great group of people, as I have seen photographing events. And I, all too often, only see the negative side of things, whether it's work, life, issues, circumstances, situations, event, whatever.

It's part of my nature and personality, having lifelong Dysthymia. But this also allows and affords me the ability to focus on the negative side when everyone else is playing happy. And after being bannished I had two choices, apologize or walk away. Well, I didn't to the former, and only did the latter after making her aware of her hypocrisy.

And I've vented on my blog, not about being the victim, here, but about the hypocrisy. I know I'm not the good person here. No one really is, but I opened my mouth, as I often have in my life, to point out a contradiction, and got verbally pummelled and then banished. And doing so I've discovered how self-centered and self-absorbed many transpeople are, living in their world and the world.

And when you prick their identity and world, expressed as rules and policies, they get defensive and then get offensive, the latter disgused as reality but really is hypocrisy. And in the end I haven't minded being dismissed from that forum. The ownder didn't do anything I haven't seen before and haven't experienced first hand. I'll just move on to leave her in her own little world in the greater world. And that is my choice.

The lesson was learned, again.